We really need some advice as it's getting to the point now where it is starting to affect my mental health.
I have a 6 y/o little girl who lives predominantly with her mother but I have her every other weekend and up to 50% of the school holidays. I would love to see her more but since she has started school this is difficult as she lives over 100 miles away.
Her mother and I were together for our little girl's first year and a half and split up after that. For 6 months or so after we broke up I travelled to my mum's house (150 miles away) every other weekend as I was unable to have my daughter at my house. Shortly after that I met my partner, we started renting a house and with the blessing of my daughter's mother, we started having my daughter at our home.
My mum has never got on particularly well with my partner, in the first year we were together we visited my mum quite a few times and my partner would often be made to feel uncomfortable by my mum. My mum often compares my partner to my ex infront of her, 'accidentally' calls my partner by my exes name and doesn't respect me or my partner as parental figures to my daughter.
When visiting my mum she also often took over with my daughter. One day we arrived for the weekend and my mum mentioned she was just walking to the shops and was taking my daughter to get an ice-cream. After texting and calling, my mum finally returned with my daughter 5 hours later, after my daughter's bedtime and with armfuls of gifts. I was upset as this was also my time with my daughter but my mum got very defensive and refused to see any problem. This excluding of me and my partner happened every time we visited - she would come into our bedroom whilst we were still sleeping and remove my daughter from her bed so that she could spend the morning with her before we woke up. etc...
This coupled with my mum making my partner feel uncomfortable lead us to make a decision not to visit her again, but to invite her to visit us so that we could hopefully control the situation a little better.
We began inviting her to our house every few months (she works weekends so it is often difficult for her to get the time to visit) the controlling behaviour continued, she would go into my daughter's bedroom before we woke up to ensure she could do the 'morning routine' she also insisted on doing the bedtime routine even though story time is my time with my daughter just the two of us - when i told her this I was told (infront of my daughter) to 'get over it'. The criticising and undermining of my partner and my parenting continued.
During this my ex arranged for my mum to have my daughter for a week on her own this also happened to be MY WEEKEND. I was unhappy that I was loosing such precious time with my daughter so my mum agreed that she would have her Monday -Saturday and bring her back Saturday afternoon, for me to take her back to her mum's on Sunday afternoon. I still wasn't happy as It meant having her for about 12 waking hours but I knew i didn't have much choice. I also voiced my concerns as my mum has MS and on a bad morning can struggle to get out of bed, let alone keep up with a 4 year old! But i was met with cross words from both sides so gave up.
Every few weeks a package would arrive in the post with gifts for my daughter from my mum. Of course this was lovely but it often consisted of clothing we felt was inappropriate, or the wrong size, and often things we had mentioned to my mum that we had already bought her (especially around birthdays and Christmas.) I mentioned this to mum and we fell out, she called me ungrateful, and a whole host of names under the sun, told me i was a disappointment, that I owed her everything and was throwing it in her face etc. We didn't speak for a few weeks at which point I invited her to the zoo with us and we patched things up.
Fast forward a few weeks and I pick my daughter up from her mum's and she's sobbing that she misses her Grammy, we're planning on visiting her in a few weeks time and it's only been a few weeks since we saw her, so I tell my daughter this and with that and the promise of a phone call to Grandma when we get home (which she soon forgets) she brightens back up.
Within a few hours I get a text from my mum, who has arranged with my ex to have my daughter for a week over my next weekend. Which also happens to be her birthday and the very first birthday I will be spending with her since her very first one when her mum and I were together. My partner and I have organised a fab weekend, have really splashed out on a huge climbing frame for the garden and have arranged to go fishing, and to the beach (both my daughter's requests) My mum has invited us to go to her's for the weekend but aside from the plans we have made and paid for, and the pressies we have bought her here, we have a new puppy (who isn't invited) and my partner will have just started a new job so can't take the weekend off to come with us.
I told my mum that this was my weekend, about the plans we had made, about my partner's new job etc and she was furious. Again called me all names under the sun, told me I was an unfit parent who was damaging my child's mental health by not letting her see her Grammy and also said she would not be attending my upcoming wedding. My ex also hurled very similar abuse at me when trying to plead my case with her about our plans etc.
My ex has however arranged this with my mum, so I have no say. I'm really not sure what to do as it is interferring with our life. Is there anyone out there who is going through/has gone through similar things? Or anyone with any advice at all? I love my daughter to pieces but this constant battle and undermining of me being a parent is really starting to damage my self esteem and mental health.
Court isn't an option as we went last year to get our agreement drawn up legally to stop my partner from constantly changing my weekends or planning things on my weekends but this was denied as it was deemed that it would 'damage mine and my partner's relationship'