Terrible twos!

[Bcal92]

Hi Everyone!
First time mom here desperately needed some advice!
My dd (22months old) has all of a sudden turned into a demon.
She went from being the most placid, well behaved baby and for the past couple of weeks she has been really difficult, she has started throwing huge scale tantrums anytime she doesnt get her own way, to the point where I have tried a time out, hugging her which she hates! And giving her reassurance that I understand she is upset but she cannot do X because of X, and she is inconsolable, will not give me eye contact so I can connect with reasoning with her, she has started smacking, pulling hair and scratching If you try to stop her, and I am at my whits end.
Today we went for a drink at a local rugby club as there was bank holiday music on, and she had a run around on the field which was great and we were playing with her, but she insisted on walking over to these stinging nettles (literally 1 tiny area of a huge field) so after 20 attempts of distraction, we decided to call it a day and go home... well, you would have thought we summoned an actual demon, she screamed the place down, she wouldn't calm down she was kicking, and flinging her arms around and I ended up having to carry her out under my arm.
I will mention that she has a slight speech delay, that we are keeping an eye on, I keep thinking maybe she is full of frustration but she is so strong willed, when she wants something God help us.
Has anyone got any tips or advice on how to deal with this because I am out of ideas, nothing seems to be helping and she is just getting worse.

Ty in advance!

Can I strongly recommend reading “the happiest toddler on the block”?

In the meantime, try to bear in mind:

• In the middle of a tantrum, your child is temporarily out of control. Their language level drops, so complicated reasoning is going to go completely over their heads and increase their frustration. Stick to incredibly simple sentences e.g. first lunch, then playground” (or whatever). Repeat several times, don’t get frustrated or say anything m complicated than that.
• it’s easier to avoid than to deal with! I’m not saying at all that you should pander to them, but heap on positive instructions and positive praise e.g. “well done for gentle hands. I like your gentle hands” rather than “don’t pinch!”. Find something tiny to praise in a nice simple way - they don’t know that throwing a tantrum is wrong! They learn what is right by you telling them it is right. Telling them they are wrong can just frustrate them more if they don’t know what the right thing is (NB. This is not how to deal with things with an older child deliberately acting up)

Good luck! Toddlers can have tricky phases.

My (now 20 month old) started this at 18 months, he's giving up now because I don't buy into it, I don't "negotiate" or reason with him - when he's older I'll be able to explain I took him off the swing before the bigger boys flung him out, but in the meantime he just has to trust I'm doing what's best

Distraction has been my biggest friend, I pick him up and very quickly say something like "let's go find the sheep" or a bus, or a car, through the years he makes the appropriate noises I carry on getting excited about seeing sheep/bus/car and eventually all is forgotten

Stay calm (easier said than done) and take your time