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Original poster

My happy confident boy is terrified of poo-ing.

16 replies

girafa · 05/10/2007 12:40

We started potty-training during hols in August when he was 2 1/4. After about 3 weeks he got the hang of doing wees in his potty and happily announces when he wants to do one, pulls own pants and trousers down etc. But he's gradually become more and more distressed about doing poos. He started with a bit of fretting, saying "I don't want the potty, I want the potty, I don't want the potty" etc and this has escalated over the weeks to the point now where he is pretty hysterical as soon as he feels any need to poo. He is so upset I can't distract him with any of his favourite activities eg books / songs once he's in this state. It seems as though he holds on to it for as long as he possibly can and then he poos in his pants as he absolutely won't sit on the potty. He knows it's coming because he tells me. We've told him that accidents don't matter, clothes can be washed, everyone does poos etc and everyone at his lovely nursery is being as low key and encouraging as possible. I don't think there's any physical pain because he's not constipated and is more than capable of telling me if his bottom was hurting. Things aren't much better if he does have a nappy (eg on journeys / outings), it doesn't reassure him. Anybody been in this situation? Just want to be able to calm his fears.

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NAB3 · 05/10/2007 12:43

Try a nappy in the potty.

You are doing the right things by staying calm.

Children often find pooing scary.

RGPargy · 05/10/2007 12:49

I think it's quite normal for them to be a bit freaked out by pooing. IIRC, my DS was also a bit freaked by it all. How about trying him on the proper toilet instead of the potty (with a trainer seat if necessary)? Might make him feel a bit more grown up?

NAB3 · 05/10/2007 13:30

If using the toilet, try and use a stool so he can have his feet firm on something. Helps with the bowel opening apparently.

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MrsPuddleduck · 05/10/2007 13:50

I have been in this situation with DS1.

I know it is difficult - but in the end when he wanted a poo we asked him if he wanted a pull up on and he used to poo in a nappy. Once he was 'happy' pooing in a nappy again we started trying to get him to go on the toilet again. This definitely worked (althouth it felt like a real backward step at the time).

We just had to stay really calm about pooing and I think we talked (although not too much) about how Bob the Builder and Noddy all did poos etc.

I was told to always change his nappy after he did a poo in the bathroom/toilet and to make him (or help) tip the poo into the toilet and flush the chain to reinforce the fact that that's were poos go.

Good luck - if it makes you feel any better we had constipation thrown in as well (and it went on for 6 months ).

binkleandflip · 05/10/2007 13:52

my dd (5) also hates poo-ing - she hasnt got into the habit of holding onto it until it hurts and so she is frightened of going because it hurts and so it goes on...

This started around potty training time but I've only just been able to explain to her in a way she understands (with the use of diagrams and using play-doh as a prop lol) why it will hurt a lot less is she lets it out the before it gives her tummy-ache.

I really sympathise.

Original poster

girafa · 05/10/2007 14:36

Tried the nappy-in-the-potty technique but it didn't appeal. We've also offered various toilet options but he wasn't up for it, though he likes do a wee on the little toilets at nursery sometimes. Will buy some pull-ups to try at the weekend in case that's a reassuring compromise. I don't want to dent his progress with wees but I guess he'll still feel he's in control with a pull-up. Really hope the anxiety doesn't last til he's 5, it's so out of character and I feel so useless not being able to help him get over it.

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TripletEm · 05/10/2007 14:49

o.k.This will sound really wierd but it worked for us!! We tried everything to get our little girl to go for a poo properly but she was so scared she would always hold herself until she went red and be in pain.
Now here comes the weird bit, we drew her a picture of a body,and then told her all about the journey of food and how it ends up being poo. Then we told her about the long journey that it takes to the sea(I know bare with me,desperate times and all that)and how it was a little man's job to clean it all up when it got there!! So, we encouraged her to do a poo for the little man at the sea and when she did,we wrote on a piece of toilet paper To Little Man love.....and flushed it down the toilet. Then we wrote her a letter back from little man and placed it by the toilet. She was so pleased when she found the letter that she couldn't wait to do her next poo and we've had no problems since!! So if you are o.k with sounding and looking completely mad it might just work for you!!! Oh and we also gave her poo tokens to take to nursery so she could show us if she had been when she got home!!

MrsPuddleduck · 05/10/2007 14:58

Whenever DS1 had a pull up on he only ever did a poo in them, never a wee. He understood what they were for. Hope that gives you some reassurance.

fairyjay · 05/10/2007 15:30

My ds was a lot older when he started pooing in the toilet. He was dry in the day, we would put his night-time nappy on, he would immediately go into a corner, poo, and we'd have to change him straightaway.

So long as he knows there's no problem, it'll sort itself out!

Love your method Triplet!

Original poster

girafa · 05/10/2007 15:39

Happy to try anything. Thanks for all the advice. TripletEm, how old was yours when you devised your unique method?

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TripletEm · 05/10/2007 16:22

I think that she was just coming up to being three,but you could always do little pictures instead of a letter or find an animal that lives in the see to replace 'little poo man'. I know it's really hard,we used to get so stressed with our dd and think that she would never use the potty,but as soon as we relaxed and tried not to worry (easier said than done!!)and brought back the fun,it all started to work itself out.

Original poster

girafa · 05/10/2007 16:28

I don't mind how long it takes him to succeed, so long as it isn't so stressful for him. He can be fretting and unable to enjoy anything else for hours on end on a bad day.

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TripletEm · 05/10/2007 18:32

It's awful,isn't it? My little girl would be hopping around all day or dissappear behind the sofa and then become so upset when she pooed in her pants. Like your little boy she did really well to begin with and was the first of my dx3 to use the potty for a wee, but all of a sudden it became a problem. I had visions of her never using the toilet, and a lot of other mums would be saying'Oh mine use the potty, shes so clever....blah,blah,blah'!!! Everyone has their own pace and you have got plenty of time to sort everything out so try not to worry

rabbitrabbit · 05/10/2007 18:39

Hi, we went through something very similar (and I at that time I remembered being surprised at how common it is even though no-one ever mentioned it.)
Our ds had a problem at exactly the same point as your ds; would happily wee but would scream for his nappy to poo. Then he stopped altogether and would withheld-for up to seven days at one point-and become hysterical every time he felt the "urge."

We started to do something called Toilet Story...sounds very silly I'm sure but every morning and every evening he sat on the loo and we read stories. Eventually he poo'd without really realising it as we were reading and then his body got used to needing the loo at that time and so on!
It wasn't easy though. He did, at times, get very upset so we would just stay calm, let him get off, and start again the next time. This did go on for months I have to say.

All the very best of luck, I found it one of the hardest things to go through with him and felt so very sorry for him. It does work itself out but patience and lots of support seem to be the only way through!

Original poster

girafa · 07/10/2007 16:03

Thanks for all the tips. Things are a bit less hysterical this weekend, and not having much success yet, but trying to stay calm!

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mothernaturenot · 23/10/2007 21:51

My little girl is doing exactly the same thing. She is 2 3/4. She has always been confident weeing in the toilet but has done poos in her pull ups and has told us when she needs to put one on. But she has got more and more scared of doing a poo. We have never put pressure on her to do it in the potty, I think she got a bit constipated and then it hurt her a bit so she decided not to do it, and then the longer she leaves it the more distressed she gets. She has just gone 6 days before tonight- that's why I'm looking at this website to get ideas. It's so difficult and it's such a drama everytime she needs to go. She also doesn't eat much, I think so that she doesn't have to go, she can't sleep properly. It's making her very unhappy and she gets so upset with us when we try to encourage her, but if we leave her she just won't go and then it gets worse. I like the idea of the toilet story time, I think we'll try that. We've tried all sorts of bribery but she's not interested in anything. We've also gone through the Cinderella does poos and noddy and grandma but she's just adamant she doesn't want to. This has been going on for about 5 months now and is getting worse rather than better. It's horrible because you don't want to make an issue out of it but if you leave it she gets more distressed

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