Failed at breastfeeding again

[HarperLight]

Not really sure what I wan to achieve by posting this but I need to get it off my chest and my husband just doesn't understand.

I have an 19 month old son, his birth was traumatic.. I attempted to breastfeed but we had a horrendous journey, he had severe tongue tie which was missed he literally made me bleed his suck was so strong but he had poor technique due to the tie. Everyone told me I had it right, he literally latched 'perfectly' immediately but by day 3 I was cracked, bleeding and crying in pain every-time, my husband made me stop as it wasn't good for any of us. I sought help, I pumped while his tie was cut but I never managed to pump more than a few drops. it became an obsession I was pumping most the day. The feeding team sent me to my GP for a prescription of domperidone but she refused it and said I needed to stop I'd had a traumatic birth and I needed to rest and stop pressuring myself. She was right I accepted it and stopped with all attempts. I felt better but my little one was poorly often.. minor childhood illnesses seemed to be severe in him and I always felt guilty that it was because he wasn't breastfed.

I had my second on Wednesday last week.. I had a section due to the trauma of my first birth. I told myself I would try to feed but if it didn't work I wouldn't stress and just give formula. This baby just doesn't want to latch.. I had so much help in the hospital, I even stayed in an extra night to have the feeding support.. but he just doesn't latch.. he keeps his mouth wide open and won't close it. With help in hospital it would eventually work.. but at home I don't always have an extra pair of hands to help and I can't get him latched alone. I've been supplementing with formula and the more bottles he has the less he even attempts to latch to me, he cries, I cry.. it's so stressful. My midwife spent an hour with me yesterday but we had no luck in getting him latched. If he has his chin tickled he will eventually latch on but I just don't have enough hands to do it alone, add an intrigued toddler to the mix and it's just impossible.

I promised myself I wouldn't stress and I wouldn't get worked up and if he ends up on formula then it's ok. But it's not ok, I feel like a failure and feel guilty that I've failed yet again to give my baby the best start in life.

@Razpoot

OP has said she feels like she said failed. She needs people to reassure her that however baby is fed, they will be healthy and have a lovely bond. Not somebody telling her to battle through when she has said she is finding it impossible.

I just wanted to add some solidarity. I tried with all three of my children and never managed to crack breastfeeding. I got more and more upset with each baby as I was convinced it must be my issue. Baby three did actually latch on but I was in agony and the midwife telling me that it was normal and the pain would always be there just tipped me over the edge.

Breastfeeding is bloody hard for some women and babies. Yes there are people who sail through, and there are others who have problems and manage to power through them (these are the people who are rightly proud of themselves, but make me feel like utter shite) but not everyone can manage. Be kind to yourself. I'm expecting again and part of me wants to try again but I'm not sure if I could cope mentally with not managing again so I'm setting myself up to fail and spoil those special first few days by getting upset.

Anyways I'm waffling,but well done for trying and whatever you decide to do don't dwell on the what ifs or beat yourself up.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's okay. I couldn't get the hang of breastfeeding with my first and I'm going to have my second, I'll give it a try. But if it doesn't work out. It's fine. It's not your fault. Everyone's situation is different. It doesn't mean you're a bad mother. I strongly believe midwives and health visitors need to stop praising breastfeeding so much. Omg you did it for 2 weeks well done! It's not going to make me force myself to do it with my second. I had PND for 2 years and a bit. Strongly due to stuggling to breastfeed and a few other things including the birth etc. It didn't make me a rubbish mum at all. I know it something we all really really want to do. But if we can't. It's not our fault. Like I said everyone's situation is different.

In the nicest way, who cares? Honestly I was like you. I gave myself hell for not managing mentally it physically plus I hated it. Eventually, I realised I was making myself ill and gave up at 4 weeks. I pumped and formula fed. My son is fine. He has no allergies or asthma and has only been o the docs 4 times in 2 years. Yes, at a fundamental level Brest is best but by what margin? And I it worth your mental health. There's lots of ways to bond wit your baby too.

Be kind to yourself x

OP you are succeeding, not 'failing'. You are taking into consideration your toddler, your mental health, your circumstances and so on. You've already done more than most in trying valiantly to keep breastfeeding after such difficulty. But you're not required to continue for ever when it's so difficult for you and your baby. You are a success because you are looking at what is best for your family, not following someone else's diktats which don't take your individual situation into account.

Thanks everyone.
I do feel better hearing from people similar to me.. I'd be telling you all that you didn't fail too so I need to accept that for myself!
Baby has had an whole day of formula, he's still alive and I haven't cried once.. I do feel guilty but I guess as a mum you always feel bad about something!
I'll move on.. it's definitely best for us all for me to stop pressuring myself! X