Anyone else finding maternity leave under COVID really lonely?

[sarmum14]

Hi all, on mat leave with DD and whilst we were desperate to conceive her after a MMC last year, I was also really anxious because I knew how much I found the newborn stage tough when I had DS 4 years ago. Add to it being pregnant in lockdown and having moved to a different area to the one I lived in when DS was born and where all my NCT lot were, I’m feeling desperately sad and lonely. DH WFH but he’s always on Skype calls and whilst I’m really grateful to see him in between them for a quick five min chat, I’m really struggling without a network of mums. All baby groups etc around here seem so still not be meeting in person. Add to it all the troubles DD and I are having with BF (she has a tongue tie which has been released but still a weak suck and recessive jaw so am feeding with nipple shields and then pumping all day long to give her expressed top ups). I feel bad because DD, despite all her feeding issues etc is such a sweet soul but I feel like I’m not enjoying her or the maternity leave like I should be.

Anyone else in a similar boat? Feel guilty because DH can see how unhappy I am but don’t want to lean on him too much because he’s feeling the pressure at work and I don’t want him to lose his job. God. This is hard.

I am in exactly the same boat! No advice but a solidarity fist bump. DC2 was born at the beginning of the year and we were just starting to do groups when Covid kicked in. Then started homeschooling DC1 (4.5 years between mine). DP has been very hands-on but has been WFH and it’s been difficult.

Like you, I had DC1 in a different area and was really hoping to get to know people this time round - not quite gone to plan and I kind of feel like I’ve lost confidence socially. No family local to us, and no family help as one of my DPs was shielding and the other is vulnerable.

I’m actually planning to do a couple of groups in September as DC1 will be in school and DP will be working again (albeit at home) and it just feels so isolating. Even though I’m twitchy about groups in terms of Covid, I think I’m just going to go for it as the alternative feels like very long days indeed.

Sorry to hear about your feeding troubles, hope things pick up. DC2 is very sunny-natured but had bad reflux and I feel as though I’ve spent most of my mat leave mopping up vomit or worse! Weaning has helped immeasurably though, and has come around so quickly.

I don’t have experience of a newborn in Covid times or worrying about losing a job but I have felt lonely with newborn in normal times and have had experience of older child and WFH during Covid and feeling lonely there too. No advice really but I really salute you keeping it altogether - it’s very hard and to me, increasingly so as times goes on. I think you should feel free to absolve yourself from having to enjoy every minute of it. A newborn is Lovely but hard, throw in an older child, a pandemic, a complete and sudden shift in how we live our lives and worries about your husband’s job - you’d be nuts if you were loving all of that that all the time! It’s normal to feel lonely and it’s ok to feel sad and pissed off about what you expected this period to be like and what it is instead. I think if you keep getting up and looking after your kids and finding moments of love and joy then you’re doing fucking well 🙌🏻. Hopefully you’ll gradually pick up a few things you can do in person with real life other people soon.

I was going through similar and was recommended by my doctor and health visitor to try the app Mush. It shows you other mums nearby who are interested in making friends/having meet ups, and tells you how old their little ones are so you can find mums with similar aged babies. I've made some good friends on there. There are also lots of different forums on the app for different subjects such as breastfeeding, weaning etc. And they do live zoom calls about various topics such as sleep, baby massage, weaning etc. too. Might be worth a look?

Feeling exactly the same here. My husband is WFH but I am on maternity leave with my first born and as much as I love him I feel bored and restless. Getting out and about is hard with Covid and my friends are either working or back in London where we moved away from...

I really feel for FTMs in this situation. Without being able to get out to groups I'd have got PND, new mums need each other.

I'm lonely. I am a really sociable person and my baby was born last November so has spent the first five months mainly at home. I have a few local friends but they work and wish I had more things to do in the day. Just started one baby group and looking for more. It's really not how I imagined my maternity leave so far.

I have felt the same pretty much every day since my mat leave started. Dh works 7am to 5pm all week plus Saturdays until 1pm. Leaving me with a 2 year old and a baby. Have done parks until we are all blue in the face. Managed a few meet ups with a couple of people but most of the time just me and them. Thankfully some groups are starting near me again now so getting our and about a bit more, though my baby is super clingy and really not used to people so I am trying to socialise him more. And I go back to work in June so all of my mat leave has been like this! It's been a long winter!

I do try and leave the house most days and we walk around but it's just me, baby and a podcast...

As was born Last May. It’s his first birthday next week. We still have hardly seen anyone, and no family have ever met him as we are in a different country so haven’t been able to fly back or have guests.

However. Although I have been super lonely, Ds is thriving. Just had his one year check and past with flying colours. So it’s had very little affect on him. He’s had dh and I dedicated to him as nothing else to do.

So nice to hear there are a few of us in the same position! I’m also a FTM and have just moved away from London - just when things are starting to open up and friends are starting to meet up!

My big saviour has been to put our baby in the sling and phone people when on a walk. Sometimes nobody is available, but it’s also nice to talk so regularly to my parents in particular.

I can relate. I had a 3 month old in the first lock down. What helped me was

(1) There are NCT virtual group meetings. This help change the weeks up a bit

(2) There are facebook groups for lockdown babies. I think every friday they ask for photos. Somehow I found this really helpful - like my experience was being seen / validated.

(3) There are also many local activity groups who are publishing their content, sometimes for free, sometimes behind a paywall. If you are able to join live, sometimes they call you out.

Hope you find some connections.

All the best

Completely agree ❤️ FTM here and it’s been incredibly lonely! My DH works offshore too so is away for 3 weeks at a time with no phone signal during working hours 😔
So the last 6m have literally been just me and baby getting into our little routine and going out a walk every day.

Neither of our families have been covid safe at all so after initial meetings we had to put a ban all visitors and had nobody to form a support bubble with which was a bit sad (and incredibly lonely for me) but we’re hoping things are starting to head towards normal soon! Baby met a couple of family members from further away for the first time in the garden yesterday which was lovely!