I hate being a mum

[Hnr20]

I’ve got to get it off my chest and I know people will absolute slate me for saying it but I can live with that now.

I never wanted children, so when my ex made false promises of being supportive of we did have a child I said yes thinking yes that’s fine if there is two of us. Long and behold he left when she was 8 weeks old, and I’ve been a single parent ever since. He comes and sees her and visits, does the fun stuff then pisses off back home to live his care free life. I never planned on children so to go from that, to then doing it alone has killed me mentally, emotionally, just everything. I don’t enjoy parenting one bit and since she turned 3 she’s been an absolute nightmare, rude, screaming, shouting, never listening. You name it she does it. It’s just a chore being a mum and not something I enjoy at all now.
Don’t get me wrong I love her dearly, but I hate being responsible for her 24/7. I know I could never trust her at her dads house though as he hasn’t a clue, only the other day he came to visit then let her run into the road and just stood there whilst a car was coming, as he just assumed I’d get her. Thick would be an understatement of what he is.
I just needed to get it off my chest as it’s been haunting me for so long now and I know that it probably makes me the worst person going but I can’t help how I feel :/

I completely understand how you feel so please don't feel guilty for the way you feel. I have no advice but wanted you to know you are not alone. X

Oh dear. 3 is a tricky age and I imagine you've been with her 24/7 if pre-school closed for lockdown.

It gets easier, especially when they're at school.

I found 4 so much easier than 3.

I know I could never trust her at her dads house though as he hasn’t a clue
You are a good mother because you’re putting your child’s needs ahead of your own and you care about her welfare. A bad mother would send her to her dad’s house and not care what happened to her. If you truly didn’t want her you could give her up for adoption... but you haven’t.

Life doesn’t always turn out as planned. You end up with unexpected responsibilities that you didn’t want. The key thing is that you step up and take care of those responsibilities. Being a single mum is not where you wanted to be, but here you are, and you’re doing a good job.

Toddlers can be a pain but she won’t always be little. She’ll get older and things will get better, even in just a year or two. My toddler is quite often a pain but is also my little friend who adores me.

Does she go to nursery? She would be eligible for free hours now she's 3. Sorry if that's really obvious and you're probably doing this anyway!

You absolutely don't need to feel bad about admitting that you don't enjoy being a parent - it's relentless as a couple so I can't imagine how it is for you as a single mother.

3 year olds can be complete and utter arseholes. When they reach 4 it is generally much much better. I find the older mine get, the more I enjoy their company.

Try not to take so much of her behaviour personally. I've been reading The Manipulative Child lately. It sounds like an awful title but it's actually really good. The long and short of it, is to have high standards for behaviour and independence but also nip any bad behaviour in the bud straight away without using bribery / punishments while remaining calm yourself. Harder than it sounds!

I'm also a single parent to two girls and am also frustrated that their Dad decided to largely opt out of family life. It's a bitter blow but I also think, when they get to adulthood it will be me that did it. Not him.

Find time for a little joy in your day too. I have a post bed time routine of yoga most nights which literally saved my sanity after my marriage broke down.

Sending you strength OP.

Oh love
You are a single mum in very strange times. You aren’t a bad mum. It’s VERY tough. You are allowed to feel sad and like you need a break when you haven’t had one.

What a shit of an ex. You have my sympathies - both for your situation and being tricked/misled/dumped on by him.

I agree with others that pre-school age is really hard. Like REALLY hard. It is so much better when they are a bit older and you can at least hold some type of actual conversation with them and they start getting more independent.

You say he didn't get her from the road because he expected you to. Do you think if you weren't there he may have done it himself (I'm hoping so!!).