If your DH works and you stay at home with the kids...

[trullis]

Interested in how other parents split their time with the kids. I'm currently still on furlough but this question is really for any SAHM or anyone that is currently the primary parent for whatever reason. When your DH/OH finishes work, does he do bath time and bedtime while you get a little break or do you do bath/bedtime leaving him to have a break from work and put his feet up?

I don't know if I count because I am a foster parent to two babies (4 months and 9 months) but yes, I stay at home because it is expected that you will be a SAHP when you foster babies and very young children with our LA. DP works full time, I do all the meetings/appointments for the babies. When he gets home we tag team bath-time/bedtime etc but I do the night feeds Sunday to Thursday if the babies need one, luckily they both seem to sleep 10pm til 6am most nights (we're in our late 50s, DP drives a lot in his job and a tired driver would not be pretty). I do the bulk of the housework and laundry but he always clears up after dinner, often sorts and folds the laundry etc. I do the physio and medications for the baby who needs them because in my old job I did those things and feel comfortable doing them where DP doesn't.

We take turns with bedtime as we try and recognise that each role is tough. However we do swap about if one of us has had it particularly rough

I’m a sahm and dh works full time. I’ll usually have dinner ready for when he gets in around 5.30. After dinner we usually both do quick tidy in kitchen while kids watch tv. We play with the kids for a bit. He’ll take them up for bath . I’ll put my feet up for a bit. Then I’ll Go upstairs to do stories and chill for a bit all together. Kids will brush their teeth and get their clothes out for tomo. Say goodnight come downstairs. Dh usually then does workout at home. So i critique him while he’s prancing round in front of me. If there’s any other bits and bobs to do jobs( laundry , taking out bins, hoovering) we usual divide them up and tackle them.

If I’ve had a tough day after dinner I’ll go upstairs and read in peace for a bit. Likewise if he needs to decompress I give him the time and space.

He’s been lot more proactive and helpful since going back after furlough. We’ve got a pretty good system in place but it didn’t just happen like that. There’s been many discussions, arguments and compromises along the way.

DH does bedtime and always has. He loves the special time he gets with our girls, I love my break time.

Since COVID, DH is working from home. He has our toddler from about 7.30-9am so I can study, then I have toddler from 9-6. He then finishes work and does toddlers bath and bed, while I do dinner.

Up until March, he only ever used to see DS first thing in the morning for about hLf an hour, as he worked long days, so this has been an amazing change for him and great for me and DS too.

DH works long hours but since we had DS 2 years ago, he’s been getting home ‘early’, ie for 7.30 to see him and do bath time. Pre-lockdown that worked out 3-4 nights a week (some days he needed to work longer). I just get his dinner ready so he can have it at 8.

DS goes to nursery part time so I get a lot of time to myself. The bath times are about spending time together rather than giving me a break.

At the moment DH is working from home for the foreseeable future. He looks after them both for an hours after lunch but often I have to put the baby down to nap at this time. I use this time mostly to do jobs or occasionally catch up on sleep. DH normally does bath time while I clean the kitchen and then I put the baby to bed while he reads to the 4 year old. The baby, well toddler now is breast feed so I do all the overnight feeds.

@bloodywhitecat

I don't know if I count because I am a foster parent to two babies (4 months and 9 months) but yes, I stay at home because it is expected that you will be a SAHP when you foster babies and very young children with our LA. DP works full time, I do all the meetings/appointments for the babies. When he gets home we tag team bath-time/bedtime etc but I do the night feeds Sunday to Thursday if the babies need one, luckily they both seem to sleep 10pm til 6am most nights (we're in our late 50s, DP drives a lot in his job and a tired driver would not be pretty). I do the bulk of the housework and laundry but he always clears up after dinner, often sorts and folds the laundry etc. I do the physio and medications for the baby who needs them because in my old job I did those things and feel comfortable doing them where DP doesn't.

You sound like such a wonderful team. 💖💙. Keep up the amazing work you do, one day I really really hope to follow in your footsteps.

My partner does bath time and gets LO ready for bed. I feed and put them down. He then cooks dinner and clears it away.

Team work makes dream work. I'm lucky as he appreciates the work I do with the children during the day and I really appreciate the work he does during the day too.

Our DS is now a teenager so it was all a long time ago but DH would always want to do bath/bed time if he was home in time .. I put my feet up . DH would also do breakfast so that I could do a four mile power walk each morning before he left for work.

DH works from home (not covid related, he always does) and I am on mat leave with 5 year old and 8 month old.

Generally he comes down about half 5 and helps with dinner prep eg laying the table or holding baby if she's in a 'non put down able' mood. Then he will wash up afterwards and run the baths. Then I do baby's bath and getting into pj's and feed her to sleep. He does 5 year old's bath and listens to music with her (answering emails as well) and then goes out to gym while I read her a story.

Baby dd is breastfed to sleep which means he can't take over that part

My husband does 12 hour shifts so by the time he is home from work all that kind of stuff is done so it is just a quick catch up with the older two and a cuddle and say goodnight to the smallest. On his says off those things are split between us.

I've just gone back to work after being a SAHM for 11 years. In more recent years the children have been able to sort themselves out, but when they were young we used to share. In fact if anything DH would do more than me as he felt he missed out on so much whilst at work.

My husband has retired now so we split everything to do with the kids equally but when he was working he would get involved with anything that was happening at the time when he was home - mealtimes, bath, etc.

I think it's so interesting reading how different each household is. In our household, DH is also working from home for the foreseeable future so the way we do it is I look after the kids 8.30-4.30 while he works upstairs and he then takes over when he's finished so I can workout. I then have DD in the shower with me since she loves showers and he gets her dressed and ready for bed and then also puts them to bed while I do some housework.

DD is older now so more self sufficient.

But DH gets in around 5:30ish and that was always "take the baby" time from me.

He plays with her while I make dinner. Then we all eat.

After that he cleans up dinner while DD and I play/read and then he does her bath and and bedtime while I finish any tidying round and get the kettle on ready for our cup of tea once she's asleep.

Mornings we alternate who gets an extra hour in bed as she's an early riser. But once school is back next week we'll all be up at 6:30. Been a long time since I've done 5 6:30 wake ups in a row!!

I am a SAHM

One of us does bath time, the other does bedtime. Whoever doesn't do bath time cooks dinner.

My DH's job is much more stressful than looking after children so I don't think it's fair to make him do everything when he gets home.

I'm a SAHM but my husband and I alternate doing the bedtime so the child gets used to both of us doing it. I'm much faster and efficient. Daddy has to negotiate himself out of the room.

I’m a SAHM mum. Mine are older now but DH would do the bath and bed routine most nights once I’d finished breast feeding and now will usually put the youngest to bed. I’ll do dinner and a general tidy then we both sit down at the same time in the evening.

@84claire84 Thank you, I have wanted to foster for a very long time and it is very rewarding (but very hard too, it takes a big emotional toll on everyone who does it), I can thoroughly recommend it though.

I am not normally a sahm but am on maternity leave at the moment. DH works from home.
We have a 10 month old and a 9 year old with autism. I am also trying to manage a building project.

DH works 8am to 4pm. At 4pm we tag team cooking and feeding the children. I put the baby to bed whilst my DH puts our son to bed. Neither of us gets a break until the children are asleep.

I do all the cleaning and laundry during the day around looking after the children. My DH does the bins and deals with topping up refreshments fir the builders.

At night I deal with the baby who wakes once for a feed, my DH deals with our older son who is an early riser.

Neither of us gets much of a break and are both pretty shattered.

In non covid times we would normally have a cleaner to help out.

I returned to work full time, on the days my daughter isn’t at nursery and home with daddy I would walk in and do bath time etc - I want to do it.
Same at weekends if I take her out and come home he will likely take over. Tag team with no fixed schedule but generally it works easy for us.

It's threads like this that make me realise i am doing it all wrong!
I'm not a SAHM but have been on maternity leave for 11 months and was only back at work a month before covid and have worked from home since.
I work half a day everyday from home and DP works full time, he does do a fair amount of overtime but this is optional so he only has to to his 8 hours a day if he really wanted. He has evening hobbies 3 times a week that start straight after work, so i do bath and bedtime then. On the days he is home i still do bath and bedtime, he sits and 'watches' mostly on his phone more than anything.
I cook all the dinners, i do all the washing up/washing/cleaning/tidying.
I have an older child too. I envy all of you who have a partner who works but still does his fair share :(

Imacompleteidiot stop doing it- take up a hobby, even if it’s a going out for a coffee every Saturday morning alone

I do bedtime every night unless I'm out (not a problem atm). We share bath time. Since he's been wfh, he's done maybe 75 percent though. He's doing 90 percent of the school runs though whilst I look after dc2. It's a 3 minute walk but let's him have a little bit of alone time with ds every day.