How do you manage 4 year old and newborn

[Hurryupbaby11]

I'm in need of some practical advice as I feel like I'm getting it wrong on all fronts at the moment.

How do you manage a 4 year old and 2 month old baby in terms of daytime sleep? 2 month old obviously sleeps a lot and needs near constant attention in waking hours (other than short spells in his bouncer).

He will either nap on me or in his cot - if he naps on me I obviously can't do much with 4 year old but can be downstairs with him, albeit telling him to be quieter most of the time. Or I can get baby asleep in his cot upstairs but then can't go downstairs as he's not meant to sleep alone yet.

Neither are good options for 4 year old and I feel awful. Baby won't settle in moses basket downstairs and, on the odd few occasions he has, is quickly woken by DS4.

How do you manage this? Feel like I'm getting it all wrong and feel awful for DS4 who is so lovely to the baby and shows no resentment towards him when he must feel like all the attention has gone from him

I can tell you how I managed a 3 year old and twins. At 2 months old, babies slept downstairs during the day. I had two cots, one upstairs and one downstairs. Obviously you don't need a second cot but maybe you can buy something larger than a Moses basket. Pram bassinet? Or even a cheap Ikea cot secondhand. If you're not already, use white noise or lullabies next to the baby to mask sibling's noise. Swaddling and dummy good at this stage. Once they are holding heads up better, you can use the bouncer more too - easier to send them back to sleep if they wake. I don't think putting them upstairs is going to work well if you want to stay close. Also, you could try for at least one nap daily in the pram while you walk with DS.

Train your 4yo to have some quiet time by himself. Put him wherever you’ve decided play time should be, give him an egg timer, and assure him you’ll return when the timer is up. When the timer is up, thank him for playing by himself like a big boy and reward him by either joining in with his play or reading a story. Expect some resistance at first because no one likes change. It might be a good idea to get a few new toys so that there is something special to begin this process. You could save some toys that he is only able to play with during quiet play time alone. This will help keep it fresh and exciting. The trick is to be very clear on your expectations with him so he knows what to expect.
Try to involve your 4yo in caring for your baby if you can. He might be able to help you out with nappy changes by passing you the wet wipes or a new nappy. My toddler was surprisingly helpful. He entertained the baby, and got stuff when I was stuck on the sofa nursing. His chatter and questions also made for interesting conversations.

No advice, but watching with interest as I’ll have a 4 year old and twins in 2 months time...

I had my children 20 months apart. I never did that 'quiet' thing - babies seem to be able to sleep thru alot, certainly normal household noises. I had a travel cot downstairs, however I don't believe that you have to be with your baby all the time - use a baby monitor. And I'd stop letting the baby sleep on you - baby's nap time is a good time to have one to one with your older child, who may be feeling left out, especially if being told to be quiet. @Ricekrispie22 has good suggestions to keep your already keen older child involved, but also be sure that you concentrate on him solely from time to time - you could leave baby with your husband/grandparent while you take older child out for a treat.

I had a 2yo and a 2 month old so not quite the same but baby used to have all naps either in the room with us, in the car on the way places or in the buggy or sling while we were out at parks/toddler groups etc for the older one. Basically as far as possible I’d plan your days around the older one and drag baby along as a kind of sleepy accessory 😂

Similar to Sunshine1235 I planned my day around my toddler and just put the baby down or into the sling or buggy when he was fed and dry. We spent a LOT of time out, mainly at the park but also going to the shops, mooching around town and going to some toddler groups.

Sling was the only way I managed with a new born and a 3 year old. With a baby in the sling you can easily play at the table with the older one. Or bribe the older one to go for a walk to get the baby to sleep eg Why don’t we go for a walk with an ice lolly? Baby can then continue sleeping the garden watched through the window or wheel them into the hall way.

Now mine are 1 and 4 years old the older one is allowed to play on her tablet while I put the baby down to nap.

I have 3 year old (noisy!) twins and a 6week old. Am having similar problems. I try to get baby to nap in pram/car seat whilst out and about or upstairs in cot whilst I carry Video monitor around downstairs With me. It’s so so hard isn’t it? I seem to spend most of the day breastfeeding or shushing twins’ noise. Feel so so guilty!!

My DS slept in his bouncer chair until recently (as he’s now 6 months); my 3 year old sometimes wakes him but is fairly good if I can engage her in a game or having a bit of tv time. For the afternoon nap I often let DD watch something on tv so that I can also just have 20 minutes sitting down while baby naps.

I also used the pram in the hallway with the door to the lounge open so is pretty much essentially in the same room.

This isn’t going to win any medals for great parenting, but with my four year old and baby I put the TV on if we’re at home and baby sleeps in my arms. Or if the weather is good baby will go in sling while we all go for a walk/play ball outside. I haven’t attempted to get my eldest to be quieter!

Thanks everyone for your tips - I'm rather in awe of everyone, especially those with twins and a toddler! I've given white noise a go and tried napping him in his pram carrycot a bit more. We've also tried to just carry on as normal a bit more and fit baby into our routine.

DS1 is great with him and enjoys helping and playing with baby. DH and I are trying to make a concerted effort to make sure he gets time with both of us one to one too as someone suggested - definitely really important.

DS2 seems to actually prefer sleeping on his own rather than on me most of the time. Only problem now is I seem to have a very overtired baby as he's going through a sleep resisting phases and his naps are quite short (always much longer when he does sleep on me) so that's our next hurdle!

DS1 starts school this week so that will change things again and I at least know he'll be getting plenty of stimulation during the day whilst DS2 gets some quiet time. Then the weekends will be much more out and about so hopefully more quality time for everyone.

Thanks all for taking the time to help

@Bettyboop82 I'm with you with the guilt! Have spent too much time asking DS1 to be quiet, makes me feel like an awful mum. And also similar to @Debradoyourecall - the TV is such a help sometimes but felt we were relying on it far too much at times...!

Naps in the buggy and a scooter for the four year old. Lots and lots of walks.

I had a 2 year old then twins

Before they were born we played a lot of singing games and read books.

When they slept We would go shhhh!! and head to the kitchen for some messy play, drawings, play doh, paint etc and just chat and have fun.

The slept together in one Moses basket until they were too big.

Then the pram, and as the got older the sofa, with lots of cushions on the floor.

They can sleep through the TV!