6 weeks til my breastfed baby starts nursery at 10.5 months old - worrying how he'll manage without daytime breastfeeds

[Peachypopples]

Hi all,

I've been between jobs whilst on maternity leave but have just secured a role to return to, which is good news. However, it's also emotional for me as my mat leave period (I was giving myself a year ish but always knew I'd need to start applying for jobs around now and be flexible on starting a new job and therefore ending mat leave) is now going to come to an end a few weeks earlier than I'd hoped. This is because they need to me to start (albeit remotely) in mid October.

I think I can move my son's nursery place forward. The plan is for him to be at nursery 3 days per week, after a two day settling in process. And with my mother in law the other 2 days of the week.

My dilemma is that I have 6 weeks to prepare him for all of this rather than the 9/10 weeks I imagined I'd have. At the moment he's breastfed on demand and eating 3 meals of solids per day - about 4 tablespoons in each one plus fingerfood once a day. He's mostly doing well with the solids and will sip water from a Doidy cup too. I'm nervous though about being away from him for 10 hours or so per weekday in approx 6 weeks as we still breastfed (though I do feel he's started taking a bit less milk from me due to the solids becoming more established. I can tell that I'm less hungry and assume that's because milk demand has dropped a little!).

I'd love to hear experiences from those of you who've been through similar. How did it work out for you? Do you think 6 weeks will be enough time to increase solids and water during the day a little more with the aim of bfing him in the morning and evening and bedtime/night time only? I could potentially provide expressed milk too for during the day - but he won't take a bottle at all, only drinks from the Doidy cup 🤔

Thanks in advance!

Don't have experience of purposefully cutting down but my little boy stopped being interested in daytime feeds around 9/10months. He was too interested in what else was going on to lie and stare at my boob and just stopped by himself over a couple of weeks. He would still feed in the morning and at night when he was more tired. I think he was eating a little more than you've said in your post as always been very keen on food. I was worried initially as he didn't seem to drink enough water to make up for it, although always had wet nappies so no reason to worry really. I spoke with the health visitor who said to just make sure he got enough calcium from other sources and as I was still breastfeeding twice a day I was fine to give cows milk for calcium fluids as well. So we started a routine of 3 meals and 2 snacks a day and just made sure he always had a cup available to drink when he wanted. He has gradually started drinking more by himself.

So what I'm trying to get at was that he got used to no daytime feeds very quickly, although in our case it was led by him rather than us.

Thanks so much Brunilde! That's really helpful to know. 🤞🏻🤞🏻mine will get used to it quickly too. I plan to offer a bit more solids, was following a loose weaning plan where you up the quantity at 9 months anyway (he's about 9mo now). So will see - he may drop down day time feeds some more just naturally 🤞🏻

Congratulations on your new job!

I went back to work when my DS was 8 months old, my job is 3 days a week and he had 1 day a week with DH and 2 days a week at nursery.

DS had been mostly breastfed until then with the occasional bottle of expressed breast milk. We did go through a few phases of bottle refusal but persevered (well, DH, did, I kept myself and my boobs out of the room!) and he did take a bottle again. However, if your baby will drink from a cup then that's fine and you don't need to worry about bottles.

I don't remember preparing, particularly, and it all worked out fine. At the beginning DS would have a long breastfeed when I got home from work (on his days with DH) or collected him from nursery. But we both adjusted fine. I did express at work to begin with, to stay comfortable and keep up my supply. I didn't manage to express loads so we did top up with formula when the ebm ran out.

I continued to breastfeed DS until after his second birthday so all worked out fine

Thanks NameChange30! That's super helpful. Reassuring to hear that the adjustment wasn't too major for either of you.

How did the settling in go in general for you? Did your little one have any separation anxiety at first?

It feels like a long time ago already - it was Nov 2017 (he is 3.5 now!) but if I remember rightly he was ok, I think I was more upset than he was The nursery did gradual settling in, first session was one hour when I stayed (which was weird tbh) and then I left him for 1 hour, then 2, 3, 4 up to 5 and then his first full day. So all very gradual.

I guess each childcare setting will manage the settling in process differently, and it might be different atm anyway because of covid? But however it works for your DS, I'm sure he will adjust.

When there have been times that DS was upset at drop off, the staff reassured me that he calmed down very quickly afterwards.

I remember feeling worried about him wanting comfort and not having enough milk while there but honestly I think babies are so adaptable and he developed a good bond with his key worker that was heartwarming to see.

I returned when DD was 8.5m, although she was with DH. DD didn't take a bottle and would only drink from a doidy cup too (so relatively small amounts). The two weeks before returning I tried to limit it to one work daytime bf, plus morning, evening, night. The first day or two were a bit tough from about 3pm but after that she managed fine. I think 6 weeks is plenty of time to figure it out. If you think back to how much your DS has developed in the last 6 weeks. Congratulations on the job.

My job requires travel. My DD spontaneously decided to stop BFing 2 weeks before I went back to work, when she was 9 months old. That had its own challenges (8 feeds per day to zero overnight... agony for my breasts!) but proved fairly convenient! I’ve since met a number of people whose babies made that choice at a similar age (coinciding with greater mobility). DS on the other hand is still BF’ing at 17 months. I went back to work when he was 6 months old. The transition to sippy sup took about a week (he wasn’t starving! He’d take it happily morning and evening with his dad, he just preferred water and purées at daycare for the first week for some reason). I’d be gone for anywhere from 2-5 days, and coming home we never had any trouble getting back into breastfeeding. Didn’t seen to cause any grief beyond Week 1. So all good!

I returned to work at 10months. My son never took a bottle and wasn't drinking from a cup or eating much despite all my best attempts. In fact nursery would only allow him half a day until he could drink from a cup. It was so so stressful!

He was fine though, loved nursery never a problem going and after about a 2weeks did start drinking water from a cup and eating more there.

He did alot more breastfeeding at night though which was pretty exhausting and I found I was very engorged at work and had to pump which was difficult but boobs did adjust after a month or so.

Your DC will be fine, I think it's much more stressful for us.

I went back at 11 months and DS was still having multiple breastfeeds a day (having never taken a bottle). He was an excellent eater but just loved the comfort of bf I think. Anyway I did nothing to prepare him or cut down in advance because I wanted him to have it as long as he could! And he adjusted absolutely no problem. I’d feed him in the morning, as soon as I got home from work at 5.30 and then again before bed and carried on like that until I stopped bf at about 14 months. If you’re not there they don’t expect it!

I went back to work when my breastfed bottle refuser was 11 months. We didn't prepare, and he ate small amounts of food during the day and made up for it by feeding more or less all night - we co slept for a few months. It all calmed down fairly quickly once he realised I'd always come back for him...

Thanks so much all for these responses 🙏🏻I feel so much better and more prepared now, just hearing your experiences.

It’ll be much easier than you think. My DD was a total boob monster at that age, and not at all keen on bottles. I left some expressed milk to have in a cup when she wanted it, but she mostly didn’t. It was a complete non-issue - as it wasn’t there, she didn’t want it. She DID want it the second she saw me at the end of the day though and had a large feed (which to be honest was great, as I was getting pretty engorged and uncomfortable). You don’t need to stres about it. If you’ll feel more prepared cutting down over the next 6 weeks, feel free. But you don’t have to - your child will adapt to different circumstances better than you realise.

Thanks @crazychemist . So reassuring to hear! ✨