Newborn Advice

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Hi everyone,

I'm a FTM to a beautiful baby girl who is 11 days old - after a horrible induction and labour she had a little bit of a tough start and had various testing and monitoring in hospital, I was on various medicine, antibiotics and monitoring so both of us had a 5 day stay in hospital but all is well now with the baby and I'm just finishing off which feels like so much medicine but I'm also well

Baby is breastfed majority of the time, she has had a few bottles - when I was in hospital one of the midwifes advised I bottle feed for the night as I had 2 hours sleep in 3 nights and baby was (and still is) cluster feeding. When we came home we have been sometimes FF her over night time as it's the only way we can get an couple of hours sleep as otherwise she wants to be latched on to my breast pretty much all night even when she's not drinking. The midwife & HV said this is completely normal. It's just becoming really difficult as I am sometimes stuck to one spot for hours with her latched on and unable to do anything. She cries when I unlatch her even when she's not drinking. At the hospital the midwifes said it was fine to combine feed as long as I pump to keep my milk flowing but the HV today seemed pretty against it and said to just pursue with the BF and not FF/express to bottles so I feel conflicted now. I did want to continue with the BF but I feel so sore sometimes as well which contributes to the FF. Baby does latch well majority of the time but I'm still left sore sometimes. She did have a tongue tie but was snipped on the last day at the hospital once all her Medicine and observations were finished.

She also refuses to sleep in her cot (co sleeper attached to the bed) or her Moses basket. We've tried wait until she's in a deep sleep and put her in but she wakes every time and cries straight away, we've tried after a feed and she is the same and we also tried putting one of my tops down as a sheet so my scent is there but she still doesn't sleep unless she is on me or her daddy. I never wanted to have her co-sleep in our bed as I'm aware of the dangers and we won't sleep as I can't relax with her in our bed as I just am terrified.

I am tempted to stop the BF due to feeling like I'm just doing it wrong I feel so awful saying that because she clearly has a lot of comfort from BF. It's not even that I don't enjoy it because I do I just struggle when she wants to be latched constantly, the other night was 6 hours and if I put her down she cried

Does anyone have any advice with the combination feeding/experience or advice for getting baby to sleep in her cot?

I know it's still early days and she's still got soooo much to get used to I just constantly feel like I'm doing something wrong and only want to be the best I can for her

TIA xx

Congratulations on the birth of your DD. I Part FF twins until my milk was fully in while pumping away after every feed to build supply up. That took about 3 weeks. As well as having one of my tops in the cot to transfer my smell, I put a hot water bottle in it to have the covers warm for when I settled them ( took bottle And my top out when baby down). It took a few weeks for them to settle by themselves and move from wanting to be awake all night and sleep all day. I think feeding lots at night in the early weeks does help to build your supply. Probably not helping you much. At about 3 months I began to dream feed which was not waking them for the 2 am feed, I just Picked them up and they fed whilst asleep and although I always held them upright after they never burped, so really quick to BF in the night as they didn’t wake up but had a full feed. I think as long as your supply is growing Combi feed until you have enough - also express after each feed so that your partner can do a bottle BF say at 10pm so you can get sleep. Important to get them onboard early so DD happy to be with either of you

Also babies do cry and it’s ok and they do need to learn to go off themselves and she will in time. Don’t worry about the crying although it is pitched to go right through you and put you in immediate high alert from a deep sleep! You sound like you are off to a great start

You are doing everything right, she just wants her mummy.
It's so hard getting conflicting advice from midwives, I'm sure they are not all trained to the same standards re breastfeeding.
I believe your milk supply is massively influenced intially by overnight feeds so you need to keep getting milk out overnight. I personally found this much easier with baby feeding than using a pump especially when you then have to bottle feed baby after.
Cluster feeding is hard at the beginning but it does settle, it's really important to get ur milk supply going, like you say it's still such early days.
I'd suggest a dummy, we had to try lots of brands to get one she would take and it took at bit of perseverance but once she's fed just unlatch her and slip the dummy straight in.
The cot thing was more difficult, we found a sleepy head a huge help to settle both our babies.
It's all such a steep learning curve, but if u are enjoying breastfeeding don't give up, it's cheap, convenient and best for you both. As long as she's pooing, weeing and growing you are doing it right.
Hope this helps, I too spent a lot of time on the internet for information in the early days.

Congratulations!
Enjoy those early days take lots of photos. They'll be a distant fuzzy memory before you know it.

If she's using you as a dummy, get her a dummy, preferably one of the cherry shaped ones.

These early days are hard, and until you've experienced it you don't really know what it is going to be like. Baby will only want to be held and to feed, all the time, and it's perfectly normal. She has come from a warm dark place where she was being held and could hear your heartbeat, into the big wide world. She still wants to be held as much as she was.

Cluster feeding is normal, and there's no way around it, just accept that it is baby leading the way for now and get comfortable with that. The night feeds help establish your milk, even though it's so hard to sometimes even prise your poor eyes open! If it means you don't get out of bed for two days then so be it. In fact, a whole day in bed with your little girl is probably exactly what you both need - you'll feel safe, you'll relax, you can let baby lie skin to skin and she can feed. Ask your partner if he can support you to do this. He can get into bed too. You don't have to get up to see anyone or do anything. No visitors! Just bed and food.

This is the hard part my lovely - it's so intense and such a steep learning curve, but at the same time it is wonderful. And like all stages, it passes. You don't have to enjoy it all the time, just be kind to yourself and accept that you are doing enough and that you are all learning how to be a family together. Good luck


Congratulations on your baby girl! Your birth and hospital stay sounds like mine. My DD and I were in for 5 days due to both being on antibiotics after a traumatic birth and she had various testing done. I hardly slept so was recommended to try FF by a midwife (my milk didn't come in for quite a while).
I remember the early days of having her latched on constantly especially in the evening and just before bedtime; I was so exhausted and wanted to give up BF constantly as it seemed like she was never full (her tongue tie wasn't snipped till 8 weeks). After a marathon cluster feeding session, DH would give her a bottle before bedtime and that settled her for bedtime at least (I woke her up every 2 hours to feed and made sure to BF at night as apparently between 2-3am is when your supply is most established - typical!). My HV also recommended I stop FF but it worked well for and I could get a break when DH fed her. Do what's best for you. We're still combination feeding (she's almost 4 months now).
In terms of sleeping, swaddling her was the only way I was able to get her to stay sleeping once I put her in the cot. She always escaped the muslin swaddling so I bought a few Velcro ones from Amazon which strapped her in. They have a very strong startle reflex till about 4 months so when you put them down they startle awake. I'd swaddle her in then feed her to sleep then put her down. Oh and white noise helps a lot, whilst sleeping and crying - I found a few on Spotify that I play on my phone or laptop. We still use it now (it was difficult to sleep with at first but I hardly notice it now!).
Hang in there mama, you're doing brilliantly :)

Feel free to PM me as I know the first few days/weeks are very tough! Xx

Completely normal. Everything. Feed her more and it will help your milk come in. Get her a dummy for when she’s not feeding. Not being able to leave the house for three months because of being latched on 24/7 is very normal. Not getting sleep is very normal.
Sadly, giving up bf is also very normal. It’s hard. People don’t like hard. But... if you get it established right, it is piss easy and way less work than ff in the long run.
Short term pain for looooooooong term gain.
But nothing terrible will happen either way. All the sterilizing and mixing and paying out cash for formula is a ballsache, but if it’s important for you to not bf right now, you do you.
It just takes longer if you combi-feed, but you just have to persevere.

Also, don't assume that switching to FF will make any difference to getting her to sleep off you. Many, many babies start off not wanting to be put down - it's completely natural and they won't always be like this.

My own baby was FF from day 1 but refused to be put down anywhere for the first few weeks. We had her in the sling most of the day and swaddling helped at night (if you don't want to co-sleep).

Congratulations OP. You are doing a great job. Newborns just want to be close to their mums to begin with, so what you're experiencing sounds normal. It does get better.

Congratulations. Have you heard of the fourth trimester...might be worth looking that up as it helps explain why your baby wants to be on you etc. We used a groswaddle which made a huge difference and also lying down to feed the baby to sleep on the crib mattress then sliding the crib mattress off our bed back into the next to you crib. It all sounds completely normal but it is tough and it does get better.

This all sounds perfectly normal, I fear maybe you had unrealistic expectations of feeding a newborn. Their stomachs are tiny. She's been inside you her entire life and has only known life apart from you for 11 days! That's less than a holiday! I think you need to be easier on yourself. Sleep when you possibly can, get your partner to do literally everything else,( make dinner clean up wash clothes and dishes) so you can focus on your baby. Don't worry about anything else. This time is so precious and so fleeting, you'll soon have more sleep, more time. Ebf will be easier and cheaper for you in the long run. Please don't be critical on yourself or over think it, each day at a time. X

Completely normal and sounds like you're doing a great job. Get a swaddle (I second the velcro ones from Amazon, a lifesaver) and white noise for sleeping. But to start with they do just want to be held and developmentally cannot self settle at this age. It sounds like your partner is helpful? Work as a team as far as possible and take shifts. I combi fed until 6/7 months and now EBF as the feeds lessened a bit when starting solids, but knowing it wasn't solely on me helped so much. If you want to combi feed I'd try to have a regular time when you give a bottle and for the first few weeks pump then too to keep up your supply. I tried to stick to one bottle per day. Dummies are fine if not interfering with feeding cues so if you've just fed baby and they're comfort sucking use it then. Might be worth getting someone from the infant feeding team to check the latch just to make sure if it's painful. You're doing a fab job and I promise it gets easier!

Just want to echo that it's completely normal op. Have you tried feeding whilst laying down yet? It can be a good way for you to rest a little whilst baby feeds if you make your bed safe/ you can even do it using the crib. DC3 used to wake as soon as I moved her so I co slept. Had no issues getting her into her own room at around 8 months.
The only thing I'll say is that the night feed is very necessary to keep your supply up. If you want to give a bottle I'd look at your DH giving baby an evening bottle so that you can get into bed early and get some rest before the night. If you try to keep the bottle to the same time every day it shouldn't cause much issue.

Congratulations on your baby!
My first was like this. DH gave him one bottle of formula in the evening and we have continued to do the same for DD (who is 19 days old) - DD also cluster feeds in the evening but I go to bed as early as possible and the one bottle allows me to get 3-4 hours uninterupted sleep. Bliss!
A cherry shaped dummy worked wonders with DS. Also, I have co slept with both DS and DD and it has made so much difference. Look up safe sleep guidelines before you rule it out completely - honestly, it could make so much difference.
DD also lives in my Ergobaby sling, as did DS - DS wouldn't even consider going in a pram or cot for 6 months. The Ergobaby is the best thing I've bought, I love it.
Things will get easier! Hang in there, you sound like a lovely mum

Thank you all so much for your replies and kind words
I think new mum emotions and lack of sleep had me doubting myself and due to the tough start the baby had I worry that little bit more! Baby is still cluster feeding overnight but I know it's not forever and I do love breastfeeding her and seeing the comfort she gets and how much she enjoys it. We have a feeding specialist coming to see us within the next few days which will be a massive help as I don't want to stop BF but the soreness was definitely taking a toll on me. I can't believe my teeny baby is over 2 weeks old now! Where has the time gone!!
Sorry if I'm a bit rambley or don't make sense, coffee is definitely my saviour at the moment 😂 xx

Just to help set your expectations for the next few weeks. The first two weeks of life to be almost 100% feeding and sleeping on you. Weeks 2-8 are quite intense too. Feeding can fluctuate, but just go with it, watch loads of TV, rest and recuperate with your little one. Maybe learn to bedshare safely if you are tired: www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

Crying and evening fussiness usually peaks between 6-8 weeks. After that, she will begin to settle into a bit of a daily rhythm and you will have breastfeeding firmly established, if that is the route you want to take.

I really wouldn't faff around with expressing and formula before 6-8 weeks personally, but if formula top ups are working for you then great.

Re sore nipples. Use loads of lanolin, after every feed and really at any opportunity. And hopefully the feeding specialist will help correct any latch problems.