My daughter and her friend left home alone during play date without my knowledge

[Jane2613]

My daughter had a recent play date at a friend's house and I just found out from my daughter that her friend's mother left my daughter and her friend home alone for nearly an hour during the play date. During this hour, the mother completed a round trip to a nearby town about 25 minutes away by car. My daughter and her friend have both just turned 10 years old.

I am quite shocked and horrified that the friend's mother, whom I know quite well, did this without asking me first. I do not feel it was not her place to decide whether my daughter could be left home alone with her 10-year old friend for almost an hour. I'm interested to know other people's views here, and thoughts on what I should do next. I feel I should let this other mother know that I do not feel her actions were acceptable.

I would have done it but not without checking with the other parent first as I know it everyone would

A lot of parents have been forced into leaving children home alone due no school, no holiday clubs etc. Perhaps leaving her home alone for an hour has become a new norm. I think you should ask and just say you aren't comfortable with it in future. chances are she popped to a local shop 5 minutes away and your daughter got the wrong end of the stick.

I stopped my dd staying at one particular friend's house as her dps went out drinking and left 2 x 12yo babysitting a 1yo and a 3 yo..
Personal choice of course but they dps didn't have my permission to treat my dd like she was theirs.
Yanbu to state your unhappiness..

When that happened to our son (even younger, 8 or 9) he never went to their house again.

10 is ok to be left alone an hour (Depending on the child and situation) but would need parental chat first.

I would be furious! That's not on at all. She may choose to do that with her child, but she should have at the very least asked your permission. Or arranged a playdate for when she wasn't otherwise busy. I don't leave my 10 year old alone at home.

I'd not trust that particular parent again.

You have to ask imo.

If not bother saying anything though as it wouldn't achieve anything.

It would just be no more visits.

Why is this in AMA

I’ve left my youngest DD and a friend (both 9) at home while I popped to shop under the supervision of my teenage child but I wouldn’t leave them home on their own.
Different people have different boundaries though. I saw one of DD’s friends walk to the shop on her own the other day and for me I think it’s a bit too young but her Mum obviously doesn’t.

I think the mum should have asked you if was ok with you to leave the girls home alone.

Some parents would be fine with it and some not- always best to check .

Of course it's not ok to do this without the other parent's knowledge

Not seeing a problem. They are 10 not 5.

10 is fairly old so I probably wouldn't mind it but only if she had asked if it was ok first.

It was completely wrong of her not to make sure you were ok with the arrangement first.

Hi there, @Jane2613 - we're just bobbing on here to say that we've moved your thread over to Parenting as we're not sure you meant to post it in this topic.

Hope that helps but do let us know if we can do anything else.

It's not really a big deal for two 10 year olds to be home for a short while but she should probably have asked you - that's the unacceptable bit. It's all a bit dramatic to be shocked, furious and horrified, sorry. As pp said, they're not five.

Thanks all, it seems like I am being reasonable in thinking she should have asked first. Am going to send her an email to let her know my feelings about this.

I would be annoyed too. I do wonder though if she wanted to go to the other town, her dad didn’t want to go so thought if she asked your dd to play so she didn’t need to take her dd with her - as she was happy to leave them both behind whereas she wouldn’t leave her dd alone. Obviously she should have checked - maybe she didn’t as she didn’t want you to say no and spoil her plans!