Did anyone else feel sad in their first year of being a new mum?

[newmum2999]

NC for this.

I feel so bad about writing this but I just feel exhausted all the time.

I love my son and he's an absolute delight, smiles, claps and happy all the time. He's just lovely and coming on so well. Nearly 11 months!

However, I just feel permanently exhausted. I'm so tired and just have no get up and go anymore. He just started teething again and is keeping me up all night and I just feel like I can't do it.

I'm trying to stay positive and happy. But I barely even have time for a shower as he's now dropped his morning nap.

I'm so fed up

Did anyone else feel like this? I feel so guilty for feeling like this.

Thank you for the tip of a thing to distract him with when changing.

Life changing!

@Itsalwayssunnyupnorth

I haven't gone back to work yet. Waiting till he is 1 but we've talked about postponing it.

I don't mind cleaning, I actually really enjoy it and getting things organised. I'm a slight control freak .

Great tip on nappy pants! Amazon-ing now!!!

Thank you @firstimemamma 💕

Thanks @Dyra. That's really helpful.

I don't tend to do TV. My expectations on myself are way too high to be a perfect mum and it's just killing me.

We do, however, do In the Night Garden for winding down at least once a day. Usually after a bath if he's still restless.

He's very energetic and needs constant entertainment, talking to, engagement. He's a lovely little thing tho and never really cries.

He has him 7-9am and through the night if he wakes. He is working full time though. Occasionally does dinner and bath but he likes to exercise around then.
He is a good DH and tries really hard to help.

Yes and I absolutely hated looking at my phone and seeing it was getting closer to the morning and I had to get up soon and start it all again. We'd not long moved and I literally had no one except my partner but he worked long hrs. On top of that he didn't understand how hard it was for me and quite often went out to a friends on the weekend and I was left home a lot on my own. I dread thinking about those days. Hate to say it but it was one of the worst years for me.

That’s great about your DH sharing night parenting.

Do you get much leisure time alone? If not would be good to identify time slots for that.

When you say postponing returning to work, do you mean taking a career break after maternity leave (if your organisation offers this)? That could be a risky thing to do workwise in the current economic climate, as you’d have far fewer employment rights in comparison with returning to work straight from mat leave. Also doesn’t seem ideal to take more time AH when you’re not enjoying some aspects of maternity leave.

Personally I disliked bath/bedtime with DC1 (I was tired, DC was tired and wouldn’t settle) and wanted DH to cover that several times a week. Felt differently with DC1 and 2 together.

I was exhausted with it. Bored even. And they slept well.
I went back to work pt at four and five months respectively for a break from it all, they went to nursery and I felt 100% better. They're now 17 and 15 and never a moments regret.

Yes, cried every day at least of the first year I had my twins. Really regretted having them and felt like shit all the time They’re now 3 and I love spending time with them. First year is brutal

Yes. I would fantasise about my old, much more exciting life. I was lonely as had no family or friends near me and I was exhausted as my baby didn't sleep more than a few hours until
I caved and gave her a bottle of formula aged 9 months. Things steadily started improving after I was getting more rest.

It won't be like this forever, there is a big adjustment period.

OP I could have written this . I'm so sorry you're feeling like this but believe me, I think it's very normal. There's a sort of hushed reverence about the magic of parenting. But doing it during a pandemic is a whole extra layer of difficult. I'm going to save this thread and look at it every morning. I need that. Stay strong. You're doing so well xxxx

Thanks for all your lovely and very real replies. They've given me a new perspective and a sense of positivity.

I went in at 4pm and said can you have the baby, I'm going for a run! And he did. Something I haven't done since before he was born.

I feel 100x better. Thanks Ladies.

Hooray! Well done. Having time to yourself is key.

I think people enjoy different parts of parenting, and yours might not have got to that stage yet.

I hated newborn to walking - so literally the first year! Once she walked it was a game changer, and all happened in one week; confidently walking everywhere, dropping to one nap and sleeping 11 hours straight. Then being fully mobile also allows you to potter around doing jobs while they ‘help’ so you can chill out and have a rest while they nap. Once they can communicate what they want (mine is 20 months so says a lot of words) it also gets a lot easier.

Until you find your golden age, I echo what people have said above; go back to work if you can or take advantage of babysitting offers/get a few nursery sessions a week and use this to recharge your batteries. Good luck!

Hey OP

Maybe you need to assess the level of perfection you are trying to achieve?

I was always able to shower when my sub-1 yo was awake and didn’t have to wait til he was napping

(This is just one item from your OP)...

But it makes me think that you’re parenting HARD.

Why can’t you leave him in a walker / or in sight and penned in while you shower and not be only tending to his needs while he’s awake?

And with regards to the fighting on the changing mat

Bring the mat down to the floor - so what if it doesn’t look right

It so much easier to use your weight to mange him fighting back when you can you get right over him.

Sometimes I feel that moms stick to the pampers ad version that they see in their heads rather than being intuitive and tackling a new situation with new solutions

Care less

Also maybe get your thyroid checked. This goes haywire post pregnancy for quite a few women and is easily treatable.

I have to say - I went back to full time work when my boy was 2 months old and he was with a nanny from 7 months (husband did mat leave)..

Your child benefits a lot from having other Care givers In his life (other than you). It builds resilience and really tires them out looking at new faces.

Maybe try to get him a nursery or play school place 2 Mornings a week

It will really stand to him And make him easier to entertain when he is at home.

I agree TV is not the answer for an 11 mo

Yep, definitely had sad days. In my case, I had more frustration and argued with my DH a lot. I was really emotional about imminently returning to work and felt hugely conflicted.

Don’t feel bad about not being deliriously happy every day. Babies are HARD work! I don’t think anyone feels happy for the whole of their babies first year. Teething is the pits. It’s ok not to cope, let yourself have a bit of time to wallow when you need to.

Regarding changing battles - agree with PP who said to ditch the table. I have up on that as soon as my DD got seriously wriggly and just did it kneeling on the floor. By the time she was 13 months I started using pull ups as it meant less time trying to keep her on the mat when she was desperate to be up and off! Having something for them to look at can help - I had one of those little mini disco light thingies that project on the ceiling. Just a cheap one for about £5 I think. Bought me a couple of minutes! If that doesn’t work, singing might do it if your DC likes music.

Do you have family nearby that can give you a break? If you’re not sleeping well at night, you need to have a bit of a catch-up sometimes during the day. If someone else can take your child out in the pram for a long walk and maybe a bit of mat time in a park it could make a huge difference to how you feel. “It takes a village” etc - don’t try to do everything yourself!

Yes definitely! I cried a lot and had mental health issues, i felt like my life had changed so much and I missed the old me and the freedom I had. To be honest, I think I worked too hard (completed my masters) when my daughter was 1-2 and it was only when this was done that I relaxed a bit and started to enjoy her. She's now 2.8 and we are very close. So don't push yourself too hard ,take all the help you can and know it gets easier.

God I cried every day for the first 3 months. Mine is now almost 4 and an utter delight ( cant wait for him to go back to nursery though!). I loathe babies and the utter shock and horror of that first year means mine will be an only!

Please do go back to work at 1 yr OP! It saved my sanity.

They get much more rewarding as they get older. Not necessarily easier (especially if you are someone who likes to be in control, as they develop stubborn minds of their own!) but you get way more back as they develop into little people.

I really appreciate all those who have posted. Thank you.

Feeling much better this week. It's definitely a rollercoaster but DH has been helping out so much. He took the baby all weekend so I could just do nothing. Literally nothing. It was bliss and I feel I have the energy this week to be a 'better mum'.

Thanks all.

Not only the first year. But the first two years were hell for me even though I have an Angel for a daughter. Don't worry it will pass.