Please help me talk about sex to my teen!

[fungussingstheblues]

The biology and mechanics were fine. I had no problem talking to DS about the facts of life when he was 8, 9, 10. But now he's 15 and in an actual relationship, I'm totally floundering. He's pretty reticent and quiet and I don't want to push things or seem preachy, but I would like to be able to tell him I hope he waits for a bit before having sex with his 14yo girlfriend. Though maybe he already is. I know, it's crap that I don't actually know.

I mean, I don't think that he is, 70% sure, but I just don't know. I don't want to come at him from the "it's legally underage" standpoint - I know this type of thing will just alienate him - but I also don't want to hand over condoms in case it does make him think, "Well, if mum thinks it's ok, let's go, wahey!" I do want him to have them now, though, just in case.

I'd be so grateful for some wise conversation openers, at least - honestly don't even know how to start it... which I know is flaky in itself.

I thought I'd be a cool, down-with-the-kids parent when it came to sex... obviously not :-(

Erm you need to come across to him from the legal point of view tbf. Sit him down, have an honest and frank conversation with him. Your in a relationship, you understand they may want to take things further but you need to be mindful of your emotions now and in years to come- don’t rush into things the law is there for a reason. Then reassure him that you will trust them to make the right decision but when the time comes to be having sex you hope he will remember the talks you gave him about safe sex and should he need reminding about this you are there to talk to him about it.

If you can’t talk to him, write it down at least.

Well my eldest is 21 and my youngest is 13 and in your case I'd just say it. 'I want to talk to you about sex now that you've got a girlfriend. You know it's a no no don't you and why?' I'd then probably have a bit of a joke ('yes I KNOW this is hideously mortifying for you but it's in my job description' or some such ) but the facts are the facts. You don't want a 15 year old having sex with a 14 year old and yes, I know that you can't stop this of course but you can have a damn good go - and at least ensure he knows your stance on it and the legal stance on it.

Don't be all cool and woke - just do what any decent parent would do and say it's not to happen until they're both 16. (And then try not to dwell on the fact that he may well do - all you have to do is be very clear and direct with him)

I just said to mine, if you're old enough to be considering having sex then you're old enough to discuss it sensibly. He agreed with that and the conversation went ok.

Wisest, thank you, that sounds a good way in.

just do what any decent parent would do and say it's not to happen until they're both 16.
Smack, agree with the sentiment, but presenting it this way will just have the opposite effect imo. Tell a kid they can't do something and they just want it more, don't they?

There just seems to be such a fine line between laying down the law in a disapproving way, and giving them the go-ahead. Maybe most of you find it a lot easier than I do! Thanks, though.