Desperately trying to stop breastfeeding

[ComeOnBridgett]

Looking for some advice.

My son is currently 10 months old and I have exclusively fed him for 10 months. He has no issues with bottles and expressed milk but HATES formula.

I don't know what to do, I'm desperate to stop feeding him now. I want my body back 😢. I feel fat and like a human feeding machine. I loved 9 months of it, but I'm done now and really would like to go for a girls weekend too.

I understand some people would find this selfish but I've dedicated 18 months of my life to my son and it's time for some 'me' time.

I'd really like to be able to run too and I just can't whilst still feeding as I'm too big busted.

He isn't looking for a feed especially, but he won't go to sleep or nap without one. He is a brilliant sleeper and he goes down easy. However, without a feed he is awake for hours.

He is eating really well and has at least 3 meals a day with snacks! He's very healthy and chunky.

Any advice on how to stop? I don't want to express.

Thanks

I recognise that feeling so much.

My DS fed until he was just before 3. He stopped day feeds at about 2. Just night and nap feeds we kept. He was only napping once a day at 2 and then he eventually dropped the day nap. So we were just left with evening sleep.

At the age of 1, I'd feed him to sleep, leave him by sneaking out the room and go up to him if he woke up and feed him to sleep again. That meant that I mostly had my evenings back to myself which was lovely.

I lost weight through diet first and then got to working out. DS wouldn't go 10 minutes without being held by me even when he was 6 months so I had to improvise.

DS stopped feeding completely when I got pregnant again. My milk changed and the amount was less. Eventually he got the message. I started to say "No we'll feed in a minute" and he'd fall asleep next to me instead. After doing that for about 3 nights he stopped asking.

I went through what you are feeling, many times. By the time our breastfeeding journey came to an end, I was a bit sad tbh.

Gentle encouragement is the way to go, if you really feel that ending it is the best choice for you :-)

Thanks so much for your message @PlinkPlink

That's great going. Maybe I should just go cold turkey? I'm just worried he won't sleep.

I think from about 11 months you could start offering a cup of cow’s milk in place of one feed per week and have planned to have completely finished by 12 months. So close to the finishing line!

Thanks @pjani

I thought they had to be 12 months? Because of allergies?

Whole cows milk as a drink can be given from 12 months. This isn't due to allergies, it's that breastmilk or formula are more nutritionally complete for younger babies.

I'm wondering whether you've thought about gentle weaning methods like don't offer, don't refuse? Gradually lengthening the time between feeds can lead to a reduced number of feeds daily over a period of a few weeks. Some mums also find going cold turkey works, as you mention, however this carries the risk of lumpy boobs and mastitis. It might be necessary to hand express a small amount regularly for comfort, if you choose this method.

Anecdotally, mums also find the hormonal changes harder to deal with if going cold turkey - periods can come back, and the sudden drop in prolactin levels can lead to feelings of sadness or mood swings.

Would you consider feeding overnight, or conversely night weaning, as a compromise while he is still so little?

Have you tried the formula at a few different temperatures, or in a sippy cup? Perhaps uncoupling feeds from sleep abd snuggles would help him to be ready to move on from breastfeeding? Could you try (backcarrying?) in a sling so he can still enjoy being close to you without it being about breastfeeding?

There are some more ideas here
www.llli.org/breastfeeding-info/weaning-how-to/

It's really great that you've reached your breastfeeding goals and feel comfortable and ready to move on. You can still ask fpr support from your usual breastfeeding support channels (groups, helplines, health visitor) even at the end of your breastfeeding journey.

I know you don't want to express but could you do a week or so and mix expressed milk with formula to get him used to it? If you can hang on another month then you could switch gradually to cows milk and bypass formula altogether.

It sounds like you need to find an alternative method of getting him to sleep.

If you are on facebook there are very supportive groups for weaning from breastfeeding. You could also speak to la leche league as they will also be able to offer lots of support and advice.

@Lockdownseperation

I don't feed him to sleep. I feed him, read to him and then 30 mins later put him down and he falls asleep.

If I don't bf, he won't sleep at all.

I don't feed overnight either. It's only pre-nap and before bed. Not to sleep though!

My son is 10 months as well and I'm winding down.
I've cut the mid afternoon feed and he gets a cup of cow's milk. (Yes I know he isn't one yet but otherwise he would have nothing because I'm not introducing formula now).
I still breast feed morning and evening.
Next month I'll drop the morning feed so he just has the bed time milk.
This is how I weaned my older two as well.
I don't do feed on demand... I'm incharge of when he gets milk. By 13 months I'll have a cup of cow's milk for bed time.
This is how I wean and works for me but you might want something more immediate.

I was told 6 months for cows milk. 🤷🏻‍♀️

With DS it got to the point that I did morning and night feeds for about a week, then went cold turkey. I needed to because I was then pregnant with DD and it was making my Hyperemesis worse.

Trying to wean DD now and she's a bit more reliant on me. DS would, despite almost being 3 now, happily breastfeed again. There's been a few times where he's tried latching on....

Ah didn't see that you feed to sleep. You might have to change that first.

Well that’s great that you don’t need to feed to sleep. Can you try giving a big snack about 30 mins before sleep time or even better get your partner to do it.

@OneTooManyBathtimes you have cow milk in things from 6 months but until 12 months either breast milk or formula should be given for drinks. This is a guide and it depends on how much of a varied diet they eat.

I would maybe suggest trying cows milk with vitamins?

@Hangingtrousers thank you! Can you let me know how this goes please?

@OneTooManyBathtimes no way? Yikes! Tough going Mama!

@Hangingtrousers I don't feed to sleep! 🤣 I keep saying this.

He just won't sleep without a feed and the feed can be up to and hour or so before bed! It doesn't make a different.

I will do... He's my 3rd and it's worked both times before and going the same way again. It's a longer process of gradually cutting down.
Good luck with what ever you decide to do to stop.

It does sound like he's milk dependent on sleep though if you have to feed before a nap or he won't sleep!

I do the evening breast feed in a light bright room with TV going and conversation. Then move to his bedroom for bed time stories. You may need to completely separate milk and sleep.

At 10 months you're close to the finish line of 12 months now. You're nearly there mama.

That said, you can start some sleep training now. We did controlled crying. It took 4 nights with both my kids.

I'd start with nap times and keep the last feed until 12 months.

At nap time, do your usual routine but without the feed. Put him down and leave. He will cry, wait 2 mins go in and reassure him, pat him, lay him down but don't pick up. Leave and wait 4 mins, repeat settling off needed. The leave 6,8,10 mins before going in. Keep 10 mins as the longest interval.

First day it will take a while but each day will get quicker and then he will sleep without the feed