How little resilience is typical for a three-nager....?

[ThreenagerToTeenager]

We are currently experiencing the terrible threes with DD1, having largely sailed through age 2. She’s not a kick in the shirt off of turning 4 and yet STILL all day every day we have big snotty sobs or outright screaming and crying over evvvvvvvverything. Im absolutely demented listening to it. When does it stop? Is this normal for 3? How do you build resilience in a kid this age, so that hopefully a day comes when they do not need to roll around on the floor hysterically over their dad forgetting to share a bite of bagel with them???

Oof. Poor you. Sending sympathy –and the not-very reassuring message that I know a number of people in their 30s and 40s who never grew out of that stage.

(And to be fair, catch me at the right time of the month and I've been known to sob over something like a bite of a bagel).

What response does she get when she gets into this behaviour?

Oh it varies depending on how fed up I am or how busy I am with the DD2. I wouldn’t say it’s particularly pandered to.... it’s usually at least one attempt to listen and resolve the problem, a warning that I’m not going to listen to it if the nonsense carries on, and then when it inevitably does, she gets sent to her room and told to come find me as soon as she’s ready to stop the carry on. It does appear to work in that she goes to the room and calms down and comes back ready to be a (fairly) sensible human being again, but it all then happens again within the half hour. The socks aren’t on right, or she wants to go to a swing park instead of nursery, or she doesn’t want to do her teeth, or the sky is blue, or it’s a Wednesday.....

@ThreenagerToTeenager mine was the same, little better now but still a stroppy four year old. She’s got better the more she could express herself, was a late talker. Would bang her head into the floor/walls, scream for hours, hold her breath. I took her to the doctors, after recording one episode -nothing wrong just one of those things lol A friend’s little girl eventually stopped stropping at age 7. So we may have a way to go!

Normal I’m afraid - take a look at this for reassurance! www.boredpanda.com/funny-reasons-why-kids-cry/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

Totally normal, but in my experience young kids are more resilient when they feel listened to. I don’t think I would send a 3yo to their room for crying, but I might wander round making sympathetic noises whilst getting on with my day. Basically, you can’t punish emotions, sets them up for a lifetime of misery. They are having a feeling, and that’s fine, it might be a completely ridiculous, over the top reaction, but acknowledging the feeling and reassuring them is going to get you far further

@Suzi888 it’s the opposite here actually.... she was a crazy early talker, four and five word sentences at just over one and a half. I do think that’s why we avoided a lot of the frustrations of the ‘terrible twos’. But we are paying for it now.....!

@Flamingolingo she is never sent to her room for genuine upset, even if it’s over something silly. This is over dramatic Oscar worthy tantruming. Half of the time she chooses to do it in front of a mirror, to better see her own exquisite distress.....! Maybe I’m doing it wrong (entirely possible) but I’m not willing to listen to that as I’m trying to work/care for the baby/doing anything else at all really. The dramatics can and must be taken elsewhere, for me! It is not stopping it though so.... maybe a new approach is needed

@RemyHadley thank you for assuring me it’s not just me... but I can’t help noticing almost every single one of those kids appears 2 and under. She’s nearly 4. :S

Hi op, I have not rtft sorry but are you absolutely sure your child is getting enough sleep? My three year old needs absolutely loads of sleep, she doesn't nap and hasn't done for well over a year (just refuses) but she needs 13 hrs sleep through the night or she's exactly as you describe. When she's had her full sleep she's a different child.

DD is nearly 4.5. She has been much better the last 6 months, although we still have dramatic comments. Last week I 'ruined summer' and last night was 'the worst night ever'. She also threatens me but her consequences aren't too worrying e.g. if you don't make me X for dinner I won't eat anything (that won't last), if you don't push me on the swings I won't play on anything (fine by me!). She tends to realise fairly quickly when she isn't getting anywhere!

I mean, I get it - I have a four year old who likes to flail around on the ground and carry on about nothing. But those ‘performances’ are quite real to him. I often walk away from him like that but I wouldn’t send him away. Mostly I just channel Prunella Scales a la Fawlty Towers and do a lot of ‘I knooow, ooooh I knooooow, you pooor thing’

@ThreenagerToTeenager I just keep thinking, what will they be like when they’re teenagers! haha! Speaking of which, she’s just walked in and declared we shall have a game of tag 🙈