Did I do the right thing? Please help!

[newmum234]

Baby had a feed at 8am yesterday, then fell asleep in his pram at 9.30am. It got to 12pm and he was still sleeping, but we were meeting friends and had to catch the bus at 12.45pm for a 30 minute journey.

We decided to wake the baby and give him a feed at home before catching the bus, as he was due some milk (it had been 4 hours) and it would be hard to feed him on a bus. But I felt so guilty waking him as he was in a really deep sleep!

Did we do the right thing or should we have:

a) Let him sleep and met friends later or cancelled (wouldn't really want to do this as it's a bit rude!)
b) Set off with him sleeping in pram but risked him waking up on the bus and screaming for the 30 minute journey because he was hungry
c) Did what we did - wake him from his sleep, feed at home then set off?

You did what you had to do. Hope you had fun with your friends!

Given that this was yesterday then I'd say you're overthinking it.

It’s fine, you could dream feed him, just wake him enough for snuggles and milk and then set off

Sounds absolutely fine to me, I wouldn't think anything of it. Defo the best option of the 3.

How old is he?

I would have woken my baby even if I wasn’t going out as I find if they go too long between feeds in the day it means they’ll need to feed more at night

How can any of those choices be the “wrong thing”?

You’re caring well for your child, ensuring s/he gets sleep, food and socialisation. How you balance that is completely up to you.

I would have left him sleeping and fed him on the bus if needed.
Why would he have to wait until after the bus?

How old is your baby? I’m guessing very little if he’s sleeping so much? Congratulations on the birth!

I’m a new mum and I’ve found sometimes it’s tricky to make decisions as there are no right answers. It just depends on who you are, who your baby is, and what your parenting style is. None of those options are wrong, they just reflect different types of parenting - so A puts baby’s needs first but is very self-sacrificing as you wouldn’t ever be able to make plans to do anything (but if baby was unwell for example, this is would be more likely to be the ‘right’ choice), B puts parent’s needs ahead of baby’s as it risks baby being hungry in order for you to see friends (I do understand why it might be difficult to feed a tiny baby on the bus, though it might be worth trying this out if you feel comfortable as it would give you more options), and C is more of an attempt at balancing baby’s needs for sleep and feeding, with your need to socialise. I personally would also have gone with C. But none of them are perfect or right, they’re just different ways of parenting. You just have to make decisions which feel best for you as a mother at the time. You’re doing great!

Thanks for the responses. Baby is 4 months old but randomly had a really long morning nap yesterday. He does sometimes do this.

There's no way I'd be comfortable or able to feed him on a jolty bus so that wasn't an option. I wouldn't be able to guarantee getting a seat for one thing!

At 4 months he's probably on to go longer than 4 hours between feeds on occasion so it also would have been fine to just wait until you got there. I don't think it's a bad thing to wake them up either though, especially if he tends to cry when he wakes up.

Babies have to fit into your life sometimes, that's OK.

Thanks @BertieBotts. I think I was just concerned that he'd wake on the bus, start crying out of hunger and then I wouldn't be able to feed him for 30 mins!

Yep - some babies would, others would be distracted by the bus ride. You know your baby best. I don't think it's wrong in the slightest to wake them so you can get a feed into them at a more convenient time. If you have a second one you will have to do this frequently.

@newmum234 unless you are sure you can feed on the bus, then there is no way I'd set out knowing he may wake up and scream for 30mins (been there, never again). Right choice! (either wait till he wakes, or just wake up and feed, both would be equally fine imo).

It's really not worth a second thought, in all honesty. As a parent you'll be making so many decisions for your child every day and you're doing your best. Be kind to yourself and trust your judgement. Your baby isn't judging you, stop second guessing yourself and just do what feels right.

Personally, I'd have done the same as you, but the other two options are also fine and I'd respect any mother's choice of any of them. It doesn't matter. Your baby is fed, rested and happy. You're doing a good job. Relax and enjoy it.