I hate myself ..

[Mybabysmylife1]

Hi everyone. I feel awful in myself. I've had depression and anxiety for 8 years. 2 children I'm in my early 20'S after I had my second child I never lost my "baby weight" thus being my depression has spiralled down tremendously. I hate myself I think every pretty skinny girl that goes past me or what I watch on tv is something my partner deserves or would like. Because why would he want me? I'm huge I take not attention in my appearance no more. Literally when he met me I was no where near this big I did my hair and makeup everyday now I do nothing barely brush my hair I have no clothes because I buy my kids everything first there my main priority I don't feel good in myself at all. I have been to the gym I have done millions of diet , healthy eating , tablets nothing makes me loose weight apart from a week before lockdown I lost 7lb in the gym in a week. BUT before lockdown my motivation started to go and I couldn't be bothered for the gym at all anymore. It's like my body wants to loose it but the thoughts say " it's ok to be lazy it's fine " and I always get pursueded by my own thought if that makes sence? Wow I sound crazy! I promise I'm not i am totally sane. Only time I'm happy is when me and my kids are going out and when they need my full attention but soon as the go to bed that's it I feel worthless thinking what I could of done better today , thinking is my partner only with me because he's used to me? I wasn't like this when he met me so 2 kids later he's just got comfortable I'm always scared he's going to cheat on me with someone better , he's NEVER give me that impression it's just my brain hates me recently. I don't no what else I'm supposed to do I don't want to tell the doctors anything else because I'm going to sound mad and they will probably section me. I don't want that! I have never tried anything to harm myself or anyone else. I just feel worthless😢

Sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time.

I don’t have much advice about weight loss, but I’m certain other posters will. I think healthy weight loss usually takes a while, so if that’s something you want to do, great, but maybe some quicker fixes to help you feel a bit more confident e.g. new hairstyle, setting aside time each day to do make-up so it just becomes part of your routine? (Only if this is something that makes you feel more confident, I can’t be arsed with the stuff unless I’m going to work!)

Regarding the negative thoughts when the kids have gone to bed there are a few options that spring to mind:

• get up and do something as soon as you have that thought. It’s never too late to do something. It doesn’t have to be groundbreaking and amazing, just one tiny productive thing that will make you feel good. Could be a brisk walk round the block, cleaning something up, anything that you consider to be a good use of time.
• go to bed when the kids do sometimes. A good night’s sleep is a big mood improver. Maybe you’ll be awake earlier in the morning and have time to do something then.

@crazychemist thank you so much for your advice. I have started taking up driving lessons when my kids are in bed partner (there dad" watches them and I do a lesson each week and I love it!

Sorry to hear you are so low. I think anything you can do for yourself will be great, especially if it’s a weekly thing you can build into your routine like alone time or exercise on your own.

Other than that not sure what to suggest. I feel similar in that I’m down and it’s been since kids. Seems like it’s fairly common.

Sorry you feel like this. It sounds like you need something to motivate/ kick start you doing something to feel better about yourself. Exercise creates much better moods. Can you join a weekly aerobics club or something? And maybe join slimming world so you have others to socialise with for your goals? (Not that you need to lose weight to be happy)