Breast feeding help

[n3wmum20]

Just became a ftm over a week ago.
Had every intention of breastfeeding from as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

As soon as she was born we did skin to skin and she went straight for the boob as I was told she would.

During my stay in hospital as my milk hadn't came through she was fed starter milk from ready made bottles. Whilst I tried so hard for her to get my colostrum and feed from me.
Unfortunately She was hurting me as there was no supply there for her, she was just aimlessly sucking and sucking :/

I was sent home and told to continue getting my colostrum out by hand expressing / pumps and to feed her with bottles in the meantime until my milk came through.

Now my milks came through she won't suckle on me atall. I try my hardest for her to breastfeed but It ends up in 5 minutes of her constantly screaming and screaming but not wanting me atall.
She'll put my breast in her mouth for literally a second then move her head away.
I feel horrible persisting with this as she's clearly distressed (as am I, seeing her this way)

She will take my breast milk through bottles after it being expressed but just won't suckle from me atall.

I'm physically and emotionally tired of getting up through the night and feeding her with bottles and having to express also to keep my supply up.
HV is due on Wednesday and I think the midwife is due either the same day or a few days later.

As she's getting so distressed I'm still feeding her formula aswell as expressed milk.

I know the fact she's getting the breast milk through the bottles may be enough. But I'd ideally like her to be solely breast fed with no formula atall, for the nutritional value and to build a good bond between us is just a bonus!

Has anyone had similar problems or any advice to help get her breast feeding but without her being so distressed?

Haven't got any advice but I'm a ftm mum to a 10 day year old and bfeeding is hard so feel for you. There are lots of supportive groups on social media that may help.

@LuckyC27
Congratulations!
I guess I'm just at a loss of what to do.
She's being fed but I'd rather one or the other, just seem to be stuck in limbo 😩

I would suggest lots and lots of skin on skin, maybe try and hand express a bit of milk out your breast before you try to feed her to get the milk flowing. I had a slow let down so my first would get annoyed if he was sucking and nothing was coming so I hand expressed a bit first so when he sucked milk was there straight away... does that make sense?

Maybe try and feed more often so baby isn’t soo hungry they are agitated when they start the feed. Or try when they are a bit sleepy.

I feel for you, BFing is so hard for lots of people and the help is so shite at the moment. My sister has just had a baby and the after care has been awful.

@OverTheRainbow88
She's there nuzzling and pushing away at it there is milk there for her but she just doesn't seem to be associating my breast with milk.
I'm going to keep trying as best as I can but I just feel so useless to her at the moment and seeing her so distressed makes me want to just give up and give her bottles to stop her getting so upset :/
The aftercare really hasn't been great for me either. Being told by the midwives to just keep preserving isn't much use.
I'll try more skin to skin though Thankyou!!

Do you have a local baby cafe? Their asvicr has always been amazing for me.

Is it worth considering nipple shields as an interim step to get her back to direct breast feeding?

Have u contacted the National bf helpline op? They are very good

This was almost exactly my experience 18 months ago, and I remember the mental struggle - desperately wanting to breastfeed vs not wanting baby to be hungry and distressed. After my milk came in, my daughter wouldn't latch and would get very upset when I tried to breastfeed. I used nipple shields, and it was a complete game changer. After about 6 weeks I was able to stop using them (and they didn't affect my supply at all, I was full of milk!) My daughter is 18 months old in September and still feeds from me morning and night. You are doing an amazing job, keep telling yourself that

@TakeMeToYourLiar @Stepawayfromtheminirolls
Nipple shields.. I hadn't even thought of! Might sound really silly but where can I get them from? Is there a size guide or are they universal? Definitely going to have a read up and consider these! Thankyou!

@firstimemamma
No I haven't even thought of them to be honest.
I'll give more skin to skin and nipple shields a go in the meantime and then will give them a contact if all else fails! Thanks!

Boots sell nipple shields, I think they vary in size.

Best of luck. And please there’s only so much you can try, don’t feel bad if you stop and switch to the bottle and no breastfeeding.

@OverTheRainbow88 ooh fab Thankyou! ♥️

Hi OP, I was you 8 weeks ago, it’s so tough. I would definitely get support ASAP from a lactation expert, either through your hospital/maternity services, through one of the main breastfeeding organisations (national breastfeeding, la Leche league etc.) or privately through a registered lactation consultant. I’ve been using nipple shields since my son was born as he hasn’t been able to latch, hoping over time he will. They come in different sizes and the different manufacturers do different shapes also. People recommend experimenting a bit to find what works best for you, Medela often v popular. There are downsides to using nipple shields though, so definitely do it alongside someone checking baby’s latch.

When you start a feed, it can help to begin with breast compressions so they get a taste of milk and know to start sucking.

I wouldn’t worry about topping up with formula rather than exclusively breast milk, if your baby is getting some breast milk you’re doing really well.

https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07FB6PY5B/ref=cmswrcpapiizIyoFb33456T9 amazon sell these

Breastfeeding can be wonderful when it works but it doesn't matter how you feed your baby. I could've written this with my first. Breastfeeding was so hard and so painful. No one could tell me where I was going wrong. I persevered and refused to give her formula. I fed for 8 months but looking bad it made me ill. I used to dread her waking up in the early days in case she needed feeding. I'm sure looking back I had some pnd. I wish I'd stopped and given her a bottle earlier. I tried again with baby 2 and 3 but only managed a few days with each and then bottle fed. You can't tell now which was bottle or breast fed!
I'm not knocking breast feeding and by all means try but please don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work xxx

Are you engorged when you try to feed her? My DD used to struggle with latching when tiny if my breasts were swollen (let’s say she’d had a longer than typical snooze), and she’d get frustrated and pull away. She’d also gag if I had a strong let-down, and then start crying. I found a tiny bit of hand expressing (I was just doing this into a flannel, wasn’t collecting it) made my breast a bit softer and the flow a little slower and she coped with that much better. Once she was bigger it wasn’t a problem any more.

Other tips - offer earlier if possible. A hungry baby is an impatient baby, and bottles give instant gratification so she may not want to wait for let down (again, a bit of hand expressing can help so the milk is already there). Or when you think she’s not hungry at all, do some skin to skin - lie back with her body lying on your tummy and her face near your breast, but don’t actually try to get her on. Sing/talk to her. After a while, the smell of milk might make her fancy a feed, so you can offer and see if she take some. You can also try sneakily latching her on in her sleep... lots of babies will suckle by reflex, so if you have her asleep in your arms, see if you can pop her on, she might surprise you.

I’d it doesn’t work out, please don’t beat yourself up about it and exhaust yourself pumping for every feed. Any amount of breast milk will have the antibodies etc in it, so combination feed if that works for you. Or switch over to formula completely - she’s had the colostrum, and while it would be great for you to continue, the most important thing is that you are both contented and able to cope.

It sounds like you had some bad advice in the hospital. It's perfectly normal for milk to take a few days to come through and newborns only need a tiny bit of colostrum. She has probably become used to the instant gratification of the bottle - bf is harder work for them. I second trying nipple shields and hand expressing to trigger your letdown before you put her on. A good latch will help her get a good flow of milk - there are some great videos online. If you do really want to bf (and no judgment from me if you don't!) then you need to give her every encouragement and incentive to feed from you and reduce bottle time as fast as you are able. Good luck!

@lifesnotaspectatorsport this is exactly what I thought! I'm not sure who advised formula in the first couple of days because the milk wasn't in - surely no one's milk is in at that stage.

@n3wmum20 lots of good advice already. I'd just echo the posters saying be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up. I know how hard that is in the early days/weeks, but really, it is not worth ruining your newborn experience for. I had a terrible time with breastfeeding but persevered because I was so desperate not to "fail". Looking back, I wish I had just relaxed a bit more - probably would have made DS a bit more relaxed as well!

Thankyou all so much for your help & advice!!
I think there's so much pressure for you to breastfeed you feel like a failure if you're unable to for whatever reason.

She's only 9 days old so I'll see how we get on with the advice you've all given! ♥️
Fingers crossed I'll have some good luck! 🤞🏼

The hospital staff never should have suggested a bottle. You need an SNS. A little tube taped to your breast will deliver expressed milk in addition to what baby is getting directly. That way baby doesn’t get as frustrated because things are slow, especially since baby needs to suckle a bit to encourage milk flow to begin. You may also need a nipple shield to aid the transition so I would grab one of those when you get the sns since they are cheap.

loads of good advice on this thread! One more thing, this was mentioned at an online La Leche League meeting I attended recently - you could try offering the breast at the end of each bottle feed. If your baby isn't really hungry, she may be more likely to latch on without getting stressed, just to enjoy suckling & cuddles. This then gives her the opportunity to gradually get used to breastfeeding in a relaxed way and she may start to associate breastfeeding with the nice sated end-of-feed feeling!

Lots of bf groups are doing zoom meetings since lockdown, if you have a local La Leche League group they probably will have weekly or fortnightly zoom meetings. My local group has a special meeting weekly for new mums with babies up to 8 weeks old, it saved my sanity when mine was tiny & I was really struggling with breastfeeding. Good luck!

There's lots of really excellent advice on this thread, and exactly why MN can be so wonderful sometimes.

My heart goes out to you, breastfeeding isn't easy and without the local feeding support groups that were around a year ago when I had DS, I think I'd have struggled with it even more so than I did.

My advice would be to email your local HV and find out if they are doing virtual feeding support groups. If not, they may be able to point you in the direction of somewhere that may be able to offer support either in person or virtually. Don't give up, and don't give yourself a hard time - baby will get there eventually, and you're doing all the right things.