When to try for second baby? So torn!

[MummytoP18]

I’m totally torn right now with when to start ttc a second baby. My little girl is 2 years 4 months and I’ve been feeling very broody and have the urge to give her a sibling. I just cannot decide when is the right time, I feel like this is a harder decision than going in for the first baby.
Do we go for it now and have a 3 year gap and still have them relatively close or do I try and hold out until she will be school age to make my life a little easier with having her at school so more time in the week with just one child and less childcare issues when I go back to work? What are your experiences?

Following as I could have written this! I don't know either. Covid complicates things. And in my case age is becoming a factor.

Everyone's circumstances are different. You need to do what you feel will work best for you. We decided on a gap of 2.5ish years, because a) I find being pregnant very hard work and wanted to get number two done ASAP before I chickened out, and b) I'm on the older side and may not have much time left (not to mention energy!). The downside is that we'll have two lots of nursery fees for a while, but we decided it was worth it.

Yes we went for a small age gap (21 months difference) as we know that while it will be awful in the short term, we felt it would be the best option in the long term. Now I have a 22 month old and a 1 month old and am kicking myself 😂 just kidding. It's hard work and thank goodness my oldest is in nursery but I can see already how wonderful this small age gap will be. Plus I'm 33 years old so didn't want to wait... Plus my own brother is only 17 months younger than me and we are so close still and have fab childish memories together! Pros and cons of either decision.

I'm in a very similar position and we're going to wait until DD starts school/plan the pregnancy (if possible) to tie in with that, so to have the baby after September 2022.
I don't think I personally would cope with a baby and a toddler and I think maternity leave with two would be dreadful, I want to be able to enjoy time with the baby while DD is at school. That's my selfish take on things

I'm in the get them out the way camp, have them close together, get through the hell of nappies and potty training and then you can get rid of all the baby stuff

I have tried both- two close then a gap before the third. Definitely easier close together. It’s hard at the time but going back to toddler stuff when you have a school age kid isn’t easy.

Don't assume that you will conceive as soon as you start trying (even if it happened quickly and easily for your first) and that you will have a straightforward pregnancy, no miscarriage etc.

If you're sure you want a second child my advice is to start trying now.

The good thing about the age of your DD is that she will be 3+ when DC2 is born, which means you will get some funded childcare hours for her (15h if not working and 30h if on maternity leave).

Disclaimer: I'm due to give birth to DC2 within the next month, and there will be a 3.5 year age gap, so I am biased on this (but don't yet have the experience to confirm that I am right to think it's an ideal gap )

A factor for me was wanting to get pregnancy and the early years over with, as I find it all very hard work! (I am stopping at 2.)

I'd start trying now and have a 3 year ish gap if all goes to plan. You will get 30 hours funding, assuming you qualify. That will give you a pretty good amount of time with the baby. Your eldest will be a bit more independent but they will still be fairly close in age.

Childcare is much more complicated at school age than nursery, so not sure you would get much benefit from that. It is probably easier to return with them both in nursery/childcare. Although it can be helpful to be on maternity leave when your eldest starts school, so it is easier to do the settling in and you don't need holiday childcare to start with.

It’s a very individual thing for your family. We have just had DC2 2 weeks ago and DC1 is 4 next week. To be honest I don’t think I could have handled a smaller gap but from a practical point couldn’t afford 2 lots of nursery fees and school means one on one time with baby. I also really love my job and being back at work for a few years between 2 mat leaves has also allowed me to continue to develop and put us in a stronger position as a family. DC1 being that little bit older I felt could get involved with pregnancy/preparing for baby etc and has taken to being ‘the biggest’ like a little dream, they are also old enough to entertain themself for periods and are quite helpful! On the flip side my sister has 3 under 4 as she wanted the baby bit done all at once and that has worked well for them.

I think that is already a decent sized gap. I have one friend who waited until her oldest was at school but everyone else I know have a gap less than 3 years. I have 21 months and love it although I did have some trepidation at trying to conceive. Worst bit was I was on crutches shortly after my youngest was born and having a baby and toddler you are not supposed to pick up or carry was a nightmare.

Thanks for the advice! I think we might go for it and start trying next month. I definitely did not expect ttc second baby to be a harder decision than the first time!

I’ve got a one month old and twins who are 3 years and 3 months. My twins are due to start preschool next month and currently don’t attend a nursery meaning I’m with all 3 24/7. I won’t lie it’s really hard work, my house is a tip and I’m exhausted as my baby basically cries all the tine he’s awake! However, it is lovely seeing them all together and I can see light at the end of the (sleep deprived) tunnel! My advice would be to go for it! Good luck!!

I was in the 'have them close and get it done' camp, so we started trying when DC1 was 7 months, thinking it would take a long time as it had taken almost a year to conceive DC1. Nope. Pregnant first month of trying, 16 month gap. It was a tough couple of years, but worth it. Deciding on when to go for DC3 was harder. Ended up with a 2.5 year gap and, briefly, three under four. It nearly broke me I must admit, but no regrets now.

If you definitely want a second, I'd crack on. 3 year age gap is good.
My gap is 4 years and that was more of a shock but there were also many pros. But the year they were six and two was hard. Sensible, calm one vs screaming raging toddler!