breast feeding and sleeping

[Lexieloucherry]

I recently was told that I shouldn't be breastfeeding my baby as method of getting them to sleep. I was unaware of this and have been in my own little bubble trying to look after my 8 month old and coping with all the fallout from the pandemic. Have I got myself and my little one into a bad habit? Do I need to change it? I am combi feeding him as I don't produce enough milk.

I've been looking at controlled crying . Is this the best solution?

Feeding to sleep is great IMO, it's ABSOLUTELY not a bad habit. It's the biological norm and as long as it works for you do it and ignore silly people and their unsolicited advice. I'm still nursing to sleep a nearly two year old who also sleeps just fine at nursery so your little one will be absolutely fine!

Do YOU want to stop breastfeeding to sleep?

If you do, that's fine and it's ok to want to stop. If you don't then it's also fine to carry on.

Was it a health visitor who told you this or your MIL

Breastfeeding to sleep is the easiest and most relaxing way to get your baby to sleep imo and you should do it for as long as it works for you. It is the biological norm so can't possibly be wrong (is there a wrong way to help a baby fall asleep?) there is a reason it makes you both feel sleepy and relaxed, because you are meant to feed to sleep

Breastfed both my boys to sleep when little, they’re 5 and 8 now and can get themselves off to sleep (have been able to for a while ).
You do you OP - if it’s working for you then you crack on and never mind what other people are doing.

Thanks. That makes me feel better. I had started to doubt myself, that I was doing the right thing!

I breastfed to sleep until approx 12-14 months old. Then very slowly started introducing a story after the latest breastfeed. Was no issue whatsoever. Baby slept through and could self settle from about 16 months and I was very happy to feed to sleep and continue to offer one feed per night.
Do what feels right for you and feeding to sleep is the most natural thing in the world!!

@ParadiseLaundry it was my mum and a health visitor that had said it to me. I found the advice a bit conflicting as it is natural. Why do they say it though?

I breast fed my daughter to sleep for ages. Stopped for daytime naps around 9-10 months as I needed her to take a bottle before I went back to work. But we carried on feeding to sleep at night. Now at 19 months, she still breastfeeds before bed at night but it doesn’t seem to send her off to sleep any longer.

They say it because they believe in the 'rod for your own back' horseshit.

DS2 fed to sleep until he turned 4, it was SO great to be able to get him to drift off at a set time, and he's a fab sleeper now (as is DS1 who I also co-slept with).

@fiadhflower how do you stop for day time naps? Do they just adapt?

I started to use the pram for daytime naps. If my toddler is with other people she will go to sleep with a cuddle and can be laid down.

[quote Lexieloucherry]@ParadiseLaundry it was my mum and a health visitor that had said it to me. I found the advice a bit conflicting as it is natural. Why do they say it though?[/quote]
They say it because feeding to sleep means that you're not letting your child learn how to fall asleep by themselves, and they're completely dependent on you and only you at bedtime. You can't go out for dinner etc, and you have to be there for every single nap... it can make the transition to nursery more distressing as they're unable to sleep without you, and the older they get generally the harder it is to get them to stop and learn to sleep by themselves. It also means they're unlikely to sleep through, because when they wake up in the night as we all do, they can't get back to sleep without the boob. So no one is getting good sleep!

All that said, it's only a problem if it's a problem for you. I personally found that all the above were true of my first DC, i fed to sleep for 18m and then when i was too exhausted to keep going we had a real battle. So for DC 2 and 3 i stopped feeding to sleep at about 5ish months, and taught them how to self settle with lots of shhhing and patting and cuddles. Very little crying. They're both champion sleepers now. DC1 not so much

Yes its natural but it means your child is 100% dependent on you for naps and every bedtime. It restricts what you can do in the day, and means no evenings out. I'm presuming it basically means you are with the baby 24/7.

I personally couldn't have done that so i got my LO used to falling asleep by herself when she was very little, other people fed her bottles and me and my partner wrnt out on date nights with family babysitting and putting her to sleep.

They say it because they are poorly trained in what is normal infant behaviour after several generations of the majority of women formula feeding. I expect your mum was told this too.

Lazypuppy for my children it was not so all true they they were dependent on feeding to sleep, they would happily and easily fall asleep in pram or sling and when DS1 was about 18mo with DH lying with him, although that would take longer. Feeding to sleep is just my preferred method because I can relax and look at MN, like now or sleep myself.

Don’t be forced into a change you don’t want or need at the moment. If it’s workiny for you ( like it has for a lot of others) keep going, you can always make a change when it stops working for you. It will likely be easier then too as your child will be ready for it. I stopped feeding to sleep with zero tears at around 2 years. Just told her we weren’t going to do that, milk was tired and she understood and was fine. Occasionally I do still feed to sleep if they are feeling unwell or seem to ‘need’ it.

And it's a pain in the arse when it stops working and you have to do other things instead.

OP, it's a particularly Western viewpoint that something that is biologically normal is 'wrong'. And not true that you have to be with them for every sleep. If you happen to be out another person can usually settle them just fine

And you never ever ever ever have to do controlled crying if you don't want to

The reason people have advised you against this, is because eventually your child will need to learn to fall asleep on their own. If you feed your child to sleep, they don't ever learn how to fall asleep without you, meaning anytime they wake, day or night, you have to be there to either get them back to sleep.

I fed DS to sleep for many months, until it got to the point where I could no longer cope with the lack of sleep. Every night waking required my input, and it was actually encouraging the night waking as often be wasn't actually hungry, he was just using me (or the bottle) as a soothing technique to fall asleep.

Sleep training DOES NOT mean "controlled crying". Why not have a look at Lucy Wolfe's gentle sleep training method? Within 2 days my son was sleeping through the night and fell asleep for naps during the day without me. It gave me so much freedom and completely and utterly changed our lives.

@Harrysmummy246 This is true, I'm originally from a country where sleep training isn't a thing (although western influences are creeping in now so some people have started doing it).
But normally babies sleep in a cot beside the mum until 1-2 years old and it's expected that baby will wake in the night and will have to be soothed/fed. I find it baffling that British and American people expect babies to "self soothe" and that they're put in a separate nursery room. Then again maternity leave in my country is 2 years, I suppose if you have to go back after 9 months you do what you have to do to get enough sleep.

Fed both of mine to sleep until they were about 18 months; naturally stopped in the day when they stopped napping. Was never a problem, once I stopped breastfeeding they had a cup of milk at bedtime, a story and a song and went off to sleep well. Do what feels right for you and enjoy the time with your little one!

For what it's worth I fed mine to sleep for well over a year and it was something she just grew out of in her own time. She even slept through for the first time after being fed to sleep. For whatever reason by 20 months breastfeeding to sleep wouldn't always work and she started self settling by herself.

[quote Lexieloucherry]@fiadhflower how do you stop for day time naps? Do they just adapt?[/quote]
I started a new routine where if we were at home we would read a book, sing some songs and she had a bottle. We read the same few books each day (including a nursery rhyme book). Over time, we stopped the bottle but kept up the books (although they now vary). Even today for her lunchtime nap, we read a book, sang a couple of songs and she was asleep in just a few minutes. She also falls asleep in nursery just fine - I asked the other day if she’d slept okay in the heat and they told me she was one of the first to fall asleep.
(She also used to nap in her buggy and for other people. Feeding to sleep doesn’t always mean you always have to do bedtime).

Increasingly at night over the past month she falls asleep on her own, without too much input from either me or my husband. I thought I was still feeding to sleep but she had other ideas. It is early days but if it continues, then I’ll be pretty happy we’ve taken a pretty gentle approach and tried to work with what she needed.

Anyway, my advice is to just do what you are comfortable with and ignore the noise.

Following with interest as i also have an 8 month old who I mostly feed to sleep. He will fall asleep in the car or buggy and dh can usually rock him to sleep too. I am currently working on getting him to rely less on the boob, but we're doing it gradually. I'm currently feeding him and putting him down very sleepy and seeing if he can fall asleep by himself. Sometimes he does it! Other times I cuddle him to sleep. And other times we feed to sleep still. I'm sure we'll get there 😀

@CrispsAddict what country are you from? It's sounds lovely to have two years off to look after your child

Do what works for YOU. Are you happy feeding to sleep, or not? I fed my DD to sleep until she was 2. It worked for me. When I wanted to change it, I did. We didn’t ever do any sleep training or have any tears, because I didn’t fancy it. If it isn’t working for you, then there are plenty of things you could try.

Feeding to sleep does NOT mean your child with always be dependent on you. Firstly, they do grow out of it, or can be gently encouraged when you want to. But damn, is it effective when they are tiny! Secondly, even babies can learn that different situations mean different actions. My DD was perfectly happy to nap in the pram for my mum when I went back to work, or on my DHs chest (his preferred method! He loved a good long cuddle and an excuse to watch telly) of a weekend. When she started nursery, her keyworker held her for her nap on the first day, but on the second she just lay down on a mat like all the other toddlers and went straight to sleep. My MIL sang her to sleep at bedtime once. Just because they do things one way for you, it does NOT mean that you will be the only person that can ever settle them, just that you have the ultimate weapon in your arsenal - I could feed my DD to sleep ANYWHERE (in the middle of a field during a cricket tournament, on a sofa at a loud wedding reception, at someone else’s house while I chatted to a friend, at a cafe, at church.....). Because it is a strong sleep association, you don’t need any others, so providing you are comfortable feeding in public, you aren’t constrained to being at home with their cot in a darkened, quiet room.

Feeding them to sleep does not form permanent associations that are impossible to shift, and it does NOT mean your child will never learn to self settle. My DD is 3 now (so much older than yours), and I kiss her goodnight wide awake, switch on her nightlight and walk out of her room. She’s generally dead to the world within 10 mins, and when she’s not, she chats to her dolls until she’s ready for sleep. She only wakes up if she has a nightmare, otherwise she’s out cold till at least 7am.

If you’re happy, stick with it and don’t worry that it’s going to become a problem. You can change it whenever you want to, and it’s easier when they are older and can understand better. As soon as you feel it’s not working for you, make a change.

P.s. currently pregnant with twins and planning on feeding them to sleep if the logistics works!

I knew feeding to sleep was a problem for us when I had a 9 month old who still couldn't self settle at any time - so any time she so much as stirred at night she needed picking up and cuddling as a minimum to get her back to sleep. Once I made my mind up and prioritised dealing with it, a process of gradual retreat worked surprisingly quickly and I was soon sleeping much better at night ... Still fed her at bedtime through to about 14 months IIRC.

So, if it is working for you there is nothing wrong with it at all. If it stops working then know you can solve it quite gently when the time is right.