Getting baby used to other caregivers

[Goostacean]

Hi all, I’ll be going back to work in early November and baby (now 8mo, will be just shy of 11mo when I go back) will be spending mornings in nursery, afternoons with a nanny and once a week with grandparents.

The issue is with the grandparents. We’ve been to stay with in-laws so he’s okay with them, but with my parents (and other people generally) he gets hysterical almost instantaneously. For example, he started crying big fat tears when my friend’s 3yo looked at him in the park last week... and we were socially distancing so it’s not like she was even close to him!

I’m quite concerned about how this transition will go. He’s fine with his sibling and DH, and I realise we’re in the thick of separation anxiety, but I am interested in any experience or advice on this one please...? How did you successfully get your anxious baby used to others, such that you could leave them for a day or more?

That's a lot of different (and new) caregivers all at the same time. So the first question is - is this arrangement done by necessity or choose? Could you take a while longer to get to this arrangement?

My suggestion would be one extra caregiver at a time. So start off with paying the nanny fill time, just for a month or two.

Give baby a month to get used to the nanny and then work with the nanny to introduce part time nursery, with nanny the rest of the childcare. Give that another month or two.

During that 2-4 months, spend more time with grandparents with them doing bits of the caregiving but with you there. At weekends or similar. Then once settled with nanny and nursery, start with grandparents.

Oh hi Fate, you commented on my sleep-related thread recently for this same munchkin (we were on holiday and I was more than a little frustrated/exhausted!). He feels more high-maintenance than my eldest, but I’m probably mis-remembering..!

The arrangement is sort of a mix of necessity and choice. We have a toddler who is doing a lot better with only half days at nursery, and I’ve been doing afternoons. Once I’m back at work, we’d like a nanny as it’s a lot to ask of grandparents. Grandparents on both sides are very keen to be as involved as possible though, so it’s a bit of a balancing act. We see both sets of grandparents regularly and on weekends, and our toddler is totally fine with them- it’s just the baby who is very sensitive.

Tbh I’d been planning a 2-3 week settling in period for both nanny and nursery simultaneously, so 2-4 MONTHS is a whole different ballgame!

I appreciate it's more necessity and less choice. That's the case with many people, I just thought I'd ask first.

Your nanny and the nursery should have lots of experience dealing with initial separation. So you can expect professional help there.

With your parents, try having a few times where they look after baby while you're elsewhere in the house. Say, you do 2h of gardening for example.