Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Thoughts on giving up the dummey

24 replies

Lelophants · 15/08/2020 14:20

If you've never used a dummy then that's fine but you probably can't help with this thread as rightly or wrongly, we already use one (an orthodontic one).

When my baby was tiny we used it for general comfort such as if we were in the car going to appointments and it wasn't easy to whip my breast out. I decided I could sterilise a dummy more than my finger, which he would always end up sucking on. I also found it helped him sleep in his own bed next to me (I used to be terrified of bedsharing). I would also breastfeed him to sleep, then give him the dummy and put him in the next-to-me cot and hold his hand.

As he's grown older we are worried about being too 'lazy' with it as it creates such easy comfort! We've stopped using it for anything other than sleep. He still very much needs it for sleep though. I get that it's become a proper habit.

He's now 9 months and I still breastfeed and am much more comfortable with (safely) bedsharing, but he does seem to need to suck on the dummy to get to sleep. A boob won't do as he only wants that for actual milk! I've read that you should really start weaning them off it by aged 1. Any tips? He's clearly too young to have it explained to him.

I get that this will be difficult and that's why so many people think you shouldn't start with them in the first place, but it genuinely seemed to help him when he was younger and meant I kept breastfeeding and didnt go mad at the time

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
TwilightPeace · 15/08/2020 14:28

I don’t understand your reason for taking it away?
He only uses it for sleep, it comforts him and it works? I don’t understand the ‘lazy’ comment. Life doesn’t always have to be hard you know.

Lelophants · 15/08/2020 14:38

@TwilightPeace the NHS recommends losing the dummy at this stage due to his teeth and speech development. I also don't want him to grow more attached and cause him more distress by taking it away later.

What would you suggest? I think it would be wrong of me to let him have it for years and years.

OP posts:
itbemay1 · 15/08/2020 14:39

My two gave theirs up age 3 to Santa for the baby reindeers! They loved them for naps and bedtime and it did them no harm.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Lelophants · 15/08/2020 14:39

NHS guidelines

Thoughts on giving up the dummey
OP posts:
Lelophants · 15/08/2020 14:40

@itbemay1 did they speak OK? I'm worried about that.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 15/08/2020 14:40

Mine had them (for far too long probably) but they grew out of them. I don’t get the angst at 9 months though.

Mydarlingsleepthief · 15/08/2020 14:41

Mine had mine till nearly 5 Blush. Teeth fine and speak well though!

LittleBearPad · 15/08/2020 14:41

And if he only uses it for sleeping it’s not going to impact talking. The bigger worry is children who have them in constantly.

Mommabear20 · 15/08/2020 14:44

Hanging round for ideas 😂

Fruityb · 15/08/2020 14:44

My son gave his up about three months ago. We swapped it for a batmobile toy. Never an issue. He was 3 and a half and used it at bedtime. No speech issues and his teeth are fine.

YoBeaches · 15/08/2020 14:45

Op the guidelines reference persistent use, a child won't learn to talk easily if they have a dummy in their mouth all the time and we know it can impact jaw development/bite - again persistent use.

Using a dummy for sleep up 12 months is known to reduce SIDS.

Using for sleep is fine. If you want to remove it otherwise cold turkey is the only way at that age. He'll be fine after a few nights.

FATEdestiny · 15/08/2020 14:49

The NHS, by the nature of what it is, has to give one-size-fits all advice. Real life isn't like that and has a sliding scale of individuals.

So the NHS advise needs to suit the families who stick a dummy in their child's mouth for 24 hours a day (very literally, at all times aside from when eating maybe) for 6 or so years. Clearly that will significantly stunt a child's speech and development.

The above child is very different to a child who has a dummy for the 10 mins it takes to drop to sleep, at 9 months old, and no other times. Your child's speech and teeth will not be affected by 30 minutes or so total use, whilst unconscious and asleep, over 24h.

But the NHS cannot distinguish between the two in their advice. They cannot say "You can use your dummy, but you cant". They have to have one set of guidelines. So they go with the lowest common denominator.

In short - the advice to not use a dummy really isn't for you.

Assuming you only use for sleep time and that it's baby's source of comfort - that comfort source has value. To balance the positive value of comfort against the negatives from such short use - it's logical, reasonable and rational to fall in the side of keeping the dummy. Look yo get rid around pre-school age, when your child will have developed emotional regulation.

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 15/08/2020 14:49

Imo no NHS worker comes to your home and offers to get your baby to sleep...
Dummies are recommended for SIDS reasoning...
Contradiction or what?
10 of my dc had a dummy. None have had any issues with speech or teeth..
Incidentally the 1 ds who didn't have a dummy saw a speech therapist at 3-4 years old!!
Please do not take your baby's comfort /sleep aid away!!

pleasecaffeinateme · 15/08/2020 14:51

My DS is nearly 2 and he's had a dummy since birth. He needs it for sleep and sometimes comfort depending on how upset/tired he is. A friend of mine who has studied child development told me not to try weaning him off until he's at least 2 because he won't understand and it's cruel to go cold turkey without being able to explain it. I'm gonna try at Christmas time but if it's too much for him, I'm not gonna push it.

itbemay1 · 15/08/2020 14:53

@Lelophants absolutely fine and teeth fine too

mrsed1987 · 15/08/2020 15:00

My lo is 19 months. Had a dummy since 3 days old, he only had it for naps and bed time now, but he started speaking at 10 months, has about 50 words now that are mostly clear and his teeth are fine so far. I will get rid of it, but I don't think there should be pressure to get rid of it by 12 months

SunbathingDragon · 15/08/2020 15:07

You don’t need to justify your use of giving the dummy.

DD1 had one until just after she turned one. Her speech was on the slower side of normal until she turned two and then she sped away. DD2 had one until she was three and her speech was exceptional, even before she turned one she could say half dozen word sentences. DS1 never had a dummy (and didn’t suck his thumb either) and at one had normal speech.

I just took it away with DD1 and DD2 and went cold turkey. DD1 didn’t really seem to notice it went and whilst DD2 asked a few times for a week, it was fine. Both also have perfect teeth.

From what you describe, I wouldn’t rush to take it away. Lots of teeth working their way down and sleep regressions for come.

Ihaveoflate · 15/08/2020 15:12

My 13 month old has a dummy for sleep only and will continue to do so for a good while yet. She is is a fantastic sleeper and use of the dummy has been central to this.

I really do not understand the amount of anxiety they seem to cause if you used for sleep only (not a dig at OP personally, just an observation based on the many threads dummy use seems to generate!).

SueEllenMishke · 15/08/2020 16:14

Mine gave his to the dummy fairy when he was 3. No issues with teeth or speech.
Why make life harder if you don't need to?

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/08/2020 16:27

If hes only using it for sleep then surely it wont effect speech. Whos talking when they're sleeping? Dummies only effect teeth development and speech if babies have them all the time, 24/7.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/08/2020 16:38

I also dont understand the anxiety surrounding dummies. I dont know if its a cultural thing, or snobbish, or a classist thing or something else. Does it come from this generations parents? I know my mum was appalled when she found out id given my son a dummy, but she couldnt really give any good reason. Id love to understand.

Lelophants · 15/08/2020 17:33

Really interesting thanks @FATEdestiny

If not now though, when? I basically don't want to do it at a time that causes him more stress 🙈

It probably is a class thing too! I actually think they look cute 😳 but none of my nct friends use them anymore and I was starting to worry I was doing him a disservice.

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 15/08/2020 17:46

If not now though, when?

There is some science (used by Sarah Ockwell-smith to sell her books*) that says children need comfort in order to go to school until pre-school age - so aged 3-5 years old.

After then, the brain develops in a way that better allows for emotional regulation. Before then, children need comfort at bedtime as a basic human need. After then, they don't need comfort so can just lie down > close eyes > relax > sleep (as an adult goes to sleep). So at that point all comfort mechanisms can be dropped.

For that reason, my suggestion would be to aim to drop dummy somewhere around aged 3-5y.

  • I don't agree with Sarah O-S or her philosophy, but the science is fine.
FATEdestiny · 15/08/2020 17:47

Correction: ...children need comfort in order to go to sleep until pre-school age - so aged 3-5 years old.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread