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Reward chart for 6 and 8 year old

10 replies

Hannah2199 · 15/08/2020 14:16

Please could you give me some advice. I'm thinking of starting a reward chart for my 6 and 8 year old. I'd like to include things like reading and completing homework and keeping bedroom tidy. Also my 8 year old is often very unkind to his sister so I'm not sure how to add in 'being nice/kind'??

We haven't had rewards before because I felt the kids should want to work hard and not just if money or gifts were on offer. Clearly this has failed as they have done very little work during home schooling :(

The main reason I want to introduce this now is to improve behaviour. At the moment if they dont listen they get a warning/told off but there are not really any rewards or punishments during lockdown. If I say we cant go to the park as DS has not listened to instructions it means both kids having to stay home all day which is not good for anyone. A reward is pretty basic - yay, we can go on another walk :( is not interesting to anyone anymore!

Interested to hear your suggestions please

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sleepismysuperpower1 · 15/08/2020 18:28

try this one here
www.101printable.com/reward-chart-template-for-kids/reward-chart-template-weekly-2/

twotabbies · 15/08/2020 18:41

We have the 'Class Dojo' app at school and you can top it up to use it home - they earn points which can be 'cashed in' for rewards of your choice. I've found it great, though it's not cheap!

twotabbies · 15/08/2020 18:43

I should add, you can add both positive or negative 'rewards' of your choice, so could add 'being kind' to win a point and 'being unkind / thoughtless behaviour' as a 'needs work' or deduction

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Edel2019 · 15/08/2020 19:22

Awesome tips here! Love the printable ones. I've downloaded the app to explore

Hannah2199 · 15/08/2020 21:13

Thanks. Fab reward chart ideas.

I'm not sure how to set the rules though? For example "speak kindly to your sister" is a bit vague. What I don't want is him to say "I told my sister shes lovely - can I have a pound" Confused

Shoukd I include "good behaviour" as a goal? Or should I set just homework ones and hope that good behaviour will follow? Thanks

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icklekid · 15/08/2020 21:17

Firstly yes go for reward chart. Rather than the vague be kind can you just look out for every time they are and catch them being good. The more you praise the more they will do it. With 2 they should catch on quickly eg. What lovely manners you used have an extra star, you cleared the plates at the end of the meal thank you that’s really helpful, you shared your toy without being asked and that’s so kind. Focus less on the negative and you will find they rise to meet your expectations

Hannah2199 · 15/08/2020 21:49

Thank you.

How did you go about praising more? I used to praise quite a lot but found that DD started saying things to DS like "oooh well done, that's so helpful etc..." and it sounded really patronising if that makes sense?

How much do you give your 6-8 year olds? I was thinking £1 or £2 a week? But OH was thinking it could be a magazine or treat rather than money so that's about £5? But £5 a week = £260 a year for each child - seems excessive?! Shock

Sorry of these questions seem daft but I want to get it right and consistent before we introduce something new.

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BertieBotts · 15/08/2020 22:13

Speak kindly should have a time limit on it - so either per day or if that's too hard, break up the day into morning/afternoon/evening. Then it's quantifiable.

I would use "Speak respectfully" rather than speak kindly. You don't need him to always be kind but you do need him to always be respectful. Kind isn't always the right response either.

Does the unkindness always involve words or is it also physical, winding up etc?

But anyway by wording it as being respectful it's clearer what you want. It also helps to sit down and think about what him being respectful would look like - if you have to start with examples of what not to do, start there (you do this privately) and turn it around and write down how you would like him to handle that situation. E.g. DS is annoyed with DD for coming into his room. Wrong: Shove her out, shout at her to get lost. Right: Ask her politely to leave/place a note on his door to explain he doesn't want to be disturbed. E.g. DS is bored. Wrong: DS winds DD up for a bit of sport/fun/entertainment. Right: DS asks DD if she would like to play a game / asks mum/dad if they can do something with him / takes an idea from the ideas basket.

You need to know what the "right" answers look like because then you'll notice if and when they happen and you can either give a sticker on the spot, or just say "Well done DS, that was a really good idea to write that note for your door". Conversely, if you see something non-respectful starting to happen, you can give a short warning in the form of "That doesn't sound very respectful". You're not wading in and telling him off so he doesn't get immediately defensive, but it gives him a chance to remember the goals he agreed to and change direction. If he does then backtrack and manages to be respectful on that occasion it wouldn't represent a loss of the point for that time slot. OTOH if you are too late and already walk in on him being nasty then you can separate them but also say "That wasn't very respectful, was it?" It takes the fight out of the moment, because the penalty (losing the point) comes later, but it still enables you to give that reminder. Obviously you still need to physically stop the behaviour by separating them or whatever is appropriate, but try to curb the urge to tell him off about it at the time.

Be careful of overloading the system by having too many things on it. If they get a reward for every little thing then they don't have to try very hard on the things they find especially difficult. I would come up with maybe 5 points to work on. If they have different points to work on each, max 3 for each child. Otherwise you'll never keep track of it and it will get dropped very quickly.

I think I would do it as points or something which they can spend on the reward of their choice. The reward shop opens periodically, and they can buy whatever they like. If you want, enable them to pool their money to get something better! Then you can have things like a magazine, sweets, small toy (e.g. single Matchbox car out of a multipack, accessory for collectible doll etc) but you can also have stuff which is free for you or which you'd probably spend money on anyway, like "Choose what we eat for dinner" or "Family movie night" or "Swimming trip". This is called a token economy and is a good tool because it's not only motivating for behaviour, it's also helpful practice in skills like saving, sharing etc. You need to work out what is the max number of points they could possibly get in a week in terms of "pricing" the prizes, but bear in mind that as it's a work in progress they aren't necessarily meant to get every single point every day/week!

For praise I find "Thank you for..." rather than "Well done for..." is much more authentic and doesn't sound wrong for a child to say to another, which is actually good, if they are modelling it!

Don't be afraid to involve the kids in the process a bit - if they are involved in setting the goals they are much more motivated to work towards them.

BertieBotts · 15/08/2020 22:25

But I'd also say, if you're concerned about rewards tanking their intrinsic motivation, it might not be the best route to go for a sudden all-out reward based system!

You might find collaborative problem solving is a better idea. It's explained in several places (sorry it is a bit late for me to go into a full on explanation or I will be here all night) but a good book to start with is How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. You can also google "collaborative problem solving parenting" and it will probably come up with loads of examples. Smart But Scattered is also good. Raising Human Beings as well (Ross Greene is the one who came up with the name CPS I believe, although How To Talk is older!) You would have to tackle one issue at a time, but it's not like you need to wait months between each session, you can have several ideas on the go at one time.

It might be that rewards are one of the solutions which come up during CPS (you could even suggest it!) and I think they can work really well to bridge a gap of motivation/longer term goals, so it might be that it is the right thing here, but they might like to be asked/involved in the solution :) Worth looking at, anyway.

Hannah2199 · 15/08/2020 22:26

Thanks that's really helpful.

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