BRINGING UP BABY "The crucial first two weeks". Whats crucial about them, what will I get wrong I can't sort out later?

[AnguaVonUberwald]

I didn't watch bringing up baby last night, as frankly I watched the first episode and couldn't bear to see it again.

But the blurb for it on sky talked about "The crucial first two weeks". I am a first time mum, I have no idea what I am doing, I will probably do everything wrong in the first two weeks.

Call it the "cruicial" first two weeks makes it sound like mistakes I make then are set for life.

Is anything cruical about the first two weeks (apart from love and food) and if so, WHAT?

Nope. Nothing. Sensationalist rubbish.

erm, nothing, apart from food and love!

skin to skin when breast or bottle feeding, nurturing your baby, resting and getting to know your baby

apart from that, nothing else really matters !

nothing crucial at all.....follow your instincts and you'll do just fine

and try not to fret about that tv programme!

Cucial during thefirst two weeks: ignring well-meant but igorant advice, forgetting housework in order to grab a rest whenever you can, and practicing pelvicfloors. Oh, no, I'm wrong - they're crucial throughout parenthood.

Oh those CRUCIAL first two weeks. Goodness, I hope you don't mess it up, Angua.

Here's what to do:
It is CRUCIAL that you don't watch cr*p like "Bringing up Baby".
It is CRUCIAL that you trust your instincts.
It is CRUCIAL that you don't do anything you are not comfortable doing.
It is CRUCIAL that you enjoy that extra-special time with your newborn.

(And, on a serious note, it really is crucial that you ask for lots of support and talk to your hv or gp if you ever feel a bit low)

IMO, it's fairly crucial (?!) to have a copy of Penelope Leach "Baby and Child" lying around for when you need a bit of reassurance and perspective. ENJOY!

I suppose it's crucial in that you are getting to grips with the feeding (they do need fed in the first two weeks ) and if you are nutty enough to be following Tuby King it'll be time to become as detatched from your child as is possible.

Otherwise IMO feeding and wiping both ends tend to set the priorities in the first two weeks, achieving anything else is a bonus.

what walnutshell said. It is also crucial to talk talk talk if you feel the need to. Feel free to vent your anxieties. Take it easy on yourself. And laugh.

OK, thank you very much all of you, it just really freaked me out.

I have no real confidence anyway that I will know what to do and I just had nightmare images of seting up something that would impact for years.

Really looking forward to just cuddling and trying to sleep inbetween feeding.

hi, I know how you feel because when my ds was born 9 months ago I was really worried about every decision I made incase I was setting up patterns and "making a rod for my own back".

What a waste of worry that turned out to be! Ds wasnt in any kind of routine until 4/5 months
(and then it was only a set bath and bedtime) partly because he had colic and wouldnt settle anyway and yet he's fine now. He's really settled into his own routine IYSWIM despite me doing all kinds of things like rocking him to sleep, taking him into bed with me etc etc.

My advice would be to follow your baby's lead and take no notice of all the scaremongering because IMO its a load of sh**!

Feed, change, cuddle and let them sleep whenever they want.

Cuddle them whenever YOU want.

Thats it.

Routines are for later IMO. I don t believe there are any habits formed in the first six months let alone the first two weeks that can not be adjusted later.

Also a very good point about the support. I guess I am feeling quite isolated in this pregancy as no around me in RL is having babies or has had them in teh last several years - which means I am not really getting to discuss things with people.

At least there is Mumsnet and my ILs are being brilliant (my family not so much)

thanks amathyst8 and theapprentice. Thats really reasurring.

Theapprentice, I know exactly what you mean about fearing you are making a rod for your own back - at the same time as I just want to love him and cuddle him and help him cope with the transition to the world.

Have you met anyone through ante-natal groups? It's pretty useful to have one or two people outside the family that you can turn to. And of course, stay in touch on MN.

"I just want to love him and cuddle him and help him cope with the transition to the world." - And that is EXACTLY what you will do, trust yourself.

Go on then! ITs natural to want to cuddle them I think, and makes everyone feel good!

only thing that you might want to think about is making a distinction between night and day. Be available but boring at night, save the playing for the day.

Walnutshel - re Ante natal groups - i am only four months at the moment, and my local midwifes don't organise them till you are over 24 weeks.

Also we are planning to move adn I am worried that by the time we get to the new house, there will be no places on AN classes there, and I won't meet anyone.

So, there is no need to get them into routine early. At what ages did you get your children into routines?

If you know where you are moving too, try and sort the antenatal now? Didn't realise you were only 4 months, it's pretty standard for the classes to be later in pg as you say.

When my hv (at the)time visited me at home within the few weeks of birth, I said, "well, I expect we'll be in some sort of routine by Christmas" - ie, ds would be around 2 months. Almost 2 years on, I know why she gave me a funny look.

What sort of routine do you want/ expect? For example, ds (still) breastfed and NEVER had 'routine' to it. Also woke up in night until around 1 year old. It depends on your tolerance and lifestyle really.

[moving to, I mean]

Hi there Angua! Depends on you're parenting style. I cuddled and carried him around in a sling for the first 8 weeks and am planning on doing the same with this one. I think it's nonsense that there is a crucial two weeks. Anything that you do that you want to change later can always be undone with a bit of work. I had to do controlled comforting with ds to help him learn how to settle himself and it was quite stressful for me, but worked very well so he had the benefit of lots of cuddles early on, but was still able to settle himself by 3 months. This time around, I'm co-sleeping with ds2 and am pretty certain I will have to do the same with him, but I was worried about him when he arrived 'cos he wasn't feeding very well so would rather do it this way than stick him in a cot by himself and stay awake all night worrying anyway. He seems to sleep better as a result too!

The best piece of advice I read in any of the books (including GF) was that every household/family is different and you should just do what is right for you. One of the girls from my antenatal class put her baby in her cot at 19h from day one; we only started a bedtime routine for ds a month before I returned to work as otherwise dh didn't see him at all after he got home for work. Relax and enjoy it - ignore all well-meant advice would be my well-meant advice!!

Walnutshell - really good point about routine depending on lifestyle. Not sure what I mean really - just somehow worried I will get it "wrong".

Will definitly find out about Ante Natal classes where I am moving to - really want to meet some people there who are going through the same thing.

Hi Mumpbump, how's it all going?

Thanks for the reasurrance about routine, doing what feels right etc - really glad its working out for you!

My DS was in SCBU for the "crucial first two weeks" and we're doing fine 8 months later, so they can't be THAT crucial.