MIL

[polkadotx]

Just need to be told if I'm being unreasonable here really.

My daughter is 4 weeks old. When she was first born we allowed close family to hold her if they washed hands and wore a mask. Everyone got to hold her once and have the generic photo etc.

Anyway, since then we have told family no more cuddles as we just want to keep baby safe. Especially with the new eat out scheme etc everyone is out there that little bit more and it just makes sense. They are welcome to come see baby but no touching.

Anyway, my mother in law has just been away on holiday for a week. And she's messaged me asking me to reconsider my "cuddles" policy as she's so worried my baby won't bond with anyone else and then she will be traumatised when I go back to work in *TEN MONTHS.
*
Ive said no I won't reconsider because you don't have to touch my child to bond with her. She's one month old, she isn't going to decide she hates her nanny because she didn't cuddle her for the first few months of her life. She hasn't had injections yet i just want to do everything I can to ensure her safety. It's strange times we are in. Her health is more important to me than other people's need to touch.

Am I being unreasonable or unfair? Am I going to traumatise my baby?! 😖😟

Your MIL is trying to gaslight you. That the baby will be "traumatised" and won't bond with anyone is absolute bullshit. She's batshit.

Stand your ground and refuse to discuss this further.

Oh course you're not traumatising your baby! We had to be careful when our baby was little as she has health issues and our family lives far away anyway so we didn't have to make too many excuses to say no.

Lockdown happened when she was 5 months old and she saw no one else for 3 months! We've seen a few people now, only my in laws have held her (haven't seen my parents yet) and she didn't react badly at all. We let her see her first before letting them hold her and it was fine! (Btw we only decided to let them because they have been shielding so they were no risk to her and they wanted to hold her)

Your baby isn't a toy in a pass the parcel game, and of course she won't be traumatised. I do think though its important under normal circumstances for them to be used to being handled by other people, but of course these are far from normal times. If your MIL has just come back from holiday she is high risk. Ask her to shield for 2 weeks, then you know cuddles are safe if she is in your bubble.

Oh YANBU at all. Stand your ground.

@Alexandernevermind that's exactly what we did when we did see my parents in June when the you can sit in the garden rules came in. They isolated completely for 2 weeks before they came (I still didn't let them hold her though)

My family weren’t allowed to touch my DD for the first 9 weeks of her life (she was premature and in the neonatal unit).
This has had absolutely ZERO bearing on their bond with her at all.
She just wants you to bend to her will.

I don't think it's unreasonable OP. Some will say it's an over reaction, but a mother's instinct to protect our babies is very strong and it's for good reason.

You do what feels right for you and your kids. MIL will just have to wait.

Thank you everyone.

I'm gonna stick to my guns. It doesn't have I have postpartum anxiety so everything's that little bit scarier for me. And the more she pushes the less I want anyone holding my baby.

It's just really annoying how people can't see why it's not a good idea to hold a tiny little person right now. Why are people so blindsided with what's going on? 😟

She's lucky you are allowing visitors at all.
Don't give in and if she keeps on then tell her you feel uncomfortable with the pressure and are not allowing home visits for the time being.

YANBU at all and I'm doing the same (my DD is 3 weeks). DD is perfectly happy.

@polkadotx

Thank you everyone.

I'm gonna stick to my guns. It doesn't have I have postpartum anxiety so everything's that little bit scarier for me. And the more she pushes the less I want anyone holding my baby.

It's just really annoying how people can't see why it's not a good idea to hold a tiny little person right now. Why are people so blindsided with what's going on? 😟

You're not unreasonable nor is she contextually, if you intend this no touch policy for 9 further months and then leave baby with someone who has never had any 'intimate' contact that will be harder on your child, plus the adult and akin to strangers in nurseries etc which surely goes against the reason for using family?

@SoloMummy I don't intend on it for a set amount of time. I will relax it when I feel it's safe to do so.

We aren't 100% sure what we are doing regarding childcare when I return to work as we don't know how many days im going to return. My partner may be home to look after her whilst I work or we may just need one extra day in which we would pick one person to be in our bubble and look after her if it is still the same way then.

I'm hoping within ten months covid won't be such an issue and everything is starting to improve and then she is welcome to touch her. But she can bond with her without touching her. She currently comes over and plays with my six year old step daughter fine without touching her. 🤷🏼‍♀️