3 year old won't wash helps!!! Please help!

[november90]

My little boy is 3.5 years and has an absolute major meltdown every time it comes to washing his hands. He's now started refusing to go to the toilet because he doesn't want to wash his hands and has just poord himself for the first time ever. I'm absolutely Devastated and deeply concerned. I've bought him special soap, hand gel, a flannel. I'm at my absolute whits end. Has anyone else been through this? I just don't know what to do.

Just to add... he seems to be in a really awkward phase at the minute where he's refusing to do everything. He doesn't like to get "wet" so he refuses to have his face whipped, hands washed.... etc. He won't wear half of his clothes.... I feel like nothings good enough and I'm so stressed with his behaviour! :(

Bless him. It might be worth not having anything covid related around him, no news, no discussions because this maybbe affecting him. google Dr Ranj does a show for on cbeebies amount germs and toilets and washing.

I would try and dodge it for now. Can you wipe his bottom for him and let him not wash his hands. It’s a bit grim but better than him withholding poo. He might start doing it himself if you don’t push it too much.

Is he any better if he puts his hands in a bowl of warm water?

Have you googled ideas for sensory issues around getting wet?

This sounds like a sensory thing, especially combined with disliking some of his clothing.

If it is sensory then what that means is that his hands being wet may feel extremely uncomfortable to him. Imagine having to wash your hands or have your face wiped with absolutely boiling hot or freezing cold water, or how it would feel to have your face wiped or wash your hands in cold oil from a deep fryer - that is the kind of level of disgust he is likely feeling when he has to wash his hands.

Could you focus on the drying part? I absolutely hate it when I can't get my hands dry quickly because it feels awful to me when they are wet. I have skipped washing my hands before where I can see there is only one of those rubbish hand driers that does nothing.

Sensory issues can be standalone although they are often associated with disorders like ASD or ADHD. A good book to read is "Too Fast, Too Bright, Too Loud, Too Tight".

www.understood.org/pages/en/learning-thinking-differences/child-learning-disabilities/sensory-processing-issues/

This is also a good website.

Thanks guys for all your comments! I remember when he was younger he used to have a thing about brushing his teeth, so we took a step back and stopped putting pressure on everyone and now he's fine so I definitely need to do the same thing here!
He's had a lot of trauma with his ears whilst growing up which I think has contributed to some sensory issues. He had 20+ ear infections in his first 2.5 years for us to then learn he had glue ear and had grommets fitted! He was completely neglected by the GP and I really had to fight for it! But that pain and discomfort has definitely effected him so i know I just need to be a bit more patient. But it's so hard so with nursery and all toddler activities closed for so long.... he really did amazingly during the lockdown it's just been these past few weeks he's been a handful!

Could you fill a bowl with soapy water in when you want him to wash & drop a few toys in. He can play/wash his hands at the same time and once he’s playing happily, you could wash over his face with a flannel?

@Dotinthecity that's such a good idea! He loves playing in water with his little figures 😀