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Original poster

I hate myself, what have I done

16 replies

callmeabitch · 03/10/2007 09:06

I am sitting here heartbroken and ashamed. I just hate myself. This morning I told my 12yr DD to p** off, get out of my face and go live somewhere else. I am so disgusted with myself, I cant stop crying. I know I am stressed at the moment but that is just not an excuse. What did she do? Well she just answered me with a bad tone of voice. Like fed up, tired and stroppy. I never spoke out of turn to my parents just once and I cannot accept that DD does this. I pull her up for it frequently and ban tv, computer, etc, etc but still it continues. I simply cannot accept bad manners (thats rich after what I said this morning).

OP posts:
BecauseImWereWolfit · 03/10/2007 09:09

I won't call you a bitch!

I bet there are loads of us on here who have said something similar (or worse ) to their children when provoked.

You need to focus on putting it right. When she's back from school, sit her down and apologise to her straight away. Tell her that you are really sorry for talking to her in that way, but that her behaviour/words/tone of voice had really upset you. So what you said was wrong - but the issues you are tryng to tackle are not.

Then you can have a calm and non-confrontational (but still definite) conversation about what is and isn't acceptable.

Hope this helps!

TrinityRhino · 03/10/2007 09:11

You are not a bitch, you are human

Hope you manage to sort it with her

saltire · 03/10/2007 09:13

You're not a bitch, we all get to that point sometimes - I've been at that point for the past 10 days.
Although you do need to let your dd j=know why you lost it the way you did, and that she needs to speak to you in a more reasonable tone

LadyTophamHatt · 03/10/2007 09:16

I've told Ds1 that I'm going to send him to baording school before now.

Don't worry about it, maybe for you rDD it'll be the turning point.

( it wasn't for my Ds1, he still carries on being a little sod)

claricebeansmum · 03/10/2007 09:22

DD and I are having a "chat" tonight.
This morning was not good.
(is it the weather or something?)

I think that it is really important for children to see that sometimes their parents are pushed too far - that there is a point at which they will lose it. I know one mum who never ever loses her patience with her DD and DD is horrible because she has never been "bitten back".

You are a lovely mum - as I explain to DC when I get very cross with them - the reason I am so cross is because I love them so much that it hurts and I want them to grow up into beautiful people who are a pleasure to know and be around.

theUrbanDryad · 03/10/2007 09:22

i'm sorry you're feeling crappy - believe me, you're not the worst parent in the world. just a thought though - you might want to pick your battles. i know that being spoken to rudely is horrible, but first thing in the morning, with a day of school ahead, i don't think i'd be in a brilliant mood. try to accept that she's going through a tough time at the moment - it is hard being a 12 year old, no, really it is! - and next time she speaks to your rudely, just say something like, "I know it's xxxxam in the morning, and i know you have double maths/PE/English/whatever, but I don't think that's a reason to speak to me like that."

sympathy though - it must be so hard to keep your cool all the time! xx

Original poster
callmeabitch · 03/10/2007 09:25

claricebeansmum, thats a lovely way of explaining it to yr DC. Yes, I guess we all do lose it at times but it hurts so much when the words have been said.

OP posts:
claricebeansmum · 03/10/2007 09:29

But it is really good for children to see how much it can hurt when things are said in anger. She is now feeling how you do when she speaks rudely to you. And that hurts so much when it is someone you love.

Reconcile tonight - talk to her like an adult - sit with a cuppa and apologise to her - like you would like her to apologise to you and explain it through.

Good luck! And she's now probably in double maths gazing out the window at the boys and has completely forgotten about it.

Original poster
callmeabitch · 03/10/2007 09:35

Totally agree with all you say claricebeansmum butI feel at my worst when I sit and think how a child must feel when the person they love and trust implicitly speaks to them like that, do they then feel 'who have I got, who can I turn to to if my own parent treats me this way? It breaks my heart to even contemplate that.

OP posts:
Doodledootoo · 03/10/2007 09:35

Message withdrawn

MaureenMLove · 03/10/2007 09:37

FWIW I threw a glass of water at my dd this morning, she's 12 too. I didn't throw it at her face, just in her general direction, got her tights wet. She was totally out of control and I was so cross with the way she was behaving. Its the age I think. So many hormones flying around in their little heads and I think we forget that that they are still children, even if they like to think they are 16! She is the sweetest, loveliest girl most of the time, but this morning we both just snapped. She only does it when daddys gone to work early too! Luckily we managed to restore normality before she went to school, so its all OK, but she wasn't happy about going and now I'm going to worry about her all day. She, on the other hand, has probably forgotten all about it already!

claricebeansmum · 03/10/2007 09:42

Callme - this morning sounds like a "one off" from you rather than a regular occurence - you are heartbroken and ashamed - so you are not happy with behaviour but his does not mean she will not trust you.

You are the person in her life who she can really rely on - who will not judge - who she can be open with - and she is just experimenting to see how far she can push you. This morning she found out - does not make you any less of a mummy. She knows this is a one off and said in the heat of the moment.

lilibet · 03/10/2007 09:43

Oh I hate stroppy teenagers, I've had two and have got another in training.

I do loose it with mine occasionally (frequently sometimes!) and I think that it is really important to have a bit of breathing space and then apologise.

If either of mine loose their temper I expect them to say sorry so therefore I should behave in exactly the same way.

and that will give you a good opening for a chat, but I agree with Urbandryad - pick your battles carefully.

PregnantGrrrl · 03/10/2007 09:49

my father said far worse to me when i hadn't even done anything. i'm sure you'll clear the air, and you're only human.

Original poster
callmeabitch · 03/10/2007 10:02

MaureenMLove, thats the problem, they are only children but DD is 12 and has the figure and face of a 16yr started her periods at 10yrs and is 5'4"! Time is so precious, I want to savour it not have constant battles. Hope our DDs have a good day despite the early morning grief. x

OP posts:
sKerryMum · 03/10/2007 10:05

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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