Please tell me how nice your life is with older DC

[AvoBaconHalloumi]

Just to say I adore my DC more than anything, they're gorgeous funny clever and make me feel so.loved. but my god I am so tired and just BORED of it all. My 2 year old is incessant at the moment. Tantrums, biting, kicking. Attention span of a gnat. Tried a thinking step time out etc but she just laughs and runs off. My six year old is wonderful but I feel I'm losing patience and she gets the raw end of the stick as I'm constantly stressed from the two year old. I have work to do of an evening (degree) so Im constantly shattered, DH wfh still, 15 hour days. House is a mess. I feel.like I'm wishing the days away and I dont want to be like this. Going back to work in sept and hoping this might help. Please tell.me stories of how much easier it is when your children are older. I got up to go for a run this morning, enjoy it while I'm going but the minute on back DH is logging on and they are all over me , I just want to go for a run and then sit and have 10 mins to cool down in peace!! Eurgh. So yes please tell me how much nicer / easier your life got once your DC were older.

I have a 4.5yo and it's awesome :) so much fun, great company, able to play independently, loves cuddles.

Mine are 2 and 4 and I'm knackered!

I posted about my parents not having them on another thread but as it's our anniversary today they have agreed to have both overnight (and possibly tomorrow night too!!! If they are good).

I heard the kids talking and the 4 year old said "we've got to be good at Nanas house, no fighting!! Or we won't be allowed to stay". At least my pep talk went in!

@AvoBaconHalloumi as parents - we aren’t good at parenting every age between 0 - 18 years.

We have strengths and weaknesses. My weakness was most definitely toddler age. But my strengths are definitely parenting an older child and I love it.

it’s perfectly normal.

Mine are 11 and nearly 9. It's lovely. They are fun and still sweet and yet pretty independent. No teeth brushing or bottom wiping. You can go anywhere with them without worrying about behaviour. They just need to be told to shower you don't have to do it with them. If you're not back from a day out till 11pm or supper is two hours late no one is going to have a meltdown.

The biggest challenge is screen time and enforcing limits. Mine obey the limits but my younger one gets v grumpy when he has to give up his game and do something else. So I do have to weather that in a firm way that also can be draining.

There's also bickering and winding other up. My eldest can have some hormonal type grumps and I guess there is more of that on the way as she approaches teens!

But other than that they're a delight really!

Mine weren’t bitey thank god, but I found the early years insane. Claustrophobic, in fact. I hated being touched constantly and bagged and repeating myself all the time. (This is me being brutally honest. I was actually a patient and loving mum, I promise!!!) I have enjoyed my children more and more as they grew into “people”. They are 16, 14 & 14 and they’re awesome people.They’re all totally different. Their interests are diverse. They make me laugh. (I can swear now!) None of them are perfect and I don’t have to pretend that I am either. I love that they are all empathetic and open-minded. We’re not “best friends” like some families. I’m definitely their mother and I’m really pleased with that. So are they. One thing I will add, is that though the the toddler years were interminable (I had three under two)... One thing really did pay off. I jammed “Please & Thank you” down their necks. Really basic manners. (I still give them “the look” if it’s forgotten, but it’s very rare.) It’s noticed so often by teachers, strangers, employers, etc.... So, while it’s dull now, it reaps dividends in the long run.

My DDs are 15 and 14 now and it is wonderful (although as a PP said on here, I do miss the early bedtime thing, CBeebies, story and bed.) Now I go to bed earlier than them at times.

I struggled with tiredness when they were very young and can honestly say I don't remember a lot of the 1st 5 years as I was so absolutely knackered.

I agree it’s easier when they are older less demanding but my oh my the teenage stage is hard for mood swings/worrying about them when they go out with friends and social media/online problems!! It’s easy to protect them when there little. Generally every age has its challenges.

Ages 2-6 were the worst for me, so you're stuck in that at the moment OP. It does get better, so hang in there. Mine are 12 and 9 now and things, while also tedious at times and far from always easy, are significantly better. I find being able to explain why, when and how we're doing things makes all the difference. Being able to discuss things sensibly too is very helpful. Small DC are just impossible to reason with and that can make interactions very frustrating for both parties!

I have teens. 17 and 15. I think we did the terrible teens at 12 and for the last few years they have been an utter joy (seriously) to be around.

I think all ages are difficult in their own ways, but my youngest is 12 now, and I absolutely love the fact I can nip into town or do stuff without taking the kids. They still make a mess though and they still need a lot, but its less intense

Very nice. All ages have their difficulties (my teens are stressing my floorboards and I feel like an emotional referee/rag sometimes), but I definitely prefer their current ages (8-15) than when I had 4 under 8.

Last week, my 11-year-old did a couple loads of laundry from sorting to folding for it to be put away herself and my oldest took care of the kitchen somewhat when I was unwell. It was lovely. We regularly have great conversation, we can share and discuss shows and games on a mostly intelligent level, and watching & helping them take their first steps towards independence like my teens setting up their first bank accounts and getting their cards, has been great.

My 12 year old is exhausting. Always social stuff to worry about, moody, never wants to do anything that might cause people to 'see him or judge him' (ie leave the house). I hope this stage doesn't last long and one day he'll voluntarily wash his face.

My baby ds is a joy. I miss those days with big ds. I wish he was 5 again.

I relate to so much. I once had a two year old with a will of iron. A nursery worker once said to me "he is the most stubborn child I have ever met." Well that floored me. Far from being offended, I could have kissed her. Someone GOT IT! He is eight now and still stubborn but he's the life and soul of the family. He's an absolute joy. And pretty easy. But I can't imagine going through those difficult times with lockdown on top, studies, a partner working extremely long hours, all with a massive guilt cherry on the cake. What a plate full. You are basically a hero. And then you have the resilience to go out for a run! Good god the sheer willpower of that. If your time finishes the moment you walk in the door, don't walk in the door. Find a grassy area and stretch, have a drink, cool down and... breathe.

When mine were 2 and 4 that was one of the hardest times. By the time they were 4 and 6 I did a 4 month heavy training regime culminating in a marathon. Your life will come back to you for however you want to use it. And I feel you will go far. Nothing will be harder than the last months.

@SummerHouse I want to print this out and pin it up!! Just thank you. Re reading this thread tonight and appreciating all the comments and support.

@AvoBaconHalloumi - don't worry. Mine's 16 and not only did he cook dinner, but washed up as well. They get more useful as they get older 😁

@YesItsMeIDontCareme that sounds much more like it. DD2s ended up on half on the floor and half hidden down her nappy , I will remind her of that one day !!

@hellofromcornwall your comment about preferring different stages of parenting really struck a chord. I remember finding the toddler stage with Dd1 tough but I wasnt spread as thinly. I think that's partly why I find it hard, DC1 is coming into such a lovely age and is such good company but I feel I am missing out on this due to being constantly preoccupied with DC2. I feel it's unfair on her . I always try and make time for her of an evening and tonight she sat up with me reading for a bit while I was working (with a few interruptions 😂) but it was lovely having that time just "being" with her. She was an only child for quite a long time before DC2 came along and although she has gained so much from having a sibling and I hope will continue to do so she does also miss out. I'm also guilty of escaping on my phone too much during the day just for some downtime if ever I can grab 5 minutes whereas I really should spend that time with her.

Mine are all teens now and I find them funny and interesting to be around.

I saw a mum of 3 little ones the other day and felt a pang of nostalgia for those days. Then her youngest sat down in the middle of the path and took off his shoes, refusing to budge! Looking back at those years I only remember their cuteness, not the tears and tantrums,

These days they help with housework, make me cups of tea and we have interesting conversations and debates. I’m still very much the parent - I’m not about to start going out with them and their friends or anything, but it’s a very different relationship now and one that comes with a lot more freedom.

As a single mum I don’t get a lot of kid-free time, but when they are around they’re no trouble really. Apart from needing food they’re pretty self-sufficient.

12 almost and 8 and it does get easier. The toddler stages are probably the hardest. When they go to school you’ll have more time on your hands. You don’t need to keep your eyes on them all the time. You can have a shower in peace!

@AvoBaconHalloumi and others struggling: please read this thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3980606-To-think-once-your-children-get-to-a-certain-age-and-stage-in-life-you-experience-a-second-wind

It will make you feel better I promise!!

16, 13 and 10 here. Fabulous company. They are polite and kind and help around the house and stuff. And great fun! We are currently on holiday together and I’m having the best time 🙂

Oh God yes, the future is bright for you

Mine are 17 and 14 year old boys, they take it in turns to unpack the dishwasher, they can strip their own beds and put it all in the washing machine. They can get themselves a drink in the middle of the night without coming to get you, they can make you cups of tea, toast, crumpets etc IN BED!!!

They make dinner, they can shop for you (Ds1's sixth form is near a supermarket) but best of all, they are a lot of fun to be with. You can show them classic movies like The Rock and Die Hard and they love it. They will sing Hamilton show tunes with you (well, maybe just Ds1, Ds2 is suddenly not a singer ) they come and show you stuff they have found to be hilarious on the internet. They also still hug you and tell you they love you.

You can play games and no one cries if they lose. It is a rollercoaster of a ride parenting and there have been some pretty challenging times but you will get through the other side.

Walking, talking children are SO much more fun than the littlies! - They suck you into looking after them by being so darn cute while behaving like complete psychopaths!

4 DSs here, between 10 and 17 and life is good.

Hang in there, OP, and everybody else struggling. They do come in handy at times, they are funny, interesting and interested (well, sometimes), they don't need their bums wiping and their temper tantrums are much, much rarer and less noisy.

I am lucky to have had the larger family that I wanted, but I always just had to get through the baby/toddler phase to arrive at the 'child' phase that I wanted. I cannot wait to have young adults - I'm almost there

We went for a swim in the sea this evening. Ds2, Dd and I, I mentioned how much easier it was now than they were small. They can get their own towels, I don't have to watch them like a hawk and they can cope with getting the sand out between their toes. Win, win.

I found parenting easier as DS got older and I could reliably leave him to manage his own entertainment. I wasn't a big fan of the baby or toddler years, they were nice enough but a bit full on with coordinating schedules (I have always worked full time). Now he is 20 he is a great housemate - funny, helpful, occasionally silly but overall a good companion.