Too old to start a family?

[Jezzye]

So I'm currently 32, married to my husband 35 and we're considering when to start a family.

There's a chance I may not be able to have kids biologically due to some medical conditions that are currently being investigated, but presuming that things are fine, I worry about waiting too long to start a family.

We don't feel like we're in the right place to start just now - there's a few things we still want to do as a childless couple and we need to regain some financial stability.

Waiting a year seems fine, 2 maybe... I don't know. Trouble is pretty much everyone around us is either child free and planning to stay that way or had their families early. I don't know any "older" parents.

So, people of mumsnets, do you think mid 30s is getting too late to start a family? And anyone who's had kids in their 30s plus, what's it like? Do you regret not starting earlier?

Had my daughter aged 36, no regrets. Feel like we lived a lot before she came, both in good careers and financially stable. We're tired, but I'm sure most parents are!

Could you look into freezing your eggs?
I think if you're not planning to try and get pregnant for at least 2-3 years it would be worth considering.

Had my first baby this year at 35 because it was the right time for us. Most people I know had their first baby somewhere between 30 and 40 and haven't regretted their choice. Ultimately the best time to have a baby is the time that works for you.

@Jezzye I had my second at 32. So many people are waiting to have children now. My husband and I wanted to travel first before having children

I had both mine in mid-late 30s. No regrets at all. I didn't feel old in the slightest.

We were 38 and 43, and I wasn’t considered an older mother by midwives or any other health professional. I certainly don’t feel old especially, but if anything I think that we’re both more patient and resilient than we were in our early 30s (when we met and married). Having a baby is very challenging and you really need to want to do it. We just didn’t want to before.

I really don’t think mid 30s is considered ‘old’ these days in terms of having babies, but maybe that’s just my social circle.

It seems to me from observation at the school gates, that alot of people start in their early or mid 30s now, probably due to taking longer to get on the housing ladder and more career orientated women nowadays. Personally based on fertility... I'd get myself as close to being financially stable as I could, but crack on with trying for a family if you intend to do this anyway.

Majority of women having first baby in mid-30s here. London.

I was 35 when my baby was born. Definitely wasn't the oldest in my antenatal classes, or mum groups

Had my first at 32 and now nearly 34 and pregnant with second I'm glad I waited I done everything I wanted to first and my ds now has my undivided attention and everything is about him lol no regrets

Had my first at 41 2nd at 44 now am 47

I certainly hope not! I'm 36, DP is 39 and we're ttc at the moment.

What I would say is don't wait longer than the necessary time to get yourselves financially stable. I do wish DP and I had met 3 or 4 years ago and had a bit more time in case we end up needing assistance.

I don’t think that’s too old at all! A lot of my friends now are only starting .
I had my first at 29 and second at 34. Dh was 33 and 38.
At the school gates the parents are generally my age or older. Only a handful are younger .

I had my first when I was 33. Pregnancy was hard on my body but I'm not sure I'm unique in that respect! Hoping to get pregnant with my second early next year so will be 36 when baby is born all going well.

Physically I wish I had children earlier. But from a life enjoyment perspective, I'm glad I spent my 20s focusing entirely on myself and investing in my life and future rather than looking after children. I feel like I bring more to motherhood now than I would have in my teens or 20s. I was far too selfish in my younger years to have been the type of mother I want to be.

I definitely wouldn't want to wait too much longer than mid 30s to start having children just for my own anxiety levels around fertility.

I had mine in my early and mid 30s and don't think I would have been mentally ready in my 20s. The reality with young children is that, along with the lovely aspects, they are completely dependent and looking after them involves a degree of drudgery that I accepted in my 30s, but think would have felt hard done by in my 20s.

Having said that, I don't think there is ever one perfect time to have children and if you are keen for two you should think sooner rather than later.

I had mine in my late 30s. It worked for me - I had more patience and money and was by then in a job that worked really well with having kids. We hardly needed any childcare at all and I got to do the mum and baby groups and school runs while still working 30 plus hours a week. (TTC took only six months of barely trying.)

To be frank, I had a cracking time in my 20s and early 30s - travelling, partying etc - and it made staying home at night with babies in my 40s a lovely relaxing thing, rather than frustrating.

Some people I know, who had kids early, would say that they'd be able to travel etc in their 40s/50s - and yes, it's possible, but it's really not the same as being a carefree 20-something living the life. Chances are, in your 40s/50s, you'll need to save money to help your kids or help them with their own kids. You won't be sleeping on someone's floor in China or whatever 😂

It worked for me - hope you get what works nicely for you 🥰

@Enough4me

I had mine in my early and mid 30s and don't think I would have been mentally ready in my 20s. The reality with young children is that, along with the lovely aspects, they are completely dependent and looking after them involves a degree of drudgery that I accepted in my 30s, but think would have felt hard done by in my 20s.

Having said that, I don't think there is ever one perfect time to have children and if you are keen for two you should think sooner rather than later.

Bang on!

I was 35 and DH was 44 when DS was born. He is now 12 and we have had no issues being ‘older’ parents

Thank you so much everyone! It's really good to hear from other people who have actually had kids in their 30s! It's super reassuring to know that you don't regret things and that waiting another 2 or 3 years isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I think logically I know that it happens and more and more people are waiting until their 30s to have kids, i just don't see it, hence my concerns. I live in an area where not only us teen pregnancy high, but getting married and starting a family young is pretty much the norm.

Had first baby at 35. I was really worried I'd be the oldest in my nct group... I was the youngest! I was living in London at the time.

I wouldn't really consider 32/35 to be 'old'. I had my first at 32 and my 2nd at 37. It was perfect timing as far as I was concerned. I personally never had any fertility issues (pregnant 3 times, one of them was a miscarriage, but that's just one of those things, but I was pregnant the first or second month of trying every time). Now, of course, you never know how easy things will be and it will make a difference if you want 1-2 close together or 4 with big age gaps. But I don't see any harm in waiting a year or two. Definitely make the most of life pre-kids. A lot changes when you become parents and we had some amazing times before we had our first (and in the 5 year between them too), which was definitely worth waiting for. Nearly everyone I know had kids in their 30s to early 40s, so you really will not be at all unusual.

I had my children at 21 and 23 - I'm now almost 32 and not planning to have anymore (purely because of the age gap if I had another).

I know loads of people my age who haven't started a family yet, some are just getting married and some are still single.

There's no right or wrong age and I think you have plenty of time yet. If you are worried you can always look into freezing your eggs as mentioned in previous replies. It seems a very common things nowadays

I had my first at 37. The only reason I wish I’d had them earlier is because my mum is too old to babysit, and having a grandparent who can give you a night off is life changing. Even more so if they can babysit regularly in order to allow you to work.

I had my first at 33 and 2nd at 35, friends were similar ages. At every baby group I attended, the other mums were a similar age or actually often slightly older than me. Not saying put it off but just wanted to reassure you that mid 30s isnt classed as an older parent these days, in the area I live anyway!

I had my first at 37... I felt much wiser and more confident than I would have done in my 20’s. I don’t feel I’ve any less energy than I did in my 20’s. I feel I’m much more patient and tolerant than my 20 something self would have been.