"The vast majority of people find out about the facts of life from their peers, and that's how it should be"

[emkana]

That was the gist of an article in the Sunday Times last week, unfortunately I can't find it online, but it made me think. It's certainly true for myself and for a lot of people I know, and I don't wish that it has been my parents who had done "the talk", I was quite happy to find out the way i did. But is that a cop out?

now come on guys surely that's a topic worth debating?

I could come up with a lot of po-faced stuff about the Dutch, if you like. But I should warn you that I'm the sort of mother who teaches her young sons the difference between 'vulva' and 'vagina'.

I don't agree. I found out from my peers as my Mum was always so embrassed that I ran upstairs with my fingers in my ears if she ever tried to do the talk! I think parents should discuss it at a very basic level from a young age. I don't think learning from your peers is a good thing, I heard talk about blow jobs and rainbow kisses (gross!) before I even knew exactly how babies were made, not good!

I think that everything can/needs to be discussed with children on so many different levels. However I expect them to talk about sex more with their mates than with me/dh, at some stage.

My mom told me the basics when I was about 8. I took it very matter-of-factly. I think it was a good thing and I will do the same, if not earlier.

So is that the general consensus?

I told ds1 and ds2 myself. God knows what the little git up the road would have told them otherwise!

I found our from my mum, aged about 9 (I remember the convo, we were on-route to our summer holiday and staying in a french b&b, my dad took my older bro out for a drink and my mum had a chat with me).
I later found out more and other details from magazines and mates.
My ds1 (5) knows the scientific facts, and also that it isn't just about making babies. I will continue to talk to him about it as he grows up, but maybe I will leave descriptions of blow jobs to his peers .

It depends whether you as a parent want your opinions about sex to be conveyed to your children. I think my parents assumed that if they didn't mention sex to me, nobody would. They never said anything about anything at all - my mother's version of sex education was putting a packet of sanitary towels in my drawer without ever mentioning it. I was reading my cousin's Mayfairs by the age of 9 and writing out 'true confessions' from Fiesta at 11 to read out to my primary school friends behind the Portakabin - that was my sex education. My parents were astounded when I had sex before getting married, aged 18 - actually I'd already lost my virginity without telling them to a guy I met in a queue. They'd never talked about relationships, emotions, desire, arousal, ANYTHING. I don't know if either of us could have borne them to, but I know they never tried. Earlier the better IMO.

Sorry that's a rant, they were great parents in many ways but that is one massive hole in their parenting.

i asked my mother was s.e.x was when i was about 7...i spelled the word to her because i thought it might be a swear word and that i'd have a row!

she took me home, explained it all, showed me a book with the human body in it etc. I learned far more from her than from my peers, who all came out with silly nonsense that i knew was rubbish, because my mother had been so upfront about everything.

My mum was always quite open and honest about sex and the human body, she managed to do it in such a way that it never felt like i was given to much information for me to process at any time. Therefore it never seemed dirty and i knew enough to tell peers if and when they were getting it wrong, and its amazing just how wrong some of them can actually get it!!!

The actual facts of life - reproduction -should come from parents when child is old enough to ask.

As for the additional information... peers, definitely!

(This comes from the woman who struggled to explain to 3.8 dd what a tampon is for, mind you!)

I got to some conclussions from what peers and teachers said. My mother was mortified even to answer questions. She only "tutt tutt" me as if I were asking how to make a bomb.

However, I think that in my own personal case, this was the best thing, I would have grown up with the idea that all sex related things were an absolute taboo and a source of shame if my mother had presented the subject to us in more detail, her silence took me to some better sources

I asked my mum about it when I was 7 and I was glad to say she told me the truth. She also asked me not to tell any of my friends as it was up to their parents to tell them. I kept this promise for a few years and then told a slightly younger friend who ran home crying. I'm sure his mum would rather she told him than me!

i've often wondered whether the girls in my year at school would have had so many kids in their teens if their parents had told them the truth, rather than leave them to speculate and 'learn' from each other

about a quarter of them had kids by 18.

Have not told my ds (9) yet as he hasn't asked outright,I have told him what wasn't sex though, as he thought he saw someone having sex in the swimming baths! (He said they were 'really kissing')