6 year old sleep problem. What would you guys do?

[Topsyandtimison37]

My 6 year old daughter still doesn't settle to sleep without me in the bedroom, since being born. Tried numerous times saying good night and leaving the room but she gets beyond hysterical and will sob for hours. I have tried to talk to her about it during the day and she explains that she simply can't fall asleep and just really needs me there. She really panics when I explain that she should be falling asleep on her own by now. I usually sit by her bed on a chair with an audiobook on my phone till she falls asleep. It's been this way for years as it easier than her getting worked up! Any tips as she is nearly 7 and I don't know how to break the cycle.

Is she the type who will respond if you make a deal with her i.e. she gets something she's wanted for ages like a new bike, in return for going to sleep on her own?

How long does it take her to fall asleep with you in the room?

Unfortunately if you’ve always done this then it’s going to be a big change for her. I’d do gradual withdrawal techniques if I were you or start by going straight to sitting outside her room with you reading a book or similar but not being actually in there, slowly moving further away as time goes on.

I had this recently with my 5 year old. Wouldn't sleep without me there. In the end it took us two months to be able to actually go downstairs without her panicking and keep getting out of bed but now I can put her in and she gets herself to sleep.

At first I was sitting right by the bedroom door until she was asleep and then I would leave. No talking to her or making eye contact during this only if it was urgent like she needed the toilet. It was hard and this bit took her the longest to get used to. After that I would move around upstairs so she could hear me but if she got out I put her straight back. Eventually I would tell her I was popping downstairs for a few minutes and then go back and walk past her room or make a bit of noise so she knew I was back. Now I can put her into bed and go downstairs and she's mostly fine. She calls out a few times for silly questions but then she settles to sleep. Sometimes I give her a book to read and she goes to sleep when she's ready.

It was really hard and for the first few weeks it felt like we were making no progress but now I'm so pleased I stuck with it. Giving her little incentives at first worked well too. So the first week she went to sleep with me sat by the door she got a little toy. Then after that when she'd been letting me walk about upstairs she got something. Now she doesn't need anything but praise and she's still doing it.

Good luck!

@Bluebunny123
Thanks for taking the time to reply!
I might follow this method! Just a few queries, when you did the second step (making noise upstairs etc) when she got up or called you, did you put her to bed and leave the room or stay with her?
Also did you tell her she would get a reward if she went to sleep on own in her room, or just give her reward after, aa a suprise? Also what did you say when she asked why you were not staying in room with her anymore?

I recommend the happy sleeper which is basically going in every five minutes.

At 6, you may have to go in 45 sec, then a minute thirty sec. It's really effective.

According to this book, the child wants reassurance you are there.

@LemonDrizzles
Wow! Thanks for this! I will definitely look into this!

@Topsyandtimison37 sorry for the late reply I've just seen this!

Yeah I put her back and left I would just say nothing or say you're a big girl now you can do this without me sitting right next to you. Some nights she screamed and cried but I just kept on. Other nights she would really mess around jumping about but I would just go in and lay her back down. Basically ignore anything that she's trying to get attention for. It can be awful some nights it was two hours I was doing it for and it was hard but worked in the end.

With the first part of sitting in her room but near the door I told her she would get something if she could do it for a week. After she got it she started asking for other things but I just said she would have to go to bed really well and follow the rules which I explained were going to be me now being sat outside not in the room. I think explaining it to them helps even if they don't like it or properly understand it. Even now I still give her a little surprise randomly just to say well done for doing it. She doesn't really ask for stuff now she just does it but I think little treats keep her thinking oh this is good.

When she asked I just said she was a big girl and that mummy had grown up things to do at night that were really boring - then listed the worst possible jobs like picking up dog poo
Just kept saying that she could do it etc.

Hope it all helps i was having nightmares a few months ago and now it's completely different. Still have bad nights especially recently with the heat it's thrown it right out but hopefully won't be too hard to get back into!

With my daughter who is 5 I used to pop in to 'check on her' at several intervals, then gradually moved to pottering around in the room next-door folding washing and things, she would call to check I was there. What's also helped is she has some gentle music on that she can listen to until she falls asleep. At first I used to have to wait upstairs 20min until she was in a deep sleep. It's got to the point now where she will go to sleep instantly. She just likes to know I'm around. Good luck!