Not even 4 weeks in and I already feel like I don't want to be a mum anymore

[anon1387]

The first week seemed easy enough even with some health issues for baby. She's now almost 4 weeks and I keep getting the 'what have I done?' feeling. All I can see for my future is feedings, nappies, crying and no sleep. I always see people say it gets easier and better but then see constant posts on MN about how it's still really hard 12+ months down the line! I feel trapped and hopeless even though I wanted this so much. I do love her so much but can't kick these feelings.

Thank you everyone. I did contact my GP as soon as I started feeling low and he's given me antidepressants as I was on them before pregnancy.

he's given me antidepressants as I was on them before pregnancy.

That is good.
Truly, take one day at a time and as we are all saying, be really kind to yourself.
You are not doing it wrong, you are not failing, there is no law that says you must enjoy this experience.

My walking/talking children are SO much more fun than any of them were as babies!
But you need to get there first, and it is HARD.

For me it was the lack of normality. Once having a baby was my norm, it felt so much better! I hope it gets easier for you quickly xx

Totally normal for many, many people. It's still taboo sadly.

I felt this exact same way when my eldest was a baby. DH and I had several conversations along the lines of we should have waited another year, we will never sleep again etc. The first few weeks are an absolute slog. But it really does get better - she will start sleeping longer, you'll become a whizz at nappy changes, you'll start having proper smiles, you'll just find your feet.

Parenting is so hard, but equally it's not. I have two small DC who I adore, they're fun and they both sleep well so DH and I generally have our evenings together. I read a lot on here about children not sleeping until they're 5 etc but anecdotally in RL I don't find that's the case at all.

'What have i done' feeling is totally normal,
I completely sympathise with you because that stage is so bloody hard.
No matter how many people say it will get better and you will get through it, it doesn't help the way you're feeling but it is still true.
Mine is just old enough now where he sleeps and plays lovely and everything seems perfect so the time does come please hang in there xx

It does get easier. Slowly, but far too slowly for me. DH at work all day. No local family or friends. I outsourced it and went back to work pt at four and five months respectively. It absolutely saved me.
It's very early days for you but dont rule it out, despite what your previous plan was.
They're now 17 and 15 and I still consider that my best parenting decision! We're all bonded well enough.

First days are so hard.
Key improvement moments for me
When they dropped a feed so slept for 4-5 hours in one go. the difference between 2x3 hours and one whole slot of 4/5 hours was huge.
When they smile at you and respond
When suddenly things begin to fall into a pattern (I won't use the dreaded word routine) This doesn't happen quickly, and shouldn't happen in the first few weeks anyway, but then suddenly one day there is a pattern and you know that this or that will work.
Getting out for a walk, is always helpful. For them and for you.
Meeting another mum at the same stage so you can both go - it's shit isn't it? together. You forget so quickly!

by the way, mine are all teens now, and I don;t regret it.
Each stage has its moments, but nothing is quite like those newborn days, where you feel hit by a sledgehammer.

It will get easier, yes there are different problems as they get older but imo, you get more back from them too when they can smile, babble, then talk with you etc. The newborn stage is a constant cycle of nappies, feed, burp, another nappy, try and get some sleep and repeat but suddenly they get less fussy and you start to feel like you have a bit more time in between it all. A newborn in lockdown is also more difficult, look up local apps to perhaps chat with other new Mums too, or take a stroll around a park and you might meet some other new Mums in the same boat

It’s honestly balls, the early bit. Your whole life has been upended and you can’t even take a shower or run the vacuum round in peace. Gradually, things improve. You can putt them down for nap, they’ll lay under a gym while you have a cup of tea, they learn to sit up by themselves etc etc.

The key to this part is to lots of things you like to do yourself, while they are portable. Walks, coffee in friends’ gardens, watching box sets.

Once DD was cruising at 10 months (never crawled) I felt better, and once she walked at 12 months I felt I had my independence back. Now at 20 months she literally wanders off into the living room to watch CBeebies (bad mummy) or play with her toys and leaves me to it in the kitchen for half an hour. Bliss!

Just wanted to say, like the others have, that I think this is totally normal. It's a shame that people aren't more open about it to stop new mums feeling the way that you do and the way that I did when my baby was born 12 weeks ago. It made a huge difference when he started smiling, it really felt like I was getting something back and I felt reassured that he was happy.

8 weeks ago I was adamant that I wouldn't have another baby. I'm now coming round to the idea.

I felt like I had been run over by a truck for at least 5 weeks, the first proper smile was the turning point and the improvement was peaks and troughs, but with an overall upward trend from then on. I say that real True Love is wanting to run for the hills but staying and singing lullabies instead.

No one tells you that having a newborn is a tiredness like no other because you never get time to catch up on sleep- it’s endless and torture and you can’t think straight during it. You will come out the other side I promise you! Rest whenever you can, no chores just rest!

It's really hard and nothing can prepare you for it.

I promise you, it does get easier. Sometimes I see people posting on these threads saying "it doesn't get any easier as they get older, it's just different" and I just think...what are they on?!

In my experience, yes it's different as they get older. And also SO MUCH easier. You're doing great and although it may not feel like it yet, it will all be fine.

@anon1387 what you're feeling is completely normal. They don't call the newborn days the '4th trimester' for nothing. At this point your pre-child life is still on the horizon, you can still see it if you stand on tippy toes, but soon, your baby will become your new normal and you won't keep looking back. You will sometimes, I have 3 DC and still crave a weekend lie-in, but the magic moments make it all worth it.

When my first was 6 weeks old my DH told me to go for a coffee. He could see I was at the end of my tether. I felt awful for leaving my baby, but it was the best thing. In one hour I sat in the coffee shop, read a paper, drank a hot coffee and ate a yummy cake and went home completely refreshed. From then on I made it a regular thing. I urge you to take a little time out. It doesn't make you a bad mum. Happy mum, happy baby.