Toddler biting-feel rubbish mum

[Tonic54]

My DS has been back at nursery 3mornings a week since the end of June and today he bit someone twice and scratched them. This is not the first time it has happened-there have been 2 other occasions-one before lockdown. He has a 10 week old baby sister too.

At home he doesn't bite but will sometimes pinch or pull the hair of his sister, DP he will sometimes scratch.. When I catch him doing anything I say a firm no and say kind hands..we have a book on kind hands-dont hurt.

Nursery seemed to suggest this has got too much for normal behaviour and what are we doing about it. I don't feel I can discipline him for behaviour at nursery as he can't remember what he's done or eaten there.

Is this normal and anyone have tips on how I can address it? Thanks

How old is he?

I have been on both sides of the fence on this one. DS1 never laid a finger on another child and sometimes got hurt, but then DS2 went through a hitting phase (not biting thankfully) and I can assure you that being the parent of the hitter is worse so I really feel for you OP. I found it so stressful.

To be honest, I'm not too impressed by the nursery's response. He can't be the first child to behave like this, and while he's in their care they are responsible for dealing with it. I think you should ask for a meeting with the nursery manager, ask how they handle this sort of incident and reassure them that you will follow the same process if he ever bites or hits while he's with you, so that he's getting a consistent message.

Yeah it's pretty normal ime and you're dealing with it fine, i.e removing him and talking about the behaviour.

Some toddlers are just a bit "handier". I had one that was a regular recipient of knocks, scratches, bites and one that did the occasional bite / was very rough and tumble.

I would have expected the nursery to have strategies - it wont be the first time.

Completely depends how old he is but most likely normal behaviour.

My 18 month old is a biter and a hitter too! No idea how to manage it. My 4 year old gets attacked by him daily it’s awful. My eldest has never bit or hit anyone in his life!

How old is he? Perhaps it's time you added gentle consequences to the "kind hands" spiel. We used to say to ours "i don't want to be around you if you're going to hurt me" and leave him alone for a minute or two, and then come back and say "i don't like it when you hurt me - show me how you can be nice and loving and gentle" and have a cuddle, and then move on.

If your child bites or hits I tend to think is pot luck
How you should deal with it depends on age- anything from 2 down I say nice hands etc- but after that age, it’s naughty step/ time out. How do nursery deal with it?

Thanks for replying-he is nearly 2 and a half.

Yes that's a good idea with nursery- since they reopened they have been really sparse on information, we are not allowed to speak at drop off/pick up and just get phone calls for injuries and biting. They said they thought he was doing it for attention but when he's lashed out at home it seems more frustration.

Yeah if he's over about 20 months it's definitely time you started gentle discipline. Barring any SEN he should definitely be able to understand the concept of a time out at 2 and a half.

Sorry just seen the other replies- thanks, yes I am horrified I have a biter. Consequences is definitely something I can add- thanks.

Nursery said they gave him a count down to calm down which we can try but when he has scratched his sister it's all over quickly or I've stopped it before its happened and he's over it really quickly- so not sure if it would work but understand we need to be consistent.

I had a biter, he's an adult now and a gentle soul. He grew out of it once he was able to verbalise his emotions better but while it was happening I would just remove him to a quiet spot and tell him "No biting, it hurts" with an exaggerated sad face.

My DC luckily were never biters but I had friends who had these issues (one friend's son bit my child's cheek so badly there was quite a bit of blood, a lot of bruising and a hideous whole bite mark on the cheek - she was so mortified I felt really bad for her!)
I remember hearing that it is often children who are struggling to verbalise their frustrations so maybe try working with improving his language and role playing what to do in different situations. The boy who bit my son had 3 older brothers and I imagine it was his way of fighting his corner.

I feel like my son does it for the reaction, he gets attention from doing it, but if I don’t react my 4 year old ( who during lockdown is his main target) asks if it’s ok to hit/bite