Should I stop sharing a bed with my dc’s?

[HandsomeMaid]

I have a nearly 8yo and a 4yo. 8yo was a dream as a baby/ toddler and was in his own bed from 2 months. 4yo less so - moved into his own room at 1yo and after 2 years of at least 2 hours a night of me lying in the darkness next to his bed and log rolling out, only to come back in and repeat after 20 minutes I gave up about 18 months ago.

We now all go to my bed at 8ish, I work on my laptop while sat in bed until they’re asleep after about an hour then I sleep with them all night. This works well, dc2 still wakes and bumbles around a bit but doesn’t disturb me too much. Dc1 likes it too, I think he feels a bit left out if it’s just dc2 and in bed and tbh I love having them next to me too.

Dc1 will have the very odd night in his own bed (maybe 4-5 this year) if he’s in a strop or gets annoyed with dc2. Dh left at the beginning of the year and I’m starting to think that I’m using having the dc’s in my bed as a way of coping a bit. Also we live in a big, old house that makes lots of weird noises, isn’t very secure and I can’t hear the boys if they start wandering around in the night.

Should I try them in their own rooms again? Am I going to end up turning them into big softies?

Mine slept with me until they decided they didn't want to any more. If they had disturbed my sleep or they really had become too big I would have evicted them sooner. I'd leave it for now if you are all happy.

Our bed isn't big enough for us all (mine are a couple of years older than yours), but having co-slept with each child in turn, the two of them prefer to share a room and bed now - they have their singles pushed together so they can snuggle if they want.

When DP is travelling, it's a standing arrangement that I get the first night alone, then they both come and share my bed until DP's back - I think it's lovely (well, except for the bed sharing bit!) that they still want to do that - I'm sure that eventually they'll want their own space, but until then, I'll sigh, and squeeze into my bed next to a fidgety 7 year old for a poor night's sleep because it makes them happy.

I think its fine. Especially if you are all happy with it. My OH works nights and I bedshare with the 2 year old but my two boys (6 and 8) are welcome to come in when they need to. We have regular sleepovers in my room.

Maybe work towards dc1 sleeping in his own room before school resumes in September. I would consider him the butt of mocking if his peers found out...

Oh God, I hadn’t thought about kids taking the piss . It did start as just an occasional thing with dc1 but it’s just turned into him being here every night now.

I think I’ll try and start them doing it on weekend nights and see if we can work our way up.

DS2 slept in my bed most nights until he chose to "move out" at 10ish. He's completely independent now at 13.

My friends son was the same, only he moved onto a mattress in her room not his own room until he was about 15. He's a wonderfully confident uni student now.

15?! I'm sorry that is just beyond weird. I can understand up to 5ish and maybe thereafter if they are ill/have a nightmare. But why on earth would you sleep in your mum's room at 13/14/15?

Couldn't think of anything worse then sharing a bed with kicking, moving about kids. I go to bed to relax and sleep. Luckily mine have always slept alright in their own beds.

@grissomsbugs we are all different. There is nothing better than waking up in morning with your children. Mine are 1 and 4, the 4 year old occasional sneaks in but the 1 year old has been in with me since her second night in this world.

I would be trying to get the 8 year old to bed by himself, tell him if he wakes up he can join you. Do you get any time to yourself?

Can they try starting in their own beds then coming in later?

It's very common and normal tbh. Ideally they'd still feel safe and comfortable in their rooms so they have to confidence to do it later. But they will get there.

I miss mine coming in for sleepy cuddles! Yes maybe try just weekends or something so that it's just as a treat not the norm

How can you get comfortable OP? Even in a Kingsize bed my child sprawls everywhere.

My 8 year old dd has only just started sleeping in her own bed after co sleeping with me ! She keeps sneaking back in though !!

I don’t really find it uncomfortable at all. Certainly a lot more comfortable than getting multiple times in the night and persuading them back into their beds

Then you've answered your own question really?

I think you should do whatever makes you happy, it doesn't really matter what other people think. I like my own space and time to myself though so it wouldn't suit me personally.

I agree it would be good to introduce the option back of their own rooms, so if they come in to you they’re actively choosing to do so rather than it just being the default. If you’re happy with it then there’s no need for drastic change, but you may want to encourage a bit more independent sleeping so you can look to go out of an evening in the future.

I can't imagine ever sharing a bed with DC's, I didn't even when they were babies. I don't even share a bed with DH . My bed is my sanctuary, my peace, my place. DC's used to get up in the night and sometimes climb in for a quick cuddle, but got sent back after 20 mins or so, and went back on their own. I also can't imagine going to bed so early, just to accommodate your kids.

However, all things being equal, and accepting we are all different, if it makes you happy why not?

My 2 DD's (6 and 4) both start the night in their own beds but they both end up with me by the morning. The 6 year old usually about 10 minutes after I go up and the 4 year old at some point in the night. She never wakes me up despite climbing over the bed to get in. I don't mind it. They're only small for a very short time and I'll miss the sleepy cuddles when they eventually stay In their own beds

I think if you're all happy then its fine! Probably move them out before they become teenagers though....