Disciplining an almost 2 year old who doesn't understand things?

[ImAwfulWithUsernames]

I'm having a really bad few days and finding myself losing my temper more than normal. I feel like an awful mum
My 20 month old boy isn't too great with vocabulary and I'm not sure how well he understands things. If he does something naughty (example, we have a new bin and he keeps putting everything he gets his hands on in the bin!) but when I scold him, he either laughs at me or just carries on.
I'm finding it so hard to make him understand what he's doing is wrong, as I can't fully explain why he shouldn't do such things.

Can you PLEASE tell me what is the best way to respond to this behaviour? Walking away or ignoring the bad behaviour just gives him the heads up to carry on... I'm so lost with what to do!! tia x

Hello,
Try not to be hard on yourself, sounds like your trying your best. I don’t believe in ‘disciplining’ such a young child, as you stated they really don’t have such an awareness yet. I would try reframing it and try not to see it as bad behaviour, it’s totally normal for a toddler to be exploring the world and pushing boundaries. Instead I would do my best to be there to provide support and learn to contain dangerous/risky behaviour without scolding. I would perhaps find a substitute to the bin and teach him that he can put things in there. I would then give him rubbish and allow him to put into the actual bin so he begins to differentiate between the two. If he finds your reactions funny then try not to give him one. My daughter went through a stage where she found the word no hilarious.

Best of luck

I disagree - discipline is about making boundaries clear. Facial expressions and tone of voice are important. If he does something wrong, frown, low tone voice. Exaggerate it and do the opposite with something right. Direct him away from the wrong behaviour into something related but better. E.g "we don't put xyz in the bin, please put it back. Now we can put abc in the bin instead, good, thank you for helping"

Sounds like it has turned into a game if he is laughing. Distract before he does it, put a stairgate on kitchen door, or hide the bin. Under 2 is too young for effective discipline.

I agree with PP. He isn’t being naughty or doing anything terrible; his behaviour is developmentally appropriate for his age. You don’t need to scold him or ignore his behaviour though - just move the bin out of his sight and distract him with a fun alternative. He’s looking for connection and at the moment he’s getting that from you every time you react. And don’t feel like an awful mum-it’s impossible to get it right every time, but you’re trying your best!

@WeAllHaveWings unfortunately we are in an open plan kitchen/dining/living room so I can't keep him out of the kitchen ☹️ x

Thanks guys it's nice to know I'm not raising a demon child and it is somewhat normal. It is a tough stage! I will move towards opening a dialogue with him regarding certain behaviours and hopefully over time he'll understand more! Xx

I am probably going to be slated for this but ....

I have a 20 month old with basically no vocabulary. She has maybe 3 words. When she starts to do something she shouldn't do I say 'ah ah' or 'no, please dont do that because it is dangerous' etc. She may leave it, or she may continue to do it, and she looks and laughs to see how serious I am. If she does it again, I turn the sternness up a little more, so a stronger 'I said, do not touch that. If you do it I will take you away from it/ you will go on the step'. On the third time she does it or goes for it, I either get down to her level and say 'look at Mammy' and explain very basically why I said not to do that, and then I take her away (pop her on the other side of the room, or into the sitting room. Just away from the item), or if its a serious like she is touching the oven, I put her on the naughty step. I have used the naughty step 3 times so far. She always stays on it. I only had to put her back on it twice the first time and she understood she wasnt supposed to come off. She has a cry, then after 2 minutes or so I go to her, I explain again why I put her there, and she 'says sorry' and gives me a hug. She has never repeated the actions that she has been on the naughty step for, so she understands she was on the step because she did something she shouldnt do. I never shout. I never lose my s**t (not to her anyway. I do a lot of breathing). But I stick to my 1-2-3 method of warn, repeat, act like glue.

Some people may think I am extreme as she is seen as a baby. But she understands a lot. Your DS is laughing and running away because he KNOWS he isnt supposed to do it and he finds it funny, not to mention he can see you getting exasperated, or he knows you will give up and let him do it. Just because he has no vocabulary doesnt mean he doesnt understand. Kids know what is good and bad behaviour or action, and if they dont know, its our job as parents to teach them. If we dont do it now, when do we do it? When they are 3 or 4 and screaming the house down and kicking us? Is there some magic age that they suddenly should be disciplined at? No. Kids can manipulate us from a young age, so they understand pushing the boundaries at a young age. Discipline isnt about inflicting misery. Its about teaching them how to behave in the world and giving them boundaries. We arent there just do make them happy 100% of the time.

Aw I have a 21 month old and he us exactly the same although I know he understands. It's totally normal but frustrating! He totally tests boundaries all the time - he will do something he knows is naughty and kooj at ne grinning to see how i will react! He also laughs like yours. I do try @SqidgeBum 's approach (maybe a slightly softer version) most of the time... though occasionally I do burst out laughing at my son's ridiculous antics and have to pretend it's a coughing fit instead! I used to thing we was feral so good to know I'm not the only one with a testing toddler:)

Distraction works nicely at this age, I certainly wouldn't punish with naughty steps or anything. I do tend to offer consequences though. Like, 'If you put that in the bin again, I'll take it away from you for a little while.' then I follow through, but only remove the object for about a minute before returning it. Then do so repeatedly until the behaviour stops.

Thanks for your responses! I'm thinking of working on a 'time-out' or 'reflection' corner today. A corner of the room with a few books and pillows/blankets where I can put him when he's been told no 3 times. Do you think this could work for his age?

Might order this and make this his reflection corner?

Op that's a toy tent, a treat. Fill it with books, pillows and blankets and it's a lovely place to be! Why would that work as a deterrent?

You sound very well meaning but you are going to make a rod for your own back here. You say you can't tell him off because he doesn't have the language to understand, but you are expecting him to 'reflect' on his behaviour by putting him in a lovely little play tent filled with books and cushions? How on earth do you expect him to understand that as a negative consequence?

Naughty step works. It's a minute per year of age so it's not like you are abandoning him for an eternity.

Give him his own little bin and let him put stuff in it to his heart's content.

Yeah at this age (mine is 23 months) I honestly think just distracting or moving the problem is the only real solution. DS has good understanding and is verbally quite far ahead but he thinks being told off is hilarious. He just likes a reaction. Usually I just ignore negative behaviour but this is no good if it’s unsafe or massively inconvenient.

Thanks for your responses! I'm thinking of working on a 'time-out' or 'reflection' corner today. A corner of the room with a few books and pillows/blankets where I can put him when he's been told no 3 times. Do you think this could work for his age?

No, if I'm honest. Two year olds cannot 'reflect' on anything, they're not developmentally able to do it. Also, a three time rule just means they learn there's no need to listen the first two times. Get 'How to talk so little kids will listen'.

Ahh okay I definitely miss-fired that idea ! thanks guys

Put something heavy on the bin lid or buy a bin lock. Problem solved.

Just because he has no vocabulary doesnt mean he doesnt understand

This! Kids understand language before they can replicate it. Sit him down on the sofa, away from toys, TV off and talk to him. Non verbal cues are very important. I often ask my dd to show me where her listening ears are before we start a conversation so I know she is paying attention. It is a learning experience for them.

I'm not sure you did misfire with your tent idea. Distraction is a great technique at that age. If he is doing something annoying like putting the wrong things in the bin then distracting him with a fun tent will probably do the job fine.

But better still, what jesstan said.