DH doesn't spend time with DC

[NotTodaySunshine]

Does anyone else have this problem with DH?

I feel like it's constantly me arranging trips to the park, walks etc.

DH doesn't seem to want to play with DC or take DC anywhere. We are lucky to live in an area with lovely walks and parks close by. They could take the bikes or go skimming stones at a river or lake. But DH never makes an effort. If I need a break they go down his mothers for an hour. Sometimes they'll go to soft play precovid but then DC is left to run around while DH sits and has a coffee.

I feel like I want to shake him but also can't face the argument if I bring it up.

Any advice?

What would happen if you went out shopping for the morning and just them them together? How old are the dc?

It sounds to me that he didn't really want children. I am convinced most men don't or if they do they want someone else to do the donkey work.
I'd ask him if he's miss the kids if you all left.
Not sure I'd want to hear the answer though.

Split up then if he doesn't make an effort on his days they will soon stop wanting to see him .
How old are they?
If you expect him to crawl around soft play they must be little?

But Just push them out the door and let him get on with it.

What was his relationship like with his father? Does he think kids are wimmins work?

Ultimately you will have to fight back if you want anything to change. No mercy. Don't be nice about it. He's taking the piss.

Why have you talked to him about it? Does he argue with you a lot? He might not been aware what he is doing is not normal.

Talk to him about it. It seems strange that you've come to Mumsnet without having done this first.

Talk to him. And be firm. My DH loves our DD, but honestly he needs a firm nudge to spend time with her because he’s very prone to getting caught up in something and not noticing time going by. In pre-Covid times, there were certain activities that were his job to take her to, and that was non-negotiable - I made it clear to him when DD was 18 months old that I wanted time to wash my hair and relax and that he needed to do this. He actually loved it once he’d got into a routine, but he never would have thought to do it. Now, I make it clear that I expect him to take DD (now 3) out for a little outing each day e.g. to the playground round the corner so they have some daddy-daughter time. He is also expected to do bathtime (except for hair washing nights, because she HATES him doing it).

Sometimes it’s easy for people (men!) to fall into a routine of not spending time with their children. I sat my DH down and made him think about how he would feel if one of his parents just never seemed to want to spend time with him. Once there were clear expectations of which things he was expected to do (and yes, he does need reminding) he got into the swing of it and they have a much better relationship. It’s frustrating that he needed a kick to get him going, but I’m glad I did it.