Feeling like I have missed the boat!,

[Daisz]

Does anyone else feel totally bewildered at having missed the boat with the close bonds that are formed at antenatal class?

My dd will be 3 in September and I did attend antenatal class however due to work commitments I attended a slightly later class than I should have for my due date, I ended up missing the last class because dd came slightly earlier than expected.
Anyway I wish someone had taken me aside and told me just how important these classes were for forming close bonds with other mothers. It seems that Facebook is a wash with friends and mutual friends falling over themselves to arrange meet ups with their antenatal peers, all now so ever more important since they missed eachother during lockdown. I have met mothers through various groups, but a lot have made it plain that when an antenatal buddy pitches up, one must make themselves scarce. Am I just being naive? I am now pregnant with baby number 2 and I really wasn't going to bother with more classes, but if this is really the only route to forming any type of bond with anyone, then perhaps I may need a rethink!
Thoughts would be lovely.

Yes I think that makes it worse @Iwantalonglie my dd is definitely very sociable and will approach countless people in parks etc when out, so she definitely needs the interaction. I find that is not just the child you need to weigh up, some mothers can be quite dismissive and rude when a friendly toddler tries to interact with their dc, even when their own child is clearly enjoying the fun. It would never cross my mind to treat any child that way, so I am always baffled by it.

Thanks for all your responses, it has made me feel less of a lonley freak that I am not the only person that is not glued to my NCT group.

I didn't do NCT. I just didn't think it was worth the cost or time when I already had friends. A lot of my friends made friends there that they were in contact with for coupe of years and gradually drifted with the odd exception. Most friends who returned to work FT were jettisoned by the group anyway.

Don't feel bad, there will be plenty of years of birthday parties to come - and the grand demands that come with them . My daughter is three and we've been making the most of the cheap years where she doesn't expect anything and is easily pleased!

@Daisz. I think you have to be prepared for a very high rejection rate. But nothing ventured, nothing gained, so just gather your courage and make the first move. I felt the same as you when my DS was a few months old (so lonely...), whereas now we can hardly find time to fit everyone in! I enjoyed lockdown a surprising amount since there was no pressure to go anywhere or see anyone, but I felt very guilty when DS was so happy to be back at the playground with other children.

My point is, you will make friends at various points. I'm sure when we move I will make a massive effort once more and once we're settled and DS starts his new nursery and then school and activities, I'm sure new friendships will follow.

I agree. It's a bit like having work friends. When you leave a company you all have good intentions to keep on touch, but most of the time you move on except for the real friends you might make. Most friendships are borne of a shared circumstance.

I did nct with dc1 but we live just far enough out of a city and so my group we're all from different local villages so it's hard to get together. We do meet up a couple of times a year but it's not a close bond.

Dc2 is now a year old and I still don't have any close friendships but I have been getting involved with my local baby and play groups and now I have a few "mum friends" and we meet up for walks with the kids. It's still quite superficial though. I'm hoping for school gate friends next and hopefully I'll find my people.

My NCT class didn’t gel. One drifted away completely from everyone. About half way through Mat leave, a couple started having meet ups but only inviting certain people which caused bad feeling. They then splintered off into their own Wassap group. There’s 4 I’m still in touch with, two I got on well with. Sadly one moved away but I still see one regularly. The other two I see every couple of months and would only count as acquaintances. Definitely not a guaranteed ready made friendship group. Bit of a waste of time and money really as I didn’t rate the class content either!

The other mum friends I have, I met through a variety of different places but group classes and local mum meets ups helped. It’s still hard work at times, but I suspect that’s partly to do with being in a large city.

Thought I'd make mummy friends at NCT, but after 2 meet ups once all the babies were born we all drifted apart so no joy there. Joined all sorts of things on maternity leave, music groups, baby sensory, hartbeeps, mum and baby coffee mornings, playgroups...nada. However I have made a very good mum friend because our kids get on very well at nursery. I imagine the same may be true of school. And my older friends all have young children too anyway. It is tough, well for me it was anyway!

@FizzingWhizzbee123 haha sounds like ours. We had 8 couples... 3 of us ended up as one 'group', 3 in the other, and 2 disappeared. I did get one brilliant close friend out of it though.

My mum was new to England when she had us and to this day her closest friends are mums she met when me and my brother started primary school. She still sees them weekly now. So I don’t think you have missed the boat.