how often do grandparents visit their grandchild?

[alesha123445]

hi everyone. Ive gone on a bit so you can just skip to to the question and say how often your chilldren see each set of grandparents🤗

Im a first time mum so im not up to scratch with everything. im finding makeing sure everyone has time with my LO a bit stressful, i dont want to be selfish but im worried i have been without relising and now im feeling guilty.

When my little girl was 6 weeks lockdown happened, 1 day before i was induced we finaly moved in to our new home. We are a 2 min walk from my partners parents and 5 mins away from his entire family, its a big family. My family on the otherhand are 40mins away so lockdown made me feel very disconected and alone because im really close to them and couldnt stand at the door.

Now things have settled ive been staying at my nan and grandads for a good 3 days per week because i missed them all so much, plus im not in a good place with my partner so the space is helping.

i visit the MIL and FIL every Saturday or sunday for a couple hours.
The MIL will come round a couple times in the week but she works till 5 so i tend to be really drained and not the most talkative, sometimes i think back and relise ive been rude but ive never intended to be.

Shes been buying lots of toys for my LO to keep at hers and im starting to think its because she wants to encourage me to come round and to be involved more. Im feeling guilty because my little one sees my family 3 whole days a week, whilst they see them on the weekend.
I had an argument with my partner and have gone back to my grandparents for a couple days after already spending 2 nights there, its a saturday too so they will miss their day. There family are big on babysitting and she always seemed very excited talking about it when i was ptegnant, she has even done extra hours in work so she can bave timw iff to babysit or help out as i clean but ive never needed that. i feel like she wants to be more involved in careing for the LO but i have no interest in that.

Im getting the vibe it may be upsetting her and im feeling guilty. Have i been selfish, how many times do your kids see each set of grandparents?

We see grandparents maybe once every few weeks. We don’t use them for babysitting or childcare (DS is 3 and hasn’t spent a night away from us). I think my MIL especially would like to babysit and have DS stay over or time with him alone but it’s not something that we’ve needed so far. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer as all families are different x

Your baby, your rules. If you don’t want your MIL to babysit there’s absolutely no reason why she should have to. She gets to see the baby so she can’t be upset about a lack of contact. I find grandparents need for contact alone bizarre. I have a 6mo DD, due to lockdown & distance my DH’s family have seen her once when she was a week old & my mum has seen her once since she was 3mo.

My parents live a couple hours away but try and see DD once a month at least, my in laws are 30 mins away but they will usually appear every 6 weeks or so for half an hour. Honestly it sounds like you are spending lots of time with grandparents, too much maybe?

Do you ever have family time the three of you? It sounds like there’s maybe some relationship stuff you need to sort out with your DH before anything else. Grandparents can get overexcited sometimes but family time, the three of you, is important too x

When my parents were alive they came for Sunday lunch most weeks. They lived abroad half the year and we went out for a week during that time. Occasionally they babysat but not during the day (my parents were late 70s when my kids were born).
My in laws rarely visited. Just not interested. We would call and suggest we could visit them but it was always met with 'we'll let you know'. They lived 20 minutes away.

I see my granddaughter usually once a week, usually weekend afternoon.
Sometimes it's midweek too, depending on what we are all doing.
I think my dil parents visit a couple of times too, and both sets of gp's help with babysitting/ odd day of childcare.

Your baby, your rules. We see my parents about once a week at the moment (DD is 3), but there have been times when it has been more than this (DMum did 2 days a week of childcare when I first went back to work) and times when it has been less (they like travelling, and as they are both retired sometimes they are gone for a month or more a couple of times a year). We don’t currently have a formal arrangement, although we’re about to start my DD have a once a week visit with them as they’ll look after her when I’m in hospital having twins later this year and she has seen them very little recently because of lockdown.

My DHs family see her far less often because they live less close. DMIL has babysat for one evening and one afternoon (separate occasions). She probably sees DD about 4 times a year, but doesn’t have much time alone with her. DFIL maybe 3 times a year for a short visit, he’s not good with small kids.

Honestly, don’t make yourself feel guilty! Your child is a child, not a commodity to be shared around.

My parents live ten mins away. We see them approx 5 days a week. My son adores them and asks for them daily.
My FIL &MIL are an hour and a half away and it’s probably once a month or something.
It sounds as though your child is very young. It’s natural to want to keep her close so you shouldn’t feel obligated to leave her for babysitting etc.
But as she gets older and depending on the pressures you have in your life you may really value having people who love your child and will care for her so that you can work/rest/go out etc. I cried when I first had to leave my son for a few hours and now I really enjoy getting the time when I can. Also if your relationship is not great (which can often be the case after having a child) it may be that you and partner would really benefit from having some alone time when your child is a bit older and you are comfortable with it.
If you trust the people, and know they look after your child well then time with family is an amazing gift to give your child. But it sounds like you are mindful of that. Maybe you could casually talk to you MIL and just say that you feel
So connected with your child, and they feel
So young that you can’t imagine leaving them yet but you know that day will come, and when it does you will be grateful for her support..

My DP are 5 mins away and usually visit once a week for about an hour. Don’t use for babysitting at all due to poor health and no toys etc kept there.

MIL is an hour away and see her roughly once a month, sometimes more and sometimes less. Usually for 3-4 hours per visit. She very occasionally babysits (maybe once or twice a year). No toys etc kept at her house.

We’re really lucky I think that although both sides love seeing us and the kids, they never put any pressure on us and are very respectful of us as parents. For example I always say that unless they’re visiting for a meal, we need to be done by 5pm latest so we can try to keep to tea & bedtime routines and they’re fine with that.

They see each set of grandparents at least once a week often more. I'm currently on mat leave but prior to that each set of grandparents watched her a day while I worked too.

Now I'm on mat leave and my 3yr old goes for an overnight every wk at my parents. Can't wait for the baby to get familiar with everyone enough for her to go too 😂🙌 Shes a lockdown baby so she doesn't know anyone well enough yet.

Take whatever help she's offering. If she wants to make an arrangement to have baby once a wk for a few hours why not. Gives u some time to yourself. It's also so lovely for kids to have a gd relationship with grandparents.