Newborn baby/ visitors/ coronavirus...what would you do?

[Nellie3]

Hi all,

Apologies if this has been discussed already, I couldn't find any up to date threads about it only ones from earlier on in the pandemic.

Im a FTM and my due date is next week, and I'm feeling pretty calm about it all. My main worry is about visitors and people expecting to hold the baby etc. I've been following distancing guidelines strictly particularly since being in the 3rd trimester, my husband works in a customer facing role but washes as soon as he's home etc. We haven't had anyone come round throughout the whole period and we don't have a garden.

I'm getting messages from people already saying things like 'cant wait for newborn cuddles'. The baby will mean alot to our families and they are so excited. I want them to be involved, but I am unsure how to do this safely. Face masks? Meeting outside only? I know everyone will have a different opinion on this but I'm wondering if anyone has recently dealt with this and what worked for them? It's just not something I want to be worried about when I should be relaxing to prepare for the birth etc.

Thoughts welcome! Xxx

I had my Son 7 weeks ago we only let family grandparents an aunt & uncle, and no made sure none had travel by public transport as health visitor told us there hot spots for the virus, when people arrived at our home they washed there hands and had to wear a face mask. And they was all happy to do these things in order to meet the new addition

My baby is now 17 weeks old. He's properly met my dad - we are one another's support bubble and my dad has stayed with me for quite long periods since baby arrived. He's also met various of my friends in a socially-distanced way in outdoor settings (and would happily do the same for family, if they lived nearby which unfortunately they don't). And that's it. Nobody got newborn cuddles, I'm afraid - and he's now so long and skinny that he's the length of an average 7 month old, so that ship has rather sailed!

If you're going to follow the current guidance, then (assuming I'm up to date and haven't missed anything) other than a support bubble of a single person effectively becoming part of your household, you should still be maintaining social distance from anyone you meet up with anyway - and unfortunately that guidance doesn't include an exemption for babies. If you aren't going to follow the current guidance then I think the question you have to ask yourself is why not?

You will, ultimately, need to make your own judgement about risk - and not just to the baby, although obviously that will be a concern, but to all the family members and friends you'll be meeting up with. But, given that the local restrictions which just came into place in the last couple of days were specifically referencing indoor meetings of groups of people in homes, I'd personally say to stick to the guidance and keep social distancing in place when you meet people. I know it sucks, and I'm sure other people will disagree with me, but at the end of the day however much I might want to be able to have everyone coo over him, I feel like it's not an excuse bit to do my bit towards protecting everyone.

Best wishes for your new arrival!

I wouldn’t let anyone hold my newborn at the moment, and they should understand that. I’ve got a 6 week old niece and I always say I can’t wait for cuddles, i see her 4 times a week and haven’t cuddled her yet... but still am looking forward to it, so maybe that’s what they mean?

I have a 5 month old baby and lockdown happened just as he was tiny. He's seen people but no one has held him and I still won't let them because I just don't feel it's something people know enough about to make a definite decision. It can be said it's less risky for babies but you just don't know and I'm too worried about the risk. We've had family in the house (garden preferably where weather allows) but distanced. DS is very independent and nosy now so hates to be cuddled for long.

What I will say is people often get caught up in the moment and forget; my mum works for the NHS yet the last time I visited her, still asked for a cuddle then made it out as if I was being mean by not allowing it.

Thanks for your replies, it's good to get other people's opinions.

I know that my gut instinct agrees with you all, I just need to make sure me and my partner have enough backbone to tell people what we expect and not just assume they will do the right thing. Someone very close to me in my family has openly said they've been staying over at friends houses and not distancing atall with their friends etc. It upset me a bit as I know how excited they've been about the baby, but I just don't think I can justify letting them come in to my home when they have been so exposed to people. I'm feeling vulnerable emotionally (just being pregnant in general!) and need to stop worrying about this until the time comes. 1 week to go and I need to distract myself and concentrate on my little family xxx

We're due this month and have said to close family that if they want to meet close up then they need to isolate for two weeks first. All the grandparents are happy to comply with this, fortunately! Everyone else will have to wait or meet at a distance outside.

We should have newborn any time now. We are following the guidance, so no one who doesn't live in this house is getting to hold him. Well other than necessary contact with HCPs obviously.

I'm certain that MIL and my mum will be demanding and irritating. But they can bugger off. It's not their call.

We have allowed our parents to hold the baby (she is 4 months now) but not other friends/relatives. Meet people outside if you can. Dont even make it a discussion. "We would love for you to come over and meet baby in the garden" - no "hope that's OK" or "sorry", just state it as a fact.

It’s your job to protect your baby. You do need to get more assertive. If people want to come and visit and you don’t feel comfortable it’s fine to say so. It’s equally fine to say people can visit but they won’t be holding the baby.

Guidelines are still to maintain 1m plus. That means no one (unless necessary) should be closer than 1m to your baby if they are wearing a mask or 2m if they are not.

Newborns have under developed immune systems so I wouldn’t risk it.

@KitKatastrophe good idea about how to word it. We live really near a lovely park so think we will be spending lots of time there! People seem to think babies are exempt from the rules but surely if anything they are more at risk, and also risky to people holding them. Thanks for all your responses everyone xxx

It’s not that they think babies are exempt. It’s that they think their desire to hold a baby is a special case, and (in some cases) some sort of right.

Definitely don’t apologize in any way for social distancing with a tiny baby.

Also really struggling with what to do/say to our family when the time comes! As another poster mentioned above, the guidelines are still to socially distance even when meeting inside someone’s house. Myself and partner have been following this so I don’t know why family members are assuming that we wont apply the same rules to our newborn and why we feel pressured to not enforce this! No one has said this out loud but I know they are expecting to be able to hold the baby, I wish we’d been stricter at the beginning and just said that we will be isolating until we feel comfortable but we’ve muddied the waters by trying to appease family!! We haven’t committed to anything but have said things like we will assess when the baby arrives and suggested potential scenarios that might make us feel comfortable (e.g wear a mask, hand wash, change of clothes etc).

I just wish people would just say to us don’t worry we are not expecting to hold the baby but if your comfortable with us visiting from a distance then let us know. Rather than making us feel guilty and pressured and asking us if we’ve decided what we are going to do yet!!

I’m not due until November but my family will be happy to self isolate for two weeks before seeing the baby. Not up for negotiation if things are still how they are now!