Step-parent overstepping boundaries??

[BrookeLively]

So I am a step mum of 3 kids (18, 15 and 10) and the eldest recently passed her driving test. As a reward me and DH bought her a car but mum seems to disagree and has said that I'm not allowed to do that (even though it was from me and DH)! She is not saying that I am trying to become their mum and talks badly about me to the kids. Am I in the wrong??

To me it sounds like she's feeling left out our bad
that she wasn't able to contribute. She's not handling it in a very nice way though and would be better to just be honest and say he true feelings. It was a very kind gesture of both you and your dh. But perhaps it might have been better if it came from all of you - including the mum and possibly her partner.

Did you and oh discuss such a gift with the mother beforehand?

If not, it could feel like an overstep and as though you've purposely wished to trump the mother!

You've done nothing wrong. Very kind of you to contribute. Mum possibly feels jealous/embarrassed she hasn't contributed/been able to do so. Just an aside - who paid for the driving lessons? If this was you and DH then even worse for her to be on her high horse. Your DSD is an adult at 18 and her Mum cannot dictate what is done towards her.

@Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo

You've done nothing wrong. Very kind of you to contribute. Mum possibly feels jealous/embarrassed she hasn't contributed/been able to do so. Just an aside - who paid for the driving lessons? If this was you and DH then even worse for her to be on her high horse. Your DSD is an adult at 18 and her Mum cannot dictate what is done towards her.

Cannot dictate, but a conversation would have cost nothing. But have maintained a cordial relationship.

There isn't a cordial relationship based on what OP has said on how Mum bad mouths her to the DSC. DSD is an adult. Conversations should happen with her now. Mum does not get to hold all the cards here. Its so nice to have a step parent who clearly has good relationships with the children. Yet still can be told is in the wrong for doing a lovely thing.