Hi sorry for the long post.
Myself and XDH have been separated and divorced since DS was three months old and DD 19 months old. The DC have always lived with me and seen him every other weekend and one night in the week. DD stopped going to see XDH 2 years ago because she didn’t feel comfortable there XDH has always blamed me and said that I stopped her going when in fact I’ve always encouraged her to go and done my best to reassure her we even went to CAMHS and they said the XDH need to make more of an effort and that at the time DD was 11 and was getting to the stage where she was old enough to make her own decisions.
Anyway for the first seven weeks of lockdown XDH didn’t see DS at all as we were all isolating, then I was called back to work as a key worker and DC went to school in the key worker provision DS hated it and decided to go and stay with XDH as he was working from home. Since then which is about a month ago DS has not been home much he has decided that he wants to spend more time with XDH which I have said is okay DS is 12 years old so I want to support him in any decision he wants to make. However I strongly feel that XDH is manipulating DS into staying with him he keeps buying him new designer clothes taking him on expensive days out letting him stay up late even let him drink a beer. XDH has always paid the same amount of maintenance for the children for the last 12 years I have never questioned this as although his income has gone up considerably I was just happy that it was regular and I could rely on it. Today he has decided that as DS is “living” with him now we have one child each and therefore he shouldn’t have to pay maintenance anymore he has stopped the maintenance. This agreement with DS Staying with XDH is only temporary for the summer holidays and DS has said that from September when he is back at school he wants to spend half the time with me and half the time with XDH. I have called the child maintenance service today for advice and they have said that as I am still in receipt of the child benefit he should still be paying me child maintenance I said I don’t want any maintenance for DS at the moment because he is spending more time with XDH and I have even offered to pay XDH the maintenance that I should be paying him which is minimal because my income is minimal and I have three children living at my house anyway. staying with XDH is only temporary for the summer holidays and DS has said that from September when he’s back at school he wants to spend half the time with me and half the time with XDH.
I have called the child maintenance service today for advice and they have said that as I am still in receipt of the child benefit he should still be paying me child maintenance I said I don’t want any maintenance for DS at the moment because he is spending more time with XDH and I have even offered to pay XDH the maintenance that I should be paying him which is minimal because my income is minimal and I have three children living at my house anyway I have said I want to maintenance for DD as she is with me full-time and never goes to stay at her dads I have ended up making a claim with CMS.
This all just feels awful we were supposed to be going away this weekend but now XDH has made my son feel guilty as he had also booked a day trip for him to go to a waterpark so now DS is not coming away with us for the weekend as planned. I know that There is nothing I can do about this unless I win the lottery and can go to court to fight it XDH’s new wife is a family lawyer so she would wipe the floor with me anyway I’m sure I think I just need to sound off don’t really know what to do I’m just upset I miss my son I want him to come home but with his dad dripping poison in his ear constantly I can’t see that ever happening now.