Failed breastfeeding

[Sarahb1991]

Hi,

I only managed to feed
My first child the first couple of feeds and was worried she wasn't getting enough so switched to formula, I have beaten myself up about this ever since and she is 3 now, has anybody been in a similar situation as everybody I seem to speak to keep saying it is not a big deal, it really is to me!

Xx

You have succeeded feeding your child!
You have succeeded in trying if that's what you wanted to do!
And the first colostrum feeds are the most nutritious so you have succeeded doing the best to your baby!

However I think you are failing by beating yourself up over it! Quit the loser attitude and realise how well you are doing otherwise you will literally never win!

Oh gosh OP. I know exactly how you feel. It’s absolute horrible. I tried to bf but had a horrid MW and in the second day she told me that my DD looked skinny and to give her formula. I didn’t know any better then and it was a slippery slope to not producing milk because she was getting formula.
I almost burst into tears seeing other mums bf and felt such a failure. The thing is, I have come to realise that I wasn’t a failure. I was failed and so we’re you! Not nearly enough correct advice is freely given to new mums who want to bf. Culturally we don’t tend to grow up around bf women and it’s not freely talked about growing up or as young adults. We don’t hear much from our mothers about supply issues, how much baby needs to suck, that you won’t see any colostrum coming out, what signs too look for (ie swollowing sounds and colour of poo).
There is still so little real free support (even though it’s improved greatly in recent years) in the very early days after birth.
Please try to put it out of your mind now. You did the best you could with what you had at the time. You gave it a go even for only the first day!
You are a caring and protective mum doing the best for your child.
If you have any more children and want to bf, my advice is to research, research, research before they are born and when bf afterwards. Kelly mom and la Lache league. Don’t be fobbed off next time and have confidence in your feeding abilities and back that up by research! It worked out a little better for me the second time around.
Please be kind to yourself op

You've not failed, there's a huge industry that aims to make people believe their milk isn't good enough and it's been going on for a long time.

@SnuggyBuggy what industry is that?

The formula industry of course.

I get that formula is sometimes medically indicated though.

The formula industry of course.

It’s the pressure that women are put under by those who think breastfeeding is the be all and end all that is to blame for mothers feeling guilty, not the formula industry.

Oh the formula industry definitely plays its part!

@Sarahb1991 I've been exactly where you are only my DS is 16! I breastfed first 3 days and were we them readmitted to hospital as he was severely dehydrated and was formula fed from then on. I felt guilt for many many years, even though it turned out he had a massive tongue tie (which I eventually got sorted when he was 5 months old) that the nurses and drs wouldn't deal with at the time
I've now had a DD who will be 3 months next week, she too had a tongue tie, this one posterior and the lactation consultants have advised an extremely high palate. I've been breastfeeding since day 1 but have struggled with her latch despite support and with weight loss and poor weight gain she does have formula top ups. Now I really really felt like I had failed again until she started putting on weight.

I have to reflect that with DS he would have got some colostrum, he is now over 6ft tall and an amazingly bright lad, no one ever asks him how he was fed as a baby. DD is still combi feeding, she is now putting on weight and is a lovely happy girl. Even though I'm not exclusively breastfeeding she will be getting some benefit from my milk.
If you are having your little one in hospital, really pull on them for feeding support and talk about your feelings. Also get the details of a feeding consultant (they usually have one attached to the hospital) so you have someone to call when things get tough at home, hopefully they are opening up to face to face visits as mine were all by video call which is not the same.

The formula industry obviously has an interest in encouraging people to believe their own breastmilk isn't working and they therefore need to buy a product. All commercial industries work by convincing people they need their products and the formula industry is worth billions.

I wouldn't frame it as you having failed. YOU were failed, by the lack of support out there for bf. With the right support it is very unlikely you would have been put in a situation where you are worrying about whether baby is getting enough. I would be angry at the system for failing you, not guilty.

Please don't feel like you have failed.

Your baby is fed and happy and that is all that matters. The emotions behind breastfeeding are so strong and overpowering and make you feel horrendous.

I lasted 4 days breastfeeding with my first. I just couldn't do it. It hurt so much and I just couldn't carry on.

With my 2nd, I breastfed for 3 months. The truth was that it was actually a million times harder than I had imagined. I was up all hours of the night, my boobs really hurt, my baby was never full, I didn't have any free time to spend with my eldest child as I was always on the sofa feeding my little one, I felt like a constant milking machine with very little time to myself. Finally went on to formula and it was the best decision I've ever made, but the feeling of guilt was like nothing I'd ever felt before. It was such a strong, overpowering emotion. I sobbing my heart out for about a month before making peace with my decision and moving on.

Do not feel any guilt for making the right decision for you and your baby. Sometimes breastfeeding isn't all it's cracked up to be.

The formula industry didn’t play any part at all in my difficulties with breastfeeding. I wasn’t even aware of the “industry” when I was struggling to breastfeed and didn’t know the first thing about formula if I’m honest - I just assumed that I’d be able to breastfeed. It was the “breast is best” contingent who made me feel like crap about myself when I couldn’t.