MIL comparing Daughter to her family

[namesall]

So my 3 year old Daughter looks just like her Dad's side of the family. It's all I heard from my MIL when she was born. It p*ssed me off but couldn't really argue as it was true.

She hasn't mentioned it for a couple of years, and I've just had another baby that is my double. Suddenly that's all she's talking about is how the eldest one looks like her side, her personality is just like her Daughter, the way she sits (yes, really) is just like her uncle from about 100 years ago (not even sure how she would know how he sat & she was literally just sitting like a normal kid).

She will say "oh does anyone in your family have really long, toned legs", I'll just look at her a bit confused and then she'll say "oh well her Dad had legs exactly like that when he was younger".

She points out really normal stuff that no one would ever think of comparing. Why would anyone do this?! She is driving me up the wall!!!

She points out really normal stuff that no one would ever think of comparing.

Well it depends really. My DD has my MIL's long, skinny legs and very small feet for her height! Perhaps other people wouldn't notice but I do. Kids change constantly as they grow, too, so you always see different aspects of different family members (assuming they're biologically related of course) plus lots of things you can't put your finger on at all.

If you're tired of talking about it then just change the subject. I can imagine it might be boring to discuss it the whole time, though personally I could talk about my DCs all day .

Oh it's not that it bores me, I love talking about her.

It's just the fact that every single comparison is about her side of the family. As though she has nothing similar to me at all. Just makes me feel as if I'm not even her Mum.

That sounds so draining and annoying.... I would make over dramatic reactions or look oddly at her and say “well she is related to her dad so it’s not that surprising is it?!”

Both sides of my family do that about both of my children. They never look like me though apparently.

Well, does your MIL know any of your relatives and what they looked like as babies? It makes sense she'd compare them to people she knows rather than people she doesn't. I think you're taking this a little too personally!

If it's bothering you that much, next time she does it mention something about your DC that's similar to someone on your side.

My dad does this, at 85 years old. All the best qualities are from his side of the family, anything questionable from my mother’s side. 🙄

It can get very annoying. My ILS are quite like this. By the end I just started saying ' nope I don't see it' if they compared dc to random extended family on their side who bear absolutely no resemblance to them. That seemed to stop it being so constant. It's tedious

I get this. My DS is a red head as is my MIL but also my own DM. DS pokes his tongue out when he concentrates as did his dad when he was little according to MIL but also as I still do. To be honest, I just smile and nod at it all now but I do get how it makes you feel as I slightly feel she thinks my part in my DC’s genetic make up is irrelevant!

My MIL does this, only about my DS. In fact, DS and DD are exactly like me, though DS has my husband’s blue eyes. In all other regards they are entirely alike, and just like me. If you do a Faceswap on a photo of the two of them, it looks no different.

But still, “He’s just like Simon was!”. Why never about DD?? It’s odd.

My ILs are the opposite- DD is the absolute spitting image of my MIL (who is lovely), but all they say is that she looks like her own person.

I know they do it so I don’t feel weird having birthed MIL’s clone but it’s clear to anyone who has eyes, including me, that there’s a very striking resemblance.

My MIL was like this. In the end I got out some of my old baby photos and showed her the similarities between my DD and me at the same age. I said "She has so many similarities to both me and DH which is what you'd expect as we're both her parents, isn't it?". She seemed to get the message and stop going on about it after that.

This would annoy me too!

Make a joke along the lines of "oh thats funny he isn't even the father" and see if that shuts her up for a bit

Just say ooh I see my Gran in her just her little " traits" she is her double isnt it funny how we all see them different on repeat then forget about it.

SIL is always banging in about DD having her families eyes. They're very blue, yes, but so are mine and my dads.

I let her have it though since DD is almost my clone, so it's nice if they feel like DH contributed some DNA somewhere :)

I do think DDs hair will eventually darken to match their side though.

My mil told me that no one would believe my dd was mine as looks nothing like me only like her ds 🙄 almost 7 years on my dd looks very like me, but I remember being upset by the comment as a ftm.... her comments about both kids just wash over me now.

I know what you mean, mine did this and with some ridiculous things too.
Luckily, I'm into DNA and ancestry so I just got her back with comments about how little DNA the kids would share with great uncle Ted, and asked her how she knew which genes had been passed down.
She soon stopped it.
Make a joke of it with her, so if it's her or her dh (supposing he's your dh father) say wow all these are a lot of similarities for the 25 % you share.

It's a bit of jealousy.
IME paternal grandmother always carry a bit of a inferiority complex.
She'll be insanely jealous of your 'side' so tries to grasp on to something- anything that she can to claim the child in some warped way whilst excluding you.
( Controversial but definitely true)

My MIL does this! 2 of my daughters are nothing like me but one is like me in every way. Looks, attitude you name it and yet she says she looks like her father 🙄 She is the only person who insists she's nothing like me in the 12 years I've had DD. I think its just petty stuff..Some people are like that

My mil is like this. My dd actually does take a lot after her father who does look like his mum so dd does look very similar to mil.
I have to hear ‘you look just like me!!!’ Every time mil is over. Thankfully, mil is normally a lovely person so i try not to make much of it even though her over excitement over it irritates me.
My sisters mil is even worse and insists that my niece is exactly like my my sisters sil. She gets ‘you look just like your Aunty J! Oh Aunty J loved drawing, just like you! You’re such a busy bee, just like Aunty J. You like Cake, just like Aunty J!’
It drives her mad.

My MIL once said to me “I feel sorry for you because your kids don’t look like you” when actually they have a lot of my family’s physical traits.

That’s OK though because now I feel sorry for her because I invite her over as little as possible.

Surely both sides of the family do this and claim grandchildren look like their side? Me and DH find it hilarious, everyone on my side insists DD is the double of me (she's not) and everyone on DH's side insists she looks the spitting imagine of him (she doesn't). She's 2 and so far seems like quote a mix of us both. We just find it funny. I'm glad people care enough to comment.

DH’s family are like this. It’s really quite annoying.

MIL in particular is always going on about his DH looks like her (or her niece or whatever) and they both go on and on about how DSD looks just like them. This leads to incredible favouritism from MIL towards DSD at the expense of DSS (who looks like his mother, albeit with the exact bodily proportions of DH).

The thing is, DSD just doesn’t look as much like either of them as they seem to think she does. I’ve seen the comparison photos (MIL always brings them out). DSD has the same colouring as DH and MIL, and a similar mouth. But her ears look very much like FIL’s and many of her features actually look like DSS (so like her mother). Her eyes are the same colour as DH’s but the same shape as DSS; they have exactly the same nose, cheeks and chin (exactly like their mother). I suspect DSD’s bodily proportions probably look a lot like her mum’s at the same age too.

It’s just weird to me how they completely ignore any resemblance between DSD and her mother (to the point of denial - DH will not accept that both children have identical pointy chins, but they so clearly do) and also ignore any resemblance between DSS and his father (they have the same shape of eyebrows, even if they are different colours, for example). I just don’t understand it.

As you’d expect, my kids look like a mix of me and their father, and as a result mostly look like themselves. The DSC are the same - they look like themselves, with some features like both parents. Obviously that’s the case. So why insist that one is the second coming of MIL and the other is a minature version of his mother?

I’ve had to tell DH off several times for commenting that looking at DSS is like looking at his ex. Especially as it affects how he treats him and interprets his behaviour. I often have to say ‘no. It’s like looking at DSS and he’s just being a typical, stubborn three year old’. (And more frustrating that DH is SO lenient with DSD - whose behaviour is much worse, not least as she’s much older than DSS - because he thinks its like looking into his own eyes etc). He needs to treat them as just themselves and respond to the actual behaviour itself in age appropriate ways.

Maybe say well lets hope she doesn't grow up to be a massive bore like her granny!

I had this constantly from my ILs. I once commented very gently that of course the children also looked a bit like my side and my FIL just snarled “prove it”! So next time they visited I showed them photos side by side of DS and my brother at the same age (absolutely spitting image). He thought it was DH, didn’t realise it was my brother. I let him go on about the likeness for about five minutes before telling him. Petty but very satisfying.

Unless she’s being rude or mean in anyway, she’s just looking for a connection to her really...

I remember being at my friends and her MIL commenting that it made sense that the baby had a bit of red in her brown hair as her mother (baby’s great granny) had red hair... her DIL, the baby’s mum has red hair!! Lol

The MIL is a nice woman, they get on well, it was more funny than anything else tbh.