Extreme anxiety over newborn

[slinkyjojee]

Please can someone tell me I’m not alone. I just need a bit of a handhold. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for years but this is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. My sweet DD is 4 weeks old. While I was pregnant I had this overwhelming fear of birth and I was convinced one of us would die. The birth was actually fine and once she was here I was convinced I was going to lose her somehow. She was jaundiced and I completely freaked out. I was so sure it was going to take her away from me. She recovered just fine and from the minute we got home I became obsessed with SIDS. I don’t let her out of my sight. I hardly sleep. Everything she does completely overwhelms me with fear. She rolls her eyes back when she is sleepy or in REM sleep, sometimes she twitches a bit too and I’ve convinced myself she has some sort of lethal epilepsy. It just looks so scary when she does it and she does it often. I feel like I can’t breathe because of the anxiety. I’m worried that she sleeps too much. I’m worried about the noises she makes. I’m just so adamant something is going to take her from me I almost feel too scared to love her too much incase something happens to her. I called my HV today and she wasn’t much help, told me to call my GP. Called the GP and they have no appointments for two weeks. I haven’t eaten in two days, I can’t sleep, I have a constant lump in my throat and I’m gagging from the terror I feel right now. How do I feel better? Please tell me this will pass. I stopped my antidepressants when DD was born because I was worried about them affecting her somehow. Strangely, this is my fourth DC and I never felt like this with my first three. My last baby before her was born 8 years ago so there is a big gap. I feel like a can’t function right now, I’m such a mess. DH is back at work and I’m home alone with the children. I’m just not coping.

Oh sweetie, that sounds awful. Sending you huge hugs.

I think you need to call the GP back and ask for an emergency appointment as you need some support to cope with all these thoughts and feelings. Even if it’s a telephone consultation. Impress on them that you are 4 weeks post partum and your HV has said you need an appointment.

You also need to consider taking your medication again. They didn’t impact her when she was in your tummy, and they won’t impact her now.

Does you DH know how awful you are feeling at the moment?

You poor thing, I remember the terror so well. There were certain babygrows I wouldn’t put my baby in due to an irrational fear those would be the ones he would die in. He came to me after years of infertility and miscarriage and I was always scared that something was too good to be true, that he would die or have some awful health condition. It was exhausting and robbed me of so much joy.
I’m so sorry you have had less than satisfying responses from your hv and Gp. Awful. My advice would be to phone gp and tell them it is urgent and you want an immediate call back, and go back on your antidepressants (sertraline is compatible with breastfeeding). It sounds like you need a break from these intrusive thoughts and fears and I can assure you that antidepressants will not harm your baby - the quantities getting into the milk are absolutely negligible - and you deserve to enjoy this special time without living in such acute fear.

Thank you both for replying. I have spoken to my DH about how I feel but I haven’t been as open as I was on my post. I don’t want him to worry. He is self employed and with COVID he just can’t take anymore time off. We’re already suffering financially. @Puddlelane123 I’m so sorry you’ve been through this too. It really is robbing me of so much joy. At first I felt so much love for her but now when I look at her I just feel terror. You’re both right, I think I need to go back on my meds. I called the GP back and they’ve said to call back at 8am tomorrow to try and get a same day appointment.

Sorry you're having such a tough time. Call the GP first thing and tell them that you urgently need to speak to someone - I found telling the receptionist that I was a new mum usually helped get an appointment as did weeping on the phone.

Have you got any family or a friend who could come over and give you a break so you could get some rest?

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this @slinkyjojee

I dont know much about these things, but I have been feeling anxious since dd was born and have been doing some research.

As well as postnatal depression, there is something called postnatal or perinatal anxiety, and this can start in pregnancy or after birth. I hadnt heard of this before, and I just thought it was worth mentioning.

There is some information about it on the MIND website and there is also a number- could be worth a call to talk to someone? But I would definately call your gp again and stress that it is urgent and you need support.x

I agree with weeping on the phone and telling the receptionist you're a new mum. You can take ADs and breastfeed, and if you think it will help you absolutely should. Don't let anxiety steal your time with your lovely new baby.