Routine/schedule?? Help - FTM and clueless

[Atticus500]

My DD will be 10 weeks at the end of this week and she has absolutely no routine or pattern of any kind when it comes to feeling and napping/sleeping. I thought this was normal and have been trying to go with it; but everywhere else on MN I read about routines, PP say things like “10.30am feed” and “afternoon nap” and we have nowhere near this level of pattern/routine. She is BF and eats whenever, sleeps whenever (normally doesn’t nap much at all in the day) and is generally very erratic. Some days there’s a nap, others there’s none; some days I get a break from BF for 5 mins, others I’m glued to the sofa. How do I get routine?? She has a bedtime routine but this is a little hit and miss. What sort of plans should I be making for the day? Should I wake her from naps and only feed at certain times? I’m very confused.

Firstly, breathe.

But secondly, I didn’t have any sort of routine until DS was at least 6 months. We just fed/slept whenever needed.

I personally don’t see the need for a routine until they’re older. It just stresses mums out, which it clearly has done with you

DS is 8 weeks and has a bit of a bedtime routine but that's about it. I try to not let him sleep after 6.30pm, he gets his pjs on at 7.30ish and then will go to bed between 8 and nine. But we have no routine during the day. He eats and sleeps every couple of hours and plays and chats in between but it's entirely dependant on when he gets up and how tired he is.

My DS only has a 'routine' because he has older siblings, so therefore has to fit in around them (school run, clubs etc). One thing it has been good for is helping him learn day from night. He tends to get up and dressed the same time as us and is awake for a bit, naps during and immediately after the school run, feeds on waking, awake and feeding early afternoon, then big nap before school run, then awake on and off before bedtime around 6:30,fed, bath, feed and bed.

Are you happy with not having a routine? If not you might want to create a bit of structure to your day by factoring in some walks/errands /activities and then developing his routine from that. Also, only start with one bit of it first, for example regularly getting him dressed in the morning, or regularly having a bath before bed. Then its not too much all in one go which will be really stressful and too much to manage.

At this age there's no need to worry about schedules. I remember someone asking if me if my 3 month old had a schedule yet and I wanted to clout them round the head, they caught me on a bad day! I think at around 6/7 months we started to get ourselves into a schedule. If I tried any earlier I would only get stressed about it.

I'd recommend just going with the flow for now and appreciate not having to tie your plans into your baby's schedule. Now I have a toddler who must do things at certain times of the day, I'm quite jealous of friends with babies who don't have to stick to a routine.

My 17 week old has a feeding schedule which he's fallen into by himself. It seems to work so I just gently nudge the day to keep him on it. He has a bedtime routine of bath/bottle/bed which can start anytime between 5 and 6ish. I wouldnt worry too much about it. I tried to impose a routine onto my son and it just made for an unhappy baby. I believe they just kind of fall into their own routine when they're ready

She's so young OP. Everything you have said sounds absolutely normal. As she gets older, you'll start to see her own pattern emerge, and you can plan a bit more around that if a routine is important to you. You sound like you're doing really well actually, breastfeeding on demand etc. It is perfect for baby and very good for your supply. We never tried for a routine with any of ours, as I would find it incompatible with responsive feeding. But the gaps between feeds do get longer eventually, and a nap pattern will start to emerge too. Go with what feels right for you and don't worry about what other people appear to be doing. Their circumstances will probably be very different to yours. They may work or have other children etc. Also, there is a big difference between breastfed and formula fed babies regarding feeding patterns etc, so comparisons are unhelpful. Go with the flow....you sound like you're doing a wonderful job!

I found that when I tracked my baby's sleep and feeds with an app, a pattern became evident that I hadn't recognised so easily without being able to see it all laid out. So, you might try that if you aren't already doing it, as a starting point to getting to grips with things.

That said, I don't really get those very precise timings for things that some people seen to do, though. Like, I know he'll sleep roughly X amount of time after waking up, and have a predictable number of naps a day, and eat for roughly the same amount of time. But the exact timings vary (and, indeed, change over time).

If your baby really isn't napping, she must be getting awfully overtired, surely?

I have 3 DC and none of them had any sort of routine until they were at least 6 months old! I kept them downstairs in the evening until I was ready to go to bed (usually about 10pm), sometimes they would sleep all evening, sometimes they would be awake for a couple of hours... they each found their own pattern by about 8 months. I really wouldn't stress about it, OP. One thing I have learned from having 3 babies is that they are all different, there is no "one size fits all", just let your little one figure out what suits them.

Ohh please don't worry about routines. People on the internet are mental and not at all how parents are in real life! If I could go back and give myself one piece of advice it would be to relax, just enjoy my baby and follow my instincts. No routines or schedules needed. Especially not when breastfeeding. It sounds like you are doing a great job xx

Do you NEED a routine? I think you can nudge your child towards one if you really want to, but it’s hard work so only do it if you feel it would be in YOUR benefit. I’ve heard that most babies start to develop their “own” routine at about 16 weeks, which held true for my DD. Suddenly there seemed to be a bit of a pattern to when she seemed hungry/tired, and I just followed her cues and we sort of found ourselves in a routine that worked for us. As number of feeds/naps became less, the routine became progressively more settled.

Days with no naps at 10 weeks does sound a bit unusual to me though! My DD was always a catnapper, but she never went totally without.

It depends on the baby! Mine was so miserable until we started a routine at 8 weeks and I feel it saved me. Also gave us our evenings back as he slept through the night. But if you and your baby are happy, why change things? I have a newborn baby now and am anticipating getting him into a routine too but only if/when I feel lile it will beneficial. If no routine is working for us, that's fine too.