2 weeks in and I want to give up already

[gamer33]

I have a newborn and I'm finding it completely overwhelming. I already feel like I've made a huge mistake and I want to go back in time, I feel awful for saying it. Everything is endless and I feel I'm never going to get any peace. I miss my quiet time with my husband and just sitting doing nothing with no cares. I now just sit on the sofa crying waiting for my baby to wake for the next feed or nappy change. People keep saying it gets better at different stages but then I see people still struggling a year and more down the line. It just seems endless and hopeless...

It is hard work having a baby and the new born state is really quite relentless! But even though its still tiring as the baby gets older it'll get longer and longer between the feeds and nappy changes and more rewarding as the baby interacts with you.
Also once the baby gets a more set bedtime (mine was 6 months but lots are younger) you get evenings back to chill out with the hubby or do whatever you like.
Have you got support from others to hold the baby so you can nap / have some time to yourself a bit?

I really feel for you. I have absolutely felt like this. It’s such a massive, overwhelming change, and you’re now at the point where the adrenaline has worn off and it’s starting to become the new reality.

I’ll say this: it will still be a struggle in different ways further down the line, but you are in the thick of it. Those early days are absolutely relentless and exhausting, and you’re likely still recovering from the birth. Soon things will settle down and your baby will start giving back with smiles, and then you’ll get into a bit of a groove with it all. We worked hard with all our children to establish a good bedtime, which means that all three are in bed between 7-7.30pm and we have our evenings together. We were able to do that around six months, and it makes a big difference.

If you continue to struggle, please speak to your health visitor or GP. What you’re experiencing is really common and I promise no one will judge you, but they may be able to offer some help if you’re past ‘baby blues’ and actually experiencing PND.

It is absolutely ok and normal to feel like this. I really thought I was ready for a baby. Then I had one and wanted to take it back to the hospital within a few days. Honestly the newborn stage can be so so rubbish. Loads of hard work and exhaustion for no pay off and what actually feels like cruel and unusual punishment. I promise you it does get better. They start to smile and laugh and move. Before you know it parenting is the best thing in the world!

Having a newborn is massively overwhelming and you're absolutely not alone in how you're feeling. My DD is now 16 months but when I think back to those first few weeks they passed by in a blur. I barely functioned and cried so many times over things that now seem so inconsequential but it passed and we found our stride and little by little things weren't quite so overwhelming. I've no real advice as every baby and every one is different (I used to like a nice soak in the bath with a trashy magazine to feel like me again but this is my friends idea of hell) but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone and despite what you probably think you aren't a terrible mum you're just finding your feet in a world that is so very different for you now.

The newborn part is no fun at all. Some people love it, I have never enjoyed it. It’s a constant round of feeding and changing and worry with nothing back, you’re knackered emotionally and physically. With subsequent children I coped much better with the newborn part because I knew it would get better and everything would be ok. With my first, I didn’t know this and was in a constant state of worry and anxiety especially with the “enjoy every precious minute” brigade. It does get better, I’d say from 8 weeks things start to settle down and the baby starts reacting to you and it feels more like an interaction. Even if people are struggling a year down the line, it’s a different kind of struggle, it becomes a much more rewarding struggle. Be really kind to yourself and don’t be afraid to ask for help. I remember someone saying to me how those first few months flies by... I never found that it flew by... Try and get out of the house every day, that definitely helped me.

The newborn stage is a shock, my only advice is your only job is look after you and your baby. Don’t worry about the house, your husband, anything you are missing- you get all that time back soon enough. Just rest as much as you can, exhaustion is debilitating, you can’t think clearly, you can’t rationalise. Eat well, rest up and try and not think of anything else but the present. Good luck x

It does get better and you will get all those things back in time, but for now just keep the baby alive and lower your expectations of everything else.

I found the newborn phase horrendous and at the time it felt like time stood still. With hindsight, things started to improve relatively quickly (8 weeks?). Sleep got better, baby stopped crying all the time etc.

We got our evenings back at around 4 or 5 months. I know that sounds like a long time to you now, but just get through one day at a time and soon enough a month will go by, then another.

You can't go back in time. The only way is forward and it will get better.

Oh I feel for you. It's so tough.
Im out the other side of it now and it's lovely. Babies are great. Newborns are such hardwork.

If you need support for your mood be honest with your health visitor. I had really good mental health support when I spoke up, I just wished I'd done it sooner.

Hang in there OP, it really is hard in those early days but it does get better! How you are feeling is normal at this early stage. My DD is nearly 8 months and is an absolute joy now, but I shed a lot of tears in the early days feeling completely overwhelmed by her and trying to recover from a difficult birth.

It gets easier the older they get, especially when they start interacting with you. Now she can sit up and play independently, and most importantly she has a regular bedtime so we have a bit of time to ourselves in the evening.

I know “give it time” probably isn’t what you want to hear but you are still finding your feet and it will be so much easier in a few weeks!! But definitely reach out to your GP or health visitor if you feel like you can’t cope

Please get some help froM your HV / midwife / GP as it doesn't have to feel like this I promise

I definitely felt like you after my first. I really really regretted having a child. I felt like that for months. I struggled with how much my identity changed after having a child. I can reassure you that he is now a delightful 21 month old who I adore and I even decided to go through it all again and now have a 2 week old!
Honestly, the only thing that worked for me was going back to work. I went back at 10 months post partum bit with hindsight I should have gone back earlier for my mental health. This time I'm intending to go back after 5 months instead. With every milestone I found my son was easier though and things do get better. It's so so tough at the time though isn't it. Can you get any help of someone to look after the baby a bit during the day while you nap / do something for yourself?

@gamer33 I felt exactly this when my DD was a newborn. She's now 2.

It is so, so hard. I remember thinking "why does every mum look like they are enjoying this...I am HATING this!!! I want my old life back!!!"

At about 8 weeks it started to get easier as we got into a routine.

You will get there and my goodness - you will feel like you can do anything after and also - one really positive thing is that you won't worry about the small things that you used to pre baby...those things at work...etc etc!

One bit of advice - try and get out of the house for a half hour walk each day if you can. Wrap bub up in the pram and just walk in the fresh air. And nap or in my case - lie down when the baby sleeps. Cup of tea, biscuit and a trashy magazine. Works wonders!

Good luck -

I totally felt the same at 2 weeks. I can remember thinking that it was going to be 18 years before I could get shot of him and the relentlessness of it. I think what always gets me is that you CAN'T give up, because that little person needs you and no one else is going to take care of them.

I think the baby blues are supposedly 'normal' for up to two weeks, but if you keep feeling this way, please talk to your HV (or midwife if you've not been discharged) or GP. Look after yourself. The baby can cry for a few minutes so that you can get a shower/go to the toilet/have something to eat. I always made sure that I had 3 meals a day, a shower and brushed my teeth at least once. Another one of my mum friends said that she always put on make up because it made her feel semi human. Prioritize sleep, even if that's dumping the baby on your husband the minute he gets home so you can have a nap. You need to look after you to look after another person.

It got a lot easier at 8 weeks, I think that I'd stopped crying every day by that point. It was still hard at a year, and it's still hard at 21 months (although he seems to have got a lot easier in the last month or two). I still feel like I've ruined my life but you just keep going with it because you're a mum and you have to, and there's something amazing about that.