Newborn, everything seems endless

[Mum2213]

I have a newborn and after the first week I've started realising how endless being a mum is. I can't see an end to anything or a time where I'm going to have any free time, even to just sleep. People have said that the newborn stage doesn't last long, but what about after that?? Can't help thinking 'what have I done?' 🙁

You're right, it's all consuming when they first arrive but it does settle down and you will get into a little routine with baby where things like feeds and naps are a bit more predictable.

These early days (probably the first 6 weeks at least) are for cuddles and feeding and getting to know each other.

It does pass but try to enjoy it while it lasts.

Thank you

We had our evenings back by about 3 months, and by 6 months she was napping in the day in her cot, so we get several hours a day to ourselves.

It is completely relentless at first but it does get easier. For us we got our evenings back about 4 months and she started napping properly around 6 months. Both those things made a huge difference. Are you BF? Although I've loved doing it that was the part that I wished someone had warned me about just how constant it was in the beginning.

Newborns are so hard because everything is brand new. They don’t know what they want, you don’t know what they want.
I found it got much easier when they hit the infant stage (like 4 months). Schedules are in place, you know each other better, they also react more and are more fun so there’s a reward for all of the hard.
Soon you’ll get into a rhythm together. You start to adjust and find your new normal, for me with my first it happened between 1 and 3 months, we just kinda got into the new swing of things and were able to enjoy each other. I learned my baby's language so to speak. What's she was like when happy/content, her weird little triggers, the best way to hold her during different parts of the day...
In no time, this will be a memory. It will seem like forever ago because things change so quickly. For now, get through it however you get through it.
If there is any time to readily accept help, it is when you become a mother. Part of accepting help can mean asking for it.
Regarding the housework, lower your expectations…and then lower them again. After having each of my DC I focused on accomplishing only a couple chores a day. They were the chores that were necessary for keeping the household going. I tried to do one load of laundry and get the dishes done. As long as there were clean clothes to wear and clean dishes to eat from, we were alright.

I started off bf but it's become an awful chore as baby doesn't like to stay latched and cries at the breast, it was killing me. I've decided to now ff.

I think most people feel like that, either at the very beginning or at some point. It IS very hard but you get used to it and it does get easier. At the moment just try to do the essentials (everyone fed, everyone clean-ish, everyone gets at least some sleep), don’t worry about the state of the house too much and most important of all - make sure your partner pulls his weight 100%. If you work as a team this will all be manageable and you will even look back on this time with nostalgia (took me 14 years but yes I do, now 😀)

Also please keep an eye on your mood and talk to your Midwife/HV/GP if you feel there is any chance you could be experiencing PND.

You'll get your evenings back at around 4 months or so and things just keep getting easier. When you're in your stride a bit, you can have time away to see friends or be alone (easier with FF). My husband and I do childcare in shifts equally, so we both get time off at the weekends.

The newborn phase is really hard but it will pass. Also, you don't actually have to enjoy it or feel any pressure to do so. I hated the first 6 months and have no problem admitting that.

I was discussing this with dh today, in the throes of newborn madness it is inevitable you think what the hell have i done! But it gets easier very fast. Biggest change for us was around 6 months. Just survive a few hours at a time and it will pass. They are,so much fun as they get older.
It does feel never ending at the time though! You will survive and it will be OK.

The newborn stage is really hard and relentless. I’ll be honest in saying I didn’t really enjoy it! That didn’t mean I didn’t love my baby but the sleep deprivation and never ending cycles of feeding and nappy changing (with a lot of sicking up through in) was a nightmare!
I agree with PP - I would say by 12 weeks it gets a little easier and by 4 months a lot! They get into a routine and that helps.
Until then, sleep and eat whenever you can and forget about everything else! And definitely work as a team, you can’t do everything.

Oh gosh I hear you. You're a week in, still hormonal, you dont actually know the baby despite growing them for 9 months and you'll be constantly wondering what you've done and when your life will ever be normal again.

It totally will. The turning point for me was that first smile- that moment of, aaah you do like me and I am doing ok at this.

Be kind to yourself, those first few weeks are all consuming but you'll turn around in a few months and realise you got through it. Evenings do return, babies do space their feeds, sleep does happen again.

It's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed for the first few weeks but if by 4-6 weeks you still feel if fo chat to your gp or hv.

Did you look at why baby wasn,t lacthed. I would get some advice on the latch, make sure whole mouth feeding not nipple feeding. (thats if you want to once sorted it,s less of a chore then FF).

But yes motherhood is hard, every stage is different but each stage as own challenges.

It is hard, really hard. I don’t think much can prepare you for how hard it is. I think it’s the sleep deprivation, it just makes everything seem ten times worse. I always felt I could cope with everything the day threw at me if I could have just got some decent sleep!

Babies vary so don’t pin your hopes on a certain date. However my DS was ready for a proper 7pm bedtime at 3 months old so I got a bit of an evening (although going to bed early to make up for the broken nights!).

It really does get easier but it takes a bit of time. Hang in there.

It sounds awful. Just awful.

Sorry, that sounds horrible. I don't mean it to be. It's just so frightening how much your life changes, like everything you love is taken away by a stranger and you take the chance that you might love them more than you did your previous life.

I remember feeling exactly like you describe. I honestly, genuinely thought I’d never sleep again.

You will get free time again, and you will sleep again. It feels endless when you’re in the midst of it, but honestly, it will pass, and you will find a new equilibrium.

OP I feel you - I remember those days. It does get easier though!

I hear you, OP! Still finding it extremely full-on and an absolute head wreck at almost 4 months, but the love I feel for my baby has grown every day and I’m now starting to see a little personality coming out. Some lovely MNers have told me it gets easier, so I plan to just cling on for dear life until it does!

My baby is coming up to 6 months and for the first few months it was like you describe, that 'what have we done' feeling. I promise it does get better and when you look back, it is such a short time of having that feeling. But please do keep an eye on it incase you need further support. The health visitor teams can support you if you need it. Mine kept a close eye on me for the first 8 weeks and at her last visit (the day before lockdown) the switch had been flicked for me and I felt I had things under control. Take each day as it comes, get as much sleep as you can and don't feel bad if all you've done that day is watch Netflix.

Oh OP yes it is relentless with a newborn. There are many, many of us who have felt that and felt guilt that we weren't 100% loving and cherishing every moment of our lives with our babies. And that is before coronavirus made it even more difficult with fewer opportunities for support. But we got through it and have good bonds and relationships with our children.

You will too. But do seek support if you find it overwhelming. And accept support where it is offered. And sleep as much as you can.

My dc are now 12 and 8. One was breastfed and one bottle fed. It is entirely entirely irrelevant. Do what works for you and don't beat yourself up about it.

It will become less relentless. You will find moments of joy. And then it will get tough again. But the hormones and expectations and exhaustion make it all feel much harder in the first weeks so you will cope.

Good luck x