Am I doing it wrong- bedtime

[Wale90]

We have an overall excellent sleeper at 18 months (7:20pm - 7 am).

Following on from another thread it appears very few people stay with their children once in the cot until they are asleep, and seemed surprised anybody did this After we cut the bedtime bottle, to ease the transition I would sit by her cot (she goes in at 7) and read a bed time story until I thought she was pretty drowsy and then leave. Sometimes this would be it, but sometimes I would go back in if she started crying and sit silently for a few minutes before leaving again.

At worst I go back in 2 or 3 times but she's generally asleep for 7:30 at the worst.

Should I be cutting this down? Sometimes I read the story through a few times, should I be aiming for 'goodnight' a kiss, in cot and then leave??

I listened to an audio book in headphones so I actually don't mind and as I said we've had a 12 hour overnight sleeper since 13 weeks so I thought we were doing quite well.

If you're happy to do it and she sleeps well just carry on. There a re no rules about what you should do at a certain age.

Do whatever works for you. People will say “don’t make a rod for your own back” but tbh it’s really not that long before you can have a conversation with them and say “mummy’s just outside” or “mummy will pop back in a minute” and work up from there. I still promise my 8yo to “visit” him in half an hour. He’s always asleep before the half hour comes up now anyway.

Sounds fine to me.

Sounds perfect to me. If it works don't change it! We have had 2 good sleepers who are now teens and I'm sure it's because we had a good routine with a story every night without fail from a few months old. They still like us to come up and chat every night which is lovely.

Sounds fine to me! Our 18 month old goes through very clingy phases, and she currently has to have my hand on my back before she falls asleep. It's not perfect, but I don't mind it really (and dare I say, there's something quite sweet about watching her fall asleep). If you're happy with it, don't mind what other people think!

If you're happy with it, then there's no problem.

I would say listen to the kind of cry she has - there's a kind of bleaty tired cry which is a baby sort of singing themselves to sleep, I don't go in for that as I think it just wakes DS (14mo) up more. I go in if the cry is urgent or insistent, like he sounds angry or distressed.

We stayed in the room until he was asleep for a good 3 months, he then slowly but surely didn't need us in the room anymore.

OP, please do what works for and your family, don't compare. He's 18 months as well x

In addition, if he was to start crying I would still go in. I want him to feel safe and I always wanted and want him to know that we are there if he needs us. I think you're doing a fab job (we have a great sleeper as well). X

Does this work for you? You are not rocking to sleep which imo is a rod for own back scenario, but letting her become drowsy and fall asleep, she evidently can self settle as will stir during the night and obviously manages to get back to sleep.

If it’s working for you and your child (and it isn’t dangerous!) then how could it be wrong?

I know the thread you were talking about and I think a lot of people came across as very holier than thou.
All the faux surprise at having ‘never even thought of staying’
If your child is happy to go to sleep without you there then bully for you but it can’t be that surprising to people that some babies and children actually do get distressed at being left alone.

Do whatever works for you.

Mine sees my presence in her room as the opportunity to chat on endlessly about her day - which I already know every detail of because I was there.

I read that thread too and was surprised at how many people said they don't and never have stayed with their little one while they fall asleep. I do at 2.5 and don't see it changing anytime soon. I don't really mind as I just chill out on my phone really - though am pregnant so should probably start to make changes soon. In my experience it's much more common than Mumsnet seems to suggest. What you're doing sounds like the perfect medium and one I would like to get to!!

@DemolitionBarbie if its just a whinge or a very tired sounding last attempt at protest I'll leave her.

I've spent many a time with my hand on the door handle thinking 'she's fine, she's about gone, 30 more seconds' and low and behold she'll be asleep.

@Footlooseandfancy she's becoming more vocal generally so I'm conscious of this. I think I'll do a single read through of the book and leave. Hopefully within a week we'll be down to that and one walk in if I'm unlucky. I think I've slipped into trying to make life easy by reading the book 5 times but now she expects that.

Different things work for different children. If I stay in my 2 year old's room he will keep trying to play; me leaving him is his signal that it's time to go to sleep. Different temperaments need different methods. Your child is sleeping well - if it doesn't bother you then there is no problem.

Everyone has posted really helpful stuff. This is an article on creating a bedtime routine for toddlers that might be useful as well.
www.happierwithtea.com/establish-a-bedtime-routine-for-toddlers/

Whatever works for you.
I did similar with my first, unfortunately we got to the point where I had to read until she was asleep and that took longer and longer, so I finally stopped around 2.5. It took a night or two of protesting then was fine so wish I’d bitten the bullet sooner .
I have an 18 month old now and he’s just put in his cot, I say goodnight and leave the room. He goes straight to sleep when... if I hang around he sits up and chats. He sleeps 7-6.30ish. I never got into the habit of sitting with him as I have two other children to put to bed afterwards.
So it’s up to you! Whatever you’re happy with.