What is the ‘best’ age gap between children?

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Just that really.. we’ve recently had DC1 and would love more if we’re able (took > 1 year to conceive DC1).

But what are other people experiences with the positives and negatives of having a short or long age gap between siblings?

We’re trying to figure out what would be best for both us and DC1 in terms of attention and him having a ‘friend’ a similar enough age to do similar activities.

Are there any negatives to having them close together? Financially we’re fine, emotionally we’re stable and are enjoying parenthood.

What are the negatives of having a large age gap (large to me is > 4 years)? DC1 would obviously have more attention from us and get to have more in terms of clubs/activities since there would only be one.

Thanks in advance 😃

I've posted this a million times on various threads. From my perspective, there was less than 2 years between my sibling and me and we were a school year apart. I HATED it. It suited my parents obv, but I just remember a whole childhood of giving things up because the baby needed it, not getting cuddles because baby... he took over everything and I felt so pushed out.

I planned for between 2 and 2.5 years, and due to a miscarriage my gap ended up being 2.5 years in the end. I can’t comment any further as DS is still a baby, but although it’s hard work I’m hoping it will be a good gap for us in the long run. It’s big enough that I don’t have two babies at the same time (no double buggies etc), yet small enough that they will hopefully play together and be good pals as they grow up. There are of course no guarantees though.

As a PP said, whatever gap you end up with will be the right one, there are so many pros and cons to each and for a lot of people it’s not so easy to plan the ‘perfect’ gap.

We have a 4 year gap and I’d say it’s too long. They are only now (5 years on) finding common interests but not quite common enough to breed harmony in the house. The first year was great though!

Answer might be affected by stuff like your age and how many children you want. We want 3 so a big gap between 1 and 2 obviously has a knock on effect on gap between 1 and 3. I’m pregnant with DC2 and the gap will be 2.5 years. DS is potty trained and can communicate really well, but I hope they’ll be close enough in age to have things in common.

I think the smaller the better for the long term (they play with each other). And larger is better in the short term. The negatives of a smaller gap is a) paying double childcare costs and b) hard work while they are both babies. If you are very well off and childcare costs won't be an issue then you only have the tough first 3-4 years of parenting multiple babies then you're home free.

I have 3.5 years and that's pretty good. Both were able to be home with me and have one-on-one attention in the early days, older DS was at nursery and could fetch things for me when younger DS was born if I was stuck on the sofa, but there isn't such a big age gap that we struggle to find activities and holidays that will suit them both. It's a popular age gap too, so we have several friends with DC with the same gap, giving us a friend for each DC on a day out. Anything from 2-4 years is good IMO. More than that can work well, but you'll have the issue of them being at very different stages, which can pose problems on the activities/holidays front.

It depends on how god you are facilitating sibling relationships. If you think you'd have trouble then go for 3 years. If you're not so sure I'd go for a bigger gap. The siblings that hate each other most are almost always close in age. If can be hugely wearing if they constantly fight and bicker. You do need to know what you're doing or it can be a disaster from my experience.

I have a six year gap between mine, which is just the way it ended up. They adore each other and never fight; never have. Ds1 looks after ds1 and is great with him. Also if we send both private are for secondary we can do so from 11-16 with no crossover.

My "children" are 26, 18 and 10, so 8 years each time. This was due to fertility treatment, miscarriages and an unexpected pregnancy! It has worked out great for us but partly I think to do with the sex combination/personalities of my kids. My first two are girls and are very close but equally was thrilled to have a younger brother. I've known all manor of age differences work really well. The only person I know who was very vocal about her age gap not working was 5 years with the eldest a boy and the youngest a girl. They argued constant and he tormented his little sister all the time. I'd say that's largely due to character as me and my sister (who is 4.5 years my senior) are very close.

Mine have a 15 YEAR age gap. It couldnt be better! My first had me as long as he desperately wanted a mummy to be with and then had a sibling he now adores he is old enough to have no jealousy. The second one now gets full time from us and loves her brother dearly. It's very different to most people but I couldnt imagine wanting to do it any other way.

My dad always jokes that there are such small age gaps between us older three (last was following divorce so a little later) so that we could all entertain each other on holidays!

Our youngest sister has a six year gap between her and the next youngest. I think she found that tricky as she was always just tagging along to whatever us older ones wanted to do for days our etc.

If it took you a long time to conceive my honest advice is to consider what's the earliest possible age gap you'd consider and start trying again (or at least not preventing) from nine months before that date. Then decide if you'll keep going indefinitely or if there's an age gap that would make you say enough is enough. Consider seeking fertility treatment around 12 months before this deadline.

Thinking about different gaps and trying to plan it is a fool's game, IME. There are pros and cons to everything and your family will be perfect whatever the gap you get because it will be yours.

There's 2.5 years between me and DSIS and I think for us any bigger gap we wouldn't have been so close growing up. We also fought A LOT though!

I've got 18 mo gap, it's fucking crazy but I love it, but i would secretly love to have twins next year and have 4 under 3 though so I'm a bit mad

It's probably "easiest" with 4 year gap.

My two are two and a half years apart. I thought that was a big age gap at the time, but it's not that big really. They get on very well and enjoy all the same things so it's been brilliant for them to have each other during lockdown.