Breastfeeding weight loss guilt

[Eggcellent29]

Hi all

So I initially EBF my baby. He lost 10% of his body weight due to me having lost so much blood during his birth (we both almost died, I was re-hospitalised after discharge, multiple transfusions, it was a whole thing) that I was unable to produce enough milk to properly feed him.

I moved on to bottle feeding and his weight recovered quickly.

This was 4 months ago but i just can’t seem to get over the guilt. I look back at photos of him and feel so so awful that I didn’t realise I was starving him. I imagine how awful he must have felt and imagine him desperately trying to communicate to me that he was dying of starvation but I did nothing.

I can’t seem to get past this. I was so so unwell and all the doctors and nurses said he was feeding well. He rarely cried, slept well and seemed fine. I knew in my heart something wasn’t right but I could barely function and with my health in such danger I guess I doubted what I was feeling and told myself that doctors wouldn’t endanger him or me (how wrong was I!)

I feel like a terrible mother.

Has anyone been through something similar? How did you get past it?

They will not get other services involved - it just won't happen unless they think there is a child protection issue, which there clearly isn't.

I went to my GP and was referred straight away to the Perinatal mental health service, which is a specialist service and better funded that normal mental health (IME). I was prescribed Sertraline and had intensive support from my own nurse and psychiatrist. I also accessed the groups within the service, which was fantastic. I'm still friends with a couple of women I met at my 'mad mothers' groups (my words!). I was discharged after 6 months and I'm off the meds a year later.

Please see a more sympathetic doctor and request a referral. There is support out there

That’s great that the services were good, Ihaveoflate

Hi OP. Ive been diagnosed with post natal anxiety. My baby is 17 weeks old now and ive had CBT once a week for about 3 months now. I also catastrophised about everything. I would whole heartedly recommend it, its really helped. Unfortunately ive privately funded my therapy, but its been worth it I think.

Hi OP. Ive been diagnosed with post natal anxiety. My baby is 17 weeks old now and ive had CBT once a week for about 3 months now. I also catastrophised about everything. I would whole heartedly recommend it, its really helped. Unfortunately ive privately funded my therapy, but its been worth it I think.